It's normal to love your biokids more, but...
I worry about how ethical it is. Now, hear me out... SD is 7 and lives with us full-time. Her mother only sees her in summer/on holidays and isn't very involved. Our son is 17 months old. I treat both kids equally. No kid gets special treatment. I spend roughly the same on them on holidays/birthdays, I'm saving the same for each child's future, I keep the same rules (in an age-appropriate way) for both. There is no favoritism in my house.
But I think sometimes, it's clear that my love is strong and overwhelming for my son and I can't hide that. I don't feel very comfortable being touchy-feely with anyone other than my son/husband. I've always been that way. SD gives me hugs and I reciprocate, but it's just not the same. I can cuddle and tickle and kiss my son a million times. I sit down with him and tell him how much he amazes me. Just little moments between mother and child that can't be replicated.
And I can't help but think, this must be horrible for my stepdaughter. I try, I really do. But it's forced. It's not genuine. And I'm sure as she gets older, she's going to notice if she hasn't already. I'm worried my son is going to be hurt by it, too. Like why doesn't mom love my sister as much as me? They have a great relationship and I'll never do anything to stop that because I do care about her and take pride in doing a good job raising her. I just don't love her.
Do you think I'm overthinking this? Or should I be doing a better job trying to love her?