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30 year old ss

Justtired2021's picture

My stepson has lived with us for 4 years. His dad and I have been married 7 years. He is estranged from his mother which lives in another state.   My ss is 30 and I don't think living with us is not ideal at all. I feel uncomfortable sometimes in my own home.  My ss mostly keeps to himself and him being here isn't so-much the problem.   He doesn't have a job and almost never leaves the home. I'm retired so home all the time. My husband works a-full time job.  He doesn't own his own car so he drives ours. My husband has spoken to him bout getting a job but he hasn't even looked.  I just get depressed some days and wish I could have the house to myself. 

Harry's picture

Why are you living with this dysfunctional adult.  Time for SS to move out.  Like get a JOB, pay for an apartment.  Cook and clean. Ect.  
This is no way to live. With this man child 

Harry's picture

Why are you living with this dysfunctional adult.  Time for SS to move out.  Like get a JOB, pay for an apartment.  Cook and clean. Ect.  
This is no way to live. With this man child 

Merry's picture

Why did he move in 4 years ago, and what was the plan for him to move out? Or were there no expectations?

No job at 30 will turn into no job at 40, and that will turn into no job ever, and he'll never move out. Time for SS to get a job, get into a jobs training program if necessary, and get on with his independent life.

I am hoping that SS at least helps out around the house. Time to pile on additional responsibilities to add that encouragement for him to get out on his own.

I couldn't live with even my own adult kid without a plan for her to move out!

hereiam's picture

What is wrong with your husband that he is allowing this?

Your husband is doing his son a disservice, not to mention that he doesn't care how it affects you. The fact that he keeps to himself has nothing to do with it, he should not be living with you.

You need to have a Come To Jesus meeting with your husband and he needs to do more than just have a talk with his son. The layabout needs a timeline to move out. And the timer starts now, not after he gets a job (or he will never get one).

 

CatchyUserName's picture

You don't mention that you and DH have talked about this.  Does he know you are depressed?  Most certainly he is enabling his son so have you all talked about why he is doing that and why he is letting his adult son mooch off of you. Retirement is supposed to be the fun years, not baby sitting a man-child.  Sounds like the "come to jesus" talk with DH is definitely in order.

Rags's picture

If he is living in your marital home, not working, and not contributing... he just became your chore bitch/beck and call boy.  First, call the locksmith to re-key the locks making sure SS does not get a key.  Then inform DH that his slacker son has 10 hours of chores a day 7 days a week or he is out.

One missed day, he is on the curb in the AM and does not re-enter the house until the end of the work day when DH gets home. He then completes the previous day's chores, and today's chores, or he is on the curb tomorrow as well.  There is no third day. He is just out.

We implemented this burning platform with my SS after he graduated from HS at 17 and then turned 18 3mos later.  4.5 chore bitch months later he enlisted in the USAF on the delayed entry program and fully launched 4mos after that.  We kept him on the beck and call boy/chore bitch program until we dropped him off at the MEPS to leave for BMT.  We did buy him a new car as a combination HS Graduation, Enlistment, Christmas gift.  He is now 28, kicking ass as an adult, and his mom and I are very proud of him.

Time for every second this waste of skin 30yo remains in your home to be a gonad singing experience due the heat of the burning platform. Stoke those flames.

IMHO of course.

Your marital home, your decision.  Your DH should have zero say. 

Call the locksmith.

bertieb's picture

I had this situation a couple of times with SS. I was thinking about a vacation alone or where I was going to go permanently if this was a forever thing.  DH finally got it and told SS it as time to make a plan and be able to take care of himself and he did. I'm not saying be mean, but I'm sure there are things you could do to not make it so comfortable for SS. Maybe take up a musical instrument to  practice in the mornings or a rigorous vacuum schedule lol.