I dread having to deal with this when the time comes..that won't be for another 3 yrs so by than I hope BM is way over my FH than..otherwise I will dread it and I know she will insist on FH going too. I support him going just that she will take any opportunity she can to be a "happy family" with him.
When my BD had conferences my Ex only went once. He was sooo annoying that I never told him about it anymore til' after the fact and than I just told him what was said. AT open houses we'd both go but never together and we'd wonder around away from each other. A few times he brought his girlfriend at the time and I brought my FH
Here there are no automatically scheduled ones past kindergarten. If parents want to meet, they ask for it or if the teachers need to they ask for. BM is welcome to schedule her own if she wants to, but since FH is CP we'd be the ones that go if the school called us. There have been a few at SS5s school, they have quite a lot it seems like, but that's all the kids there have one every other month it seems.
I know SS's teacher pretty well. We used to substitute teach together and she's a SM dealing with a crackhead BM as well. We'd share war stories during gym. So she's got my back. When it came time for SS's last PT conference, she said "I didn't mention this until his dad brought him in." Meaning, she deliberately didn't tell BM about it when she had dropped him off the day before. Well it ended up getting rescheduled and BM saw it on the calendar the day before the meeting when she was dropping SS off and asked the teacher about it. The teacher told me when I went in the next day and I said that's cool I don't really need to go. She took me to the side and quickly went over everything that was going down at the meeting. It was basically just a progress report. FH and BM went to the same one in that circumstance and I sort of got my own, I guess.
My husband and I are usually the only ones that go to any parent/teacher conferences for the kids and when they are scheduled we make sure BM knows about them. I would have to say that in the 4 yrs of being here she has only been to one parent/teacher conference and that was earlier this year in Jan. when we (my husband and I) requested the meeting with my son's (SS) teacher about his bad grades/behavior. She really doesn't make much effort to be involved with school stuff unless it's a "fun" field trip or one of my daughter's (SD) orchestra concerts! My husband and I both agree that if she wants to be at the same conferences/meetings as us that's fine, we have nothing to hide and if the teachers have any questions they know how to reach us.
My wife and I go to my SS's P/T conferences. We also call to set them up. My wife is the CP and BioDad has never even been to once of my SS's school activities in more that 15 years. He has had a scheduled visitation in Sept/Oct since the beginning in my SS's area of residence but has never taken it.
I believe that a single P/T conference should be fine and both BioParents should go. P/T conferences are not about the marriage or the new wife/husband they are about the kid and the parents should be adult enough to keep it about the kid.
But, since this is something that will never happen in my SS's case it is only my opinion.
My kids' conferences are attended by me, DH, EH, and SM. But, bear in mind, that we are all normal people that get along fine and we're all there for the benefit of the children.
However, apparently I make BM "uncomfortable", so I am not "allowed" to attend SD's conferences. I have decided that next year I'm taking a stand. I am the only one that helps her with her homework, helps out at school, etc. But mostly, I want to go and I'm tired of DH choosing BM's feelings over mine. I know it may sound stupid that I'll throw down the gauntlet over something so small, but I am serious. It's bullsh!t and I'm not tolerating it anymore. IF he chooses me (and he'd better), I'm sure we'll do separate conferences.
If BM could get over herself, she'd realize that if she wanted to control the situation, she should insist we do conferences together. If we do them together, I'll sit in the background and listen and not contribute. If we do them separately, I have the ability to participate as much as I want. Dummy
I dont know your DH but I sure got "schooled" this year as far learning my place. I have been married for three years. First yr DH did not due conferences due to them being scheduled by BM at time that did not work for him. The kids are both honor rolls students so he did not re-schedule. Next yr, I attended with DH and BM. Mind you I could tell she was pissed that I was there. I never heard another word about it but I now know that my DH did and just chose not to tell me. Well this comes around and DH asks me if I am going and I said "why are you even asking?" He said "so I can give BM a heads up". I said that it was none of her business and if he needed to get approved then screw them both and I wont go!. Evidentally he thought I would change my mind and he chose to tell her that I was going. Well the day of conferences, while DH and I were at my two bio kids conferences (same elementary) she called and left him a crying message "saying I cant handle her being there, I will make a scene if she shows up, etc. boo-hoo etc.". I told Dh I wasnt even planning on going and obviously I am going to have to be the adult here and not go but this crap. He didnt care, but did say well when other SS has conferences we will schedule seperate and just go me and you. Well instead he let BM schedule it and went behind my back with her! Nice.
It goes back to the fact that I come after the kids and his ex. I am just supposed to cook, clean and baby sit them. Bitter much?
At least you have faith in your DH that he will choose you - I know better now. Good luck and good for you for taking a stand.
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
My husband and I have always attending PTC seperate from his ex. We assumed that she requested it to be that way because they always scheduled them seperate. At the beginning of this school year one of my SK's teachers got really upset with us because "We refused to have conferences with BM". We told the teacher that we didnt refuse and that we were happy to have them with her if that is what they wanted.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and we had another conference scheduled. Turns out that BM refused to attend with US....funny how that works, huh?
I have chosen not to go to the pt conferences. They have not set up any type of arrangement but bm is irresponsible and does not seem to care about her kids' educations but I still would feel weird going.
If I were you
I would set up separate ones. I'm sure the teachers might not like it, but it's better than having the bio-parents fight in front of them.
It also gives you and DH time to explain your situation to the teachers in a normal capacity.
