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I'm sorry BM, i have plans. hahaha!!

MdMom's picture

DS is 6mo as of two days ago, last week (before BM changed the schedule) I made an appointment for him to get his 6mo pictures taken. When FDH informed me that BM would be dropping SD of today, I thought GREAT! Now I have to cancel my plans with DS and just sit at home and wait for BM to drop SD off. (She didn't give us a time, just said during the day.)
Then last night it hit me like a bag of bricks, I'm not changing my plans for BM. She's just trying to control our time, not this time BM.
She texted FDH tgis morning and told him she would drop SD off at 11. He asked me if that would work. Nope! I've got the appointment at 10:50... Too bad. }:) Hahaha.
I told him that I would text BM when I'M done doing MY things. She then texted ME to see what time for sure I could get SD, my reply... I don't know. Maybe 1130, maybe noon. I told her I would text her when I was on my way to get SD. I may just take my time with this photoshoot.

Sure I want to see SD, BUT i'm tired of BM thinking she can decide what I do the days we get SD, especially when she makes changes to the schedule and doesn't give a specific time for pick up/drop off.

I just feel so good right now!! 1 for MdMom 0 for BM.

MdMom's picture

There is a set schedule, it's not CO because the CO schedule is subject to change if both parties agree. BM is taking SD on an end of the week vacation Thursday-Sunday. So FDH changed the Schedule for her so he wouldn't loose his time SD. We were suppose to get SD yesterday at 4, FDH would have got 3 extra hours with SD, so when BM figured that out she called on Saturday and said she wasn't gonna be here for pick up on Monday and that she would drop SD off sometime on Tuesday.

I said whatever, this is between you and her. FDH asked me to cancel my appt, i said no, and that BM would just have to wait. I was hoping she would text me that she was on her way to drop SD off, to which I would habe replyed... Im not home. Lol

FDH and i talked about how offten she changes the schdule, and we decided we will only allow 2 a year. With the acception of holidays. And if she bitchs and moans, we'll go it done at the court. FDH's choice, if it were mine, I would have changed the CO as soon as we changed the schedule, and then SHE would be in contempt... But she's not my problem.

katielee's picture

I am DONE with schedule changes. Period. Been there/done that and it never works out well for me.

OrangeUGlad's picture

Great Smile

You can't control bm. You can't control dh. You can control you.

If they want to make changes that affect you without consulting you, then they will be out of luck if that doesn't work for you.

Do this a few times and they will probably figure out that it is best to ask you.

Aniki's picture

Good for you!!

This past weekend, DH had to work Friday night, so I made plans to have dinner with my sister. BM asked DH what time she should drop off the skids. He asked me. I said, "What time will you be up Saturday morning?" He looked puzzled and asked why. Told him I made dinner plans with my sister and we planned to have a major gab fest and I might well be out past midnight - which is MUCH too late for the skids to be dropped off.

DH told BM she could drop them off at noon on Saturday as he had to work and I would not be home. She was TICKED. }:)

ItHasGottenBetter's picture

Tell your DH since he wants to see his kid, then he can take off of work to get her.

HungryEyes's picture

We got a court order and BM still controls the visitation and does whatever she pleases. I'm sick of fighting that battle and DH has lost the will to care anymore. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.

Orange County Ca's picture

I also wonder why you're babysitting and chauffeuring? The point of visitation is to visit Daddy not be babysat. Now if grandma wants to see the kid that's OK, but SM or daycare? No way Jose.

You're appointment will run late, the photographer called in sick and the replacement didn't come in until after 2 PM whereupon you can't get away until perhaps 3 or 4 PM. That's takes care of today. In the future tell DH that no arrangements are to be made outside of the court order unless he is able to fulfill them which means chauffeuring and babysitting. You should never be alone with the kid - not your job.

The same story with routine pick-ups and drops, if he isn't present then it doesn't happen. The two of them will work it out rest assured of that. It's very simple - she keeps the kid until he appears, just like everyone else who has grabbed control of their step-mother life.

mixedemotionsaboutstepdaughter's picture

I went through a period of time where I agreed to take my SD when I'm off on Saturdays and Sundays. DH is off on Sundays, so that meant I'd have SD ALL DAY on Saturdays by myself. It got to the point where I was thinking, "Why am I doing this?! This is NOT my child and I should NOT be playing babysitter for her BM." So, I told DH that I no longer want to use my Saturdays off to basically babysit so that BM and/or her older daughter can have that day to themselves, or to go to work, or whatever. This is MY time and I will do with it as I see fit. At first, DH kind of acted like I was being mean and didn't like SD...but, now he doesn't mind at all. He picks SD up Saturday evening when he gets off of work and we return her Sunday evening. The evil inner child in me relishes the weekends when we don't have her AT ALL!!!! }:)

And, I can't WAIT for the day when BM's older daughter (whom she uses as a babysitter to SD OFTEN) is out of her house! She's going to look to us to take SD more often and she's going to get a big FAT NO from me! Period!

Rags's picture

One key to a successful blended family situation is to never tolerate the opposition treating you, your SO, or your family as their beck and call resource. The opposition is YOUR beck and call resource. }:)