Overprotective Father
DH has girl 9 and boy 13, that live with us about 80% of the time. We've been together for 7rs. I've no kids of my own. SS is very clearly DH's favorite child. When SS was around 8yo I started asking nicely that he did not walk naked in front of me. He kept doing it everyday until 12yo+, and I repeated the same plea literally hundreds of times for 4 yrs. I say it was defiance and disrespect, DH says his boy is an angel and just distracted. As a result of the repeated disrespectful attitude, things deteriorated between me and SS and we barely talk to each other. SS is lazy and overweight. DH caters to him like to a toddler, even though he's bigger and stronger than most adult men, doesn't want him to do any kind of chores. I work FT, long days. About a yr ago, I took the position that SS must wash his own cereal bowl (absolutely only chore). 365 days later, he still just leaves it by the couch and DH shouts at me that I am a b***h because I refuse to wash the cereal bowl for him. Lately I've also decided I don't want to do his laundry. Laundry is age-appropriate at 13yo, I was doing it myself younger than that. I'm a bit grossed by his underwear, I think most women will agree teenage boys in general are a bit gross. DH again takes offense. I'm heartbroken, breaking up with DH b/c I can't believe he thinks I'm a bad person b/c I expect his 13yo bigger and stronger than me to even wash his own cereal bowl. SD is not easy, but I love her like my own and if we break up I'll lose her too. She's also many times a victim of DH's preference for SS. Any advice? Did I overreact to the issue of parading naked in front of me until 12yo after nagging him every day for years? It made me very uncomfortable to see him naked at age 8-12. He is a boy, not my child, and overweight. I would appreciate your insights and similar stories. Thanks!
- aliswonder's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Apparently you did not react
Apparently you did not react strong enough. And there should have NEVER been a second+ time that SS walked around in front of you like that! I realize that being in a bad relationship can skew how you see the world. I know first hand how others can try their hardest to make you think your needs and beliefs are wrong and based on your post, I think you are there. There is nothing, though, that is right about what has been going on.
Your DH is the culprit here...not parenting...treating you like you are on a lesser level than SS...he called you a bitch?? Never right in any universe and never for a woman who has respect for herself. It will take time for you to get your head around this whole thing, but focus on the role that your DH has played in all this. If he corrected where necessary, your SS might be different. Lay the blame where it belongs and go over your options. Nothing gets fixed overnight but you are here and you can learn what you need in this life, what makes you happy and what doesn't. You have the opportunity to learn who you are and what you will tolerate...
All the best to you!
100% what Echo said. 10,000%
100% what Echo said.
10,000% percent.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your honesty. I know in my heart you all are right. I fell in love with this man and with the idea of raising a family, as I have no children of my own. I am financially independent, DH is not. The home is mine and he will be moving out. I will miss very much his daughter and also the person I would like him to be. Part of the reason I kept trying with him is because I feel he is not doing his son any favors, that with the best of intentions he is setting him up for failure as an adult, but I must accept I can't save this child from his own father. Thanks again.
The beginning of the end of
The beginning of the end of my relationship with my ex was when he told me that if he made enough money I would wash his 10 year old daughter's underwear. I flippin' lost it! A ten year old is plenty old enough to wash their own panties and if she didn't, then her PARENT should do it...not me! I'm not touching some other able-bodied person's undergarments, especially when I don't love the person.
So I say to you..stop washing that kid's drawers of you don't want to. It's DISGUSTING...and stop washing dad's drawers too since he doesn't realize how good he has it!!!
And I'll be damned if some man called me a name if I didn't clean his kid's cereal bowl. Girl, your man needs a reality check. I would LOSE my shit on him until he forgot his name. Ugh.
I'm so sorry this is
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I couldn't agree more with all thec comments here. Wishing you the best & I'm glad you're taking care of the situation.