I dread this
I dread having to deal with this when the time comes..that won't be for another 3 yrs so by than I hope BM is way over my FH than..otherwise I will dread it and I know she will insist on FH going too. I support him going just that she will take any opportunity she can to be a "happy family" with him.
When my BD had conferences my Ex only went once. He was sooo annoying that I never told him about it anymore til' after the fact and than I just told him what was said. AT open houses we'd both go but never together and we'd wonder around away from each other. A few times he brought his girlfriend at the time and I brought my FH
I've been to them
Here there are no automatically scheduled ones past kindergarten. If parents want to meet, they ask for it or if the teachers need to they ask for. BM is welcome to schedule her own if she wants to, but since FH is CP we'd be the ones that go if the school called us. There have been a few at SS5s school, they have quite a lot it seems like, but that's all the kids there have one every other month it seems.
I know SS's teacher pretty well. We used to substitute teach together and she's a SM dealing with a crackhead BM as well. We'd share war stories during gym. So she's got my back. When it came time for SS's last PT conference, she said "I didn't mention this until his dad brought him in." Meaning, she deliberately didn't tell BM about it when she had dropped him off the day before. Well it ended up getting rescheduled and BM saw it on the calendar the day before the meeting when she was dropping SS off and asked the teacher about it. The teacher told me when I went in the next day and I said that's cool I don't really need to go. She took me to the side and quickly went over everything that was going down at the meeting. It was basically just a progress report. FH and BM went to the same one in that circumstance and I sort of got my own, I guess.
I'm so going to miss that teacher next year.
About P/T Conferences
My husband and I are usually the only ones that go to any parent/teacher conferences for the kids and when they are scheduled we make sure BM knows about them. I would have to say that in the 4 yrs of being here she has only been to one parent/teacher conference and that was earlier this year in Jan. when we (my husband and I) requested the meeting with my son's (SS) teacher about his bad grades/behavior. She really doesn't make much effort to be involved with school stuff unless it's a "fun" field trip or one of my daughter's (SD) orchestra concerts! My husband and I both agree that if she wants to be at the same conferences/meetings as us that's fine, we have nothing to hide and if the teachers have any questions they know how to reach us.
We go and BioDad never goes.
My wife and I go to my SS's P/T conferences. We also call to set them up. My wife is the CP and BioDad has never even been to once of my SS's school activities in more that 15 years. He has had a scheduled visitation in Sept/Oct since the beginning in my SS's area of residence but has never taken it.
I believe that a single P/T conference should be fine and both BioParents should go. P/T conferences are not about the marriage or the new wife/husband they are about the kid and the parents should be adult enough to keep it about the kid.
But, since this is something that will never happen in my SS's case it is only my opinion.
Best regards,
Depends on the kid
My kids' conferences are attended by me, DH, EH, and SM. But, bear in mind, that we are all normal people that get along fine and we're all there for the benefit of the children.
However, apparently I make BM "uncomfortable", so I am not "allowed" to attend SD's conferences. I have decided that next year I'm taking a stand. I am the only one that helps her with her homework, helps out at school, etc. But mostly, I want to go and I'm tired of DH choosing BM's feelings over mine. I know it may sound stupid that I'll throw down the gauntlet over something so small, but I am serious. It's bullsh!t and I'm not tolerating it anymore. IF he chooses me (and he'd better), I'm sure we'll do separate conferences.
If BM could get over herself, she'd realize that if she wanted to control the situation, she should insist we do conferences together. If we do them together, I'll sit in the background and listen and not contribute. If we do them separately, I have the ability to participate as much as I want. Dummy
Oh Serena we share the same life
I dont know your DH but I sure got "schooled" this year as far learning my place. I have been married for three years. First yr DH did not due conferences due to them being scheduled by BM at time that did not work for him. The kids are both honor rolls students so he did not re-schedule. Next yr, I attended with DH and BM. Mind you I could tell she was pissed that I was there. I never heard another word about it but I now know that my DH did and just chose not to tell me. Well this comes around and DH asks me if I am going and I said "why are you even asking?" He said "so I can give BM a heads up". I said that it was none of her business and if he needed to get approved then screw them both and I wont go!. Evidentally he thought I would change my mind and he chose to tell her that I was going. Well the day of conferences, while DH and I were at my two bio kids conferences (same elementary) she called and left him a crying message "saying I cant handle her being there, I will make a scene if she shows up, etc. boo-hoo etc.". I told Dh I wasnt even planning on going and obviously I am going to have to be the adult here and not go but this crap. He didnt care, but did say well when other SS has conferences we will schedule seperate and just go me and you. Well instead he let BM schedule it and went behind my back with her! Nice.
It goes back to the fact that I come after the kids and his ex. I am just supposed to cook, clean and baby sit them. Bitter much?
At least you have faith in your DH that he will choose you - I know better now. Good luck and good for you for taking a stand.
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
Funny Question
My husband and I have always attending PTC seperate from his ex. We assumed that she requested it to be that way because they always scheduled them seperate. At the beginning of this school year one of my SK's teachers got really upset with us because "We refused to have conferences with BM". We told the teacher that we didnt refuse and that we were happy to have them with her if that is what they wanted.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and we had another conference scheduled. Turns out that BM refused to attend with US....funny how that works, huh?
Our PT conferences get assigned
Both BM and DH get notices of the date and time. We've never made a big deal out of it because BM either calls to reschedule, or simply doesn't go.
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"
I have chosen not to go to
I have chosen not to go to the pt conferences. They have not set up any type of arrangement but bm is irresponsible and does not seem to care about her kids' educations but I still would feel weird going.