it really just makes me sad for him. 

OSD here went to local city hall to get married. Did she tell DH about the marriage? Nope. She called DH's cousin to tell her about the marriage so the news would get back to him. 
Was DH hurt? You bet. But, in reality, it was, and is, just another incident in the long line of how can I hurt Dad actions. 

Not a direct correlation, but our marginally related experience was when DW and I married. We eloped. It was announced.  My dad was overseas and could not make it, mom was in the States visiting us and her family, and doing the new Gramma thing with my then freshly delivered niece.  So mom was there, my brother/SIL/niece were there, my college BFF and his GF where there, and my DW's Aunt and Uncle were there.

No one in DW's direct family bothered to come.  Likely a protest of some sort, but as is usual for my IL clan, no one will ever say anything directly to anyone. They play the behind the scenes sneaky undermining bullshit games.

Now that we are approaching our 30th anniversary, the games still continue, though our marriage is fully accepted. Not that it would matter if it wasn't.  We would scrub their noses in the facts of our marriage regardless.  

Play stupid games, experience discomfort.  

They still have not learned that lesson.  Likely they never will. Their MO is to ignore the crap that is blatant, make maintaining the facade of manipulative bullshit their hill to die on, and pretend that the polished turd of their delusion is not shit.  So, I play the full frontal turd detector card when necessary.  Though more rarely, DW keeps reality present for them as well.

My heart hurts for him.

I had a VERY stormy relationship with my father growing up  (understatement) probably because we were so alike. However,  when dh and I got married, we only invited immediate family. We needed 2 witnesses. I suggested we ask our fathers because they missed out on so much when we were young. I cannot imagine the pain your dh must have felt at being completely excluded from his child's wedding. 

Skids like this behave this way to show loyalty to their dysfunctional BMs and receive approval, to mete out punishment for usually imagined offenses committed by their fathers, and because they--the skids--are just awful people. It is painful to witness. And it's hard to grasp why so many of these dads will practically ask "how high?" when the ingrates ask them to jump.

My parents never would have forgiven and forgiven and forgiven and told me they wuvved me no matter what. Which makes all of this even more difficult for me to wrap my head around. 

When my SD told her dad that she got married, it was, "Haha, guess what I did and didn't tell you?" The only reason she told him was to hurt him, to let him know that she had done it behind his back.

She meant to keep it a secret even longer, as it emancipated her, ending child support, but she just couldn't pass up the chance to say, "Eff you."

I know that BM was behind it, but still.

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Sounds close to what Feral Forger would do. Except right now shes feeling "abandoned", because he wasnt able to pay her cell phone bill.