I am completely overwhelmed right now
This is just a vent session because I'm feeling a certain type of way and need the anonymous veil of the internet to help me let it out before I let it out (any more) on my husband or kids.
I have 2 bios-- Irish twins so both babies in diapers. I just had my last during the height of the pandemic and lockdown in my state so we've been very, very hermitish over the past few months. I'm also back at work but working from home per the new norm with my company. I'm not sure if we will ever go back to our business as usual model and will likely permanently adopt this WFH state. So, I'm a FT mom and FT employee at the moment. Daycare isn't open yet where I am since the one my oldest is enrolled in follows the recommendation of the county school system-- which has been closed since March.
All that to say, I'm immersed in my own life with my own kids and my SK's drama that comes along with having 2 houses to shuffle between is really getting to me. I could list all the grievances here but really it's the typical stuff: parental alienation tactics from the BM, overly coddled SK, every adult bending to accomodate SK at every turn, conflict with DH over what to do about SK.
I'm feeling a lot of resentment here towards my SK, and while DH is typically and usually a really good ally here, lately he's been questioning if I'm being too harsh on my SK and not having enough patience. Which, is easy for him to say since he's working out of the home and not responsible for 3 kids + a full time job. So, I'm feeling some resentment here in my marriage as well. Why does this child weild so much power between homes? Why did he have a child when he knew he was in a dead end marriage? I was married before and had no children because I knew it wasn't going anywhere, it wasn't THAT hard to not reproduce with a crappy person-- why couldn't he just do that?! Why does SK get to me the way that they do?! The stupid part is, I let it happen. I let myself get worked up over dumb comments, over instances of "reporting" things between the two houses, over a flippant comment BM makes, over something small SK does. I let it all get to me.
Obviously going down this rabbit hole is futile, which is why I am doing it here. But it has been hard the past 6+ months with my SK and I'm sensing it all coming to a head with me personally.