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Ill believe it when it happens

Newimprvmodel's picture

So the queen has said she "might" visit in June "sometime".(my kids would bet money she does not visit)  This after two years of avoiding coming to our home.  Of course she and husband burn up the phone lines even when we were out of the country. I know she started texting H Mother's Day morning but H actually remained engaged with me and my son, we all had a great day out together.  of course i heard not a word from his children. 

So here's my dilemma or maybe not.  Over the many years I have gone out of my way for his kids when they visited us.  Flowers in room, freshly baked favorite goodies, homemade fancy meals etc etc. We would be friendly and I would spend the whole weekend with H and the visitor, doing fun things for and with them.  I have not had any contact with steps in almost a year. Nothing. Why should I lift a finger for basically strangers who have rejected my overtures for years?  Since I am the one who cooks and food shops I will go to the stores and make sure dinner items are in the fridge and maybe some dips from store, but the cooking will not be done by me. H might get his nose out of joint but I can't pretend anymore. Life is too short. I will do things with them as if I refuse that would be crossing a red line.  i dont want a war with H, and honestly its not worth it over people I rarely ever see.

I have to say Mother's Day was good, even heard from various folks including my ex wishing me happy Mother's Day. Anyone hear from your steps on that day?  Did you fall off your chair?  Lol. 

classyNJ's picture

I'm a betting girl Smile

I would do exactly as you stated, get the food needed, but not the flowers in the room, etc.  That is for people that appreciate you for going the extra mile.

I did get Happy Mothers day texts from SS26, SS21 and his GF and SS26 ExGF who we love.  But they have not had any contact with DBDB for about 3 years so Im it. 

JRI's picture

You'll feel better not going to extra lengths and they won't notice or care, either.

All 5 of my bios and steps responded with gifts or calls so I'm happy and lucky .  Life is good 

notarelative's picture


CajunMom's picture

interactions with DHs kids. (DH is aging quicker than me so I'm thinking they will have to visit here to see him in the future). 

They will be greeted as anyone coming into my home. I'll offer coffee/tea/water, see them to the den and politely excuse myself to other plans or tasks. I have no problems cooking a meal for them because I cook at our home. They will have to eat what is on MY menu for that lunch or dinner. If they must stay at our home, NOTHING will be done to the bedrooms. They are coming into my space, so it will stay as I like it. I will not be in deep relation with Day's kids....they get "of me" what they've been trustworthy with and that happens to be ZERO. So, it will be respectful, civil but superficial. Of course, I don't buy gifts, don't send birthday greetings, etc. I don't send gift to DHs grands as I have no part of that world. So, pretty much "acquaintences" coming into my home. 