Family chaos
This is not about my stepfamily but rather my own family. My mother has always enabled my younger brother. A professional single guy who spent 2 bucks for every buck he ever made. While I was working over the past 30 years he was working part time and traveling and spending caution to the wind. Found out several years ago that he had not been paying taxes. Owes like 150k and has not been making payments. Along the way had a child as a single parent. Don't ask. So instead of my mother letting him raise the boy, mother left my father and moved in with them and essentially does everything for both of them! At the age of 80! My brother doesn't lift a finger and had been out of work now is working at a job that makes like 40k when he is professional that should be making 5x that.
so it turns out my mother has been paying all the bills and depleted my parents 401K. Now has close to 50k credit card bills and my brother is getting sued by everyone.
Mother now demands I fork over 30 K out of my IRA to save my brothers house. forget how they are going to live when they are tapped out money.
I have come to realize my mother is a borderline or close to it. My brother is an emotional cripple who likely will not be able to raise his son if my mother passes. I am so torn over this. 30 k out of my IRA is not peanuts and with the pandemic I am making 2/3 to a half less over the past two Years. I also want to retire at some point and my house needs a ton of work. Do I resent this? Of course as I have been telling both of them this is not sustainable.
I have said no.
And mother leaves voice mails that I need to give them the money for my nephew. That I am heartless and will inherit my parents home my father is still living in. I'm sure that house will have liens on it as mother herself has huge credit card debt that is at ceiling limit.
It infuriates me that ny parents blue collar workers both are now left with nothing by my mother and brother. He a professional!
Nip this in the bud NOW. If
Nip this in the bud NOW. If you give them any financial help it will vanish like snow in the sun and the next demand will be higher. The demands won't cease until you've been cleaned out too. Do not give them a penny. Direct them to a financial advisor if you're feeling generous. They are the only ones responsible for being in this mess.
Stick to your guns.
Don't do it
Worst case, he loses his house. Then what? He and they will have to live in an apartment like millions of people do. You know your mom is enabling him and at her age, is unlikely to wake up and change. I know this is hard to watch. Stay strong. The best thing you can do for everybody is take care of yourself. Down the road, your dad will need you, most likely, mom, too.
Oh my goodness that's awful!!
Oh my goodness that's awful!!!! So ask your mother what is going to happen to your brother and his kid when she dies. Who will take care of them like she does?? It's not going to be you so she needs to wake up and stop enabling him so he can learn to fend for himself.
My nephew
I think he had a child to fix himself and everyone said he wouldn't be able to do it. My mother never gave him the opportunity. I told her from the beginning to let him get a babysitter or nanny. But she left my father and moved across the country. My brother is so lazy. Does nothing. I honestly think if my mother was not there he would not want to be a single parent. And yes when my mother passes my DH and I would take care of my nephew.
Hopefully your dead beat
Hopefully your dead beat idiot brother will live until you nephew turns 18 and that shallow and polluted end of your family gene pool will never be your problem to solve.
Not wasting your hard earned and saved resources on lazy and irresponsible people is neither mean nor selfish. Regardless of what anyone says to you. Regardless of who they may be.
Giving them ANY amount of
Giving them ANY amount of money would only be a band-aid solution, which is not a solution, at all, and would hurt your family in the process.
This is definitely a situation that your brother created, himself, and that your mother has enabled. I would feel no obligation to take money out of MY retirement to fund their foolishness, it will be money down the drain. They will just have to move back in with your father and figure this out.
You, nor your money, can fix this. Please stand strong.
How old is your nephew?
How old is your nephew?
You know exactly what’s going on
The question is. To cut ties and what happens happens. Or go down with the sinking ship. Your brother will never work or have anything. I am sorry that your mother put herself the place she is in..
You owe it to your family and your family well being to not throw money at them. What does yoir SO think of this.
Wow. I think you have to
Wow. I think you have to stand firm that it's not your job to give up 30K to save your brother's house. If he loses his house, he can rent a place. Your mother is a world-class enabler, but you do not have to be. It might mean you lose the house you stand to inherit, but it may be worth it.
Not to mention, that 30K will
Not to mention, that 30K will not "save" the house, it will only buy some time. He will be in the same situation before long. It will be a total waste of OP's money.
Take that $30 grand in cash….
And use it to scrub your toilets. You will get more value for your money than letting your brother flush your money down the toilet of his defaulted mortgage. Which he will only default on again in the not too distant future.
At least your toilets will be clean.