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I feel like the other woman.

Newimprvmodel's picture

DH and I  took a trip out of the country rural area and had a lovely day hiking together.  As we are celebrating end of trail and beautiful view DH says you rest I want to go further up for 5 minutes to see THAT view over there. He goes and of course I can hear him on the phone with his beloved. You guys know right??  He's only gone 5 minutes walks back and later that day I said to him that it is like an obsession. Why on a beautiful hike with your wife does your mind go to an adult daughter who really doesn't bother to visit you and has nothing to do with your wife after 15 years?  He refuses to respond and then I said he set it up this way. He tolerated their distain of me and my kids. Relationship with us optional. My ex is remarried and all kids pretty tight. Honestly this behavior would never have been tolerated. Again he refused to discuss it. 
But I also tolerated it. Years ago before we were married I would arrange to get the kids together preparing days and food snd his daughters would refuse to show up. Not a word from mister mouse their father. 
It makes me feel bad. Really. Why would my husband have to call his princess on our special day together?  It's not normal. But I need to let it go. 

Rags's picture

Rather than let it go, keep rubbing his nose in the stench of the failed family shit stain he keeps polluting your life and marriage with.

The more he insults you with his behavior, make sure he understands how failed he is as a partner. Again.

Newimprvmodel's picture

So I keep trying to ignore and bare my soul here. Lol. 
but as most of these darling disengaged SDs do he always has to tell me that her ending her calls with him saying please tell Mary that I said hello is proof that she does not have a mean bone in her body toward me. Look how much she cares about you!  Lol. 
What utter crap. I have not had a text call Happy Birthday Merry Christmas over the past year. She is an utter stranger to me. And I'm supposed to make it nice if she decides to ever visit again?  Forget about that. 

AgedOut's picture

I would not ignore it. I'd call him out on it every damn time. I'd point out how icky it is that he treats his wife like she's his side piece and his grown daughter like she's his lover. I'd say it every damn time he pulls that crap. And if you're with friends or family, still call it out or make a little joke to make your point 

"Hubs is calling his super secret girlfriend again. Man I wish he's treat her less like his wife and more like a daughter. \"


"he'll be right back, he has to check in with his side piece.. I mean daughter ..every few minutes or she might stop loving him"



Harry's picture

In this relationship.  What you do with that is up to you.  I would tell DH, he's not to do that again. He's stop doing unkind things, or go live with his DS.  He can pick a time,  go into the car/garage and have  his lovely talks with DD.  
You really need to have a or the talk with DH.  Tell him he's sick needs help. And you will not stand for this disrespect anymore.  Either he knocks off his crap. Puts you on the pedestal you belong on, or you will find someone, younger to do that.  Then and SD can cry together,  they don't even have to text. 

JRI's picture

I have similar issues with DH86 and SD62 so I know what you mean.

But, I have an idea why your DH called that day, that time.  I think he was happy, having good feelings.  He called her then thinking to transfer or share the mood.  It was probably an unconscious thing.  

My DH86 usually goes in another room or outside when speaking to SD62.  He's embarrassed by her condition (needy, untruthful, scamming) and needs time afterwards to put the best spin on the latest dumpster fire.

Newimprvmodel's picture

Any wonderful experience he reaches to share with her. And I have to say at times he would text my daughter even  who lives with us. 
I think the reason it bothers me is because she has rejected me and my kids for the past 15 years and my husband never ever called her on it.  He himself is rejected by her but he is too blind to realize it. She is manipulative and their entire relationship is phone or text. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I understand that you have made peace with your situation and that you come here to vent. But when I read the phrase, "I need to let it go," my first thought was no - you need to let him go. So sorry he had to ruin a wonderful experience.

Kaylee's picture

Yeah there was NO need to immediately call her! If he wanted to share his happiness about the experience, put a few pics on Facebook later on...

These men are so dense.

MorningMia's picture

This was painful to read. It makes me sad! Since he seems unable/unwilling to, can you make RULES? Don't say, "You can't call your daughter." Since you know he's "in love" with her, why not make a rule, "Please call your daughter AFTER we get home." "Call your daughter at X time." etc. Do a preemptive strike: be the first one to bring it up. 

Another phenomenal tactic I witnessed several years ago was with a couple I was friends with. The man was ALWAYS late, always lagging behind. We all had issues with that. So, he gets in this new relationship, and this woman is remarkable. She didn't wait around or get mad at him. She acted. When we all had somewhere to go and he wasn't ready, she'd say, "Ok, we're leaving. Now," and she would guide all of us (except him) out the door and we would LEAVE. Of course, he'd suddenly be ready and come running after us. I loved it! 

In situations like this, when you hear your DH talking to his lover (sorry), what would happen if you just walked away? Walked back to the car? Abandon him like he has abandoned you in those moments. Can you walk (or, better, drive) to a restaurant and have a drink?  What happens if you turn the tables? What if you leave the house in the morning when he starts one of his love-calls when you want private time? If you suck it up and try to forget about it, that doesn't make the rudeness or your feelings go away. 

This man needs a schedule to talk to the woman who has spurned him. Sigh. 


Merry's picture

I actually did that. We had to make a rule about no phones on date night. He broke the rule, I excused myself to the restroom, went to the car and drove home.

He got home somehow, walked in the door and apologized. Hasn't happened since. I found that all the talking, discussing, tears, begging for his attention didn't work and at some point became pathetic on my part. So I took action. If he can abandon me so easily, I could turn the tables just as easily. 

CLove's picture

where husband was at a function sitting there talking to someone I despised. I had been waiting there for him to arrive.

He got upset with me "grilling him about it".

He doesnt understand its a 2 way street and I will do the same to him.

So, he needs to be called out for allowing  interferance into your precious time together.