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Disengaged and cruel

Newimprvmodel's picture

Disengaged works both ways. I overhead DH today leaving VM for SD who lives a plane ride away congratulating her and fiancé on " momentous occasion and best wishes."  I assume she got married. Gee and I bet she did not invite her poor father although her mother and fiancés family all live in the same town. How cruel?  I'm sure he would have gone in a heartbeat.  I learned with this SD she will take and take and yet it does not make her care about you in the least. I tried and finally disengaged entirely hence DH did not share this news with me. It's sad for a family to be like this. But not my choosing. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

He's been a great father to his kids. This daughter was so vicious to him even as an adult. But she's a phony just like her mother was to him. 

notarelative's picture

OSD here went to local city hall to get married. Did she tell DH about the marriage? Nope. She called DH's cousin to tell her about the marriage so the news would get back to him. 
Was DH hurt? You bet. But, in reality, it was, and is, just another incident in the long line of how can I hurt Dad actions. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

His ex was brutal to him during the divorce many years ago. I can t tell you the really hurtful crazy things done to us by the kids and ex and the kids were all adult age at the time. He forgot and forgave.  I offered the olive branch and they superfically accepted but basically are totally disengaged from me and my kids.  DH is for cell phone support and chats only. 

Rags's picture

Not a direct correlation, but our marginally related experience was when DW and I married. We eloped. It was announced.  My dad was overseas and could not make it, mom was in the States visiting us and her family, and doing the new Gramma thing with my then freshly delivered niece.  So mom was there, my brother/SIL/niece were there, my college BFF and his GF where there, and my DW's Aunt and Uncle were there.

No one in DW's direct family bothered to come.  Likely a protest of some sort, but as is usual for my IL clan, no one will ever say anything directly to anyone. They play the behind the scenes sneaky undermining bullshit games.

Now that we are approaching our 30th anniversary, the games still continue, though our marriage is fully accepted. Not that it would matter if it wasn't.  We would scrub their noses in the facts of our marriage regardless.  

Play stupid games, experience discomfort.  

They still have not learned that lesson.  Likely they never will. Their MO is to ignore the crap that is blatant, make maintaining the facade of manipulative bullshit their hill to die on, and pretend that the polished turd of their delusion is not shit.  So, I play the full frontal turd detector card when necessary.  Though more rarely, DW keeps reality present for them as well.



Winterglow's picture

My heart hurts for him.

I had a VERY stormy relationship with my father growing up  (understatement) probably because we were so alike. However,  when dh and I got married, we only invited immediate family. We needed 2 witnesses. I suggested we ask our fathers because they missed out on so much when we were young. I cannot imagine the pain your dh must have felt at being completely excluded from his child's wedding. 



MorningMia's picture

Skids like this behave this way to show loyalty to their dysfunctional BMs and receive approval, to mete out punishment for usually imagined offenses committed by their fathers, and because they--the skids--are just awful people. It is painful to witness. And it's hard to grasp why so many of these dads will practically ask "how high?" when the ingrates ask them to jump.

My parents never would have forgiven and forgiven and forgiven and told me they wuvved me no matter what. Which makes all of this even more difficult for me to wrap my head around. 

hereiam's picture

When my SD told her dad that she got married, it was, "Haha, guess what I did and didn't tell you?" The only reason she told him was to hurt him, to let him know that she had done it behind his back.

She meant to keep it a secret even longer, as it emancipated her, ending child support, but she just couldn't pass up the chance to say, "Eff you."

I know that BM was behind it, but still.

Rags's picture

If not, he needs to. While suing BM for penalties and interest for not returninig his overpayment immediately.

Instead of being hurt, daddy needs to celebrate, post his joy on social media so she and eveyrone else can enjoy his joy with him, and make sure to develop a great meme with a particularly unflattering pic of SD  photoshoped into a butt fugly wedding dress with "GOOD RIDDANCE and good luck to my new Soninlaw!." in bold celebratory font.



This kid is shit. This is a great day for your side, the quality side of the blended family equation.

Congratulations to you and your DH.  Enjoy your raise.

CLove's picture

Sounds close to what Feral Forger would do. Except right now shes feeling "abandoned", because he wasnt able to pay her cell phone bill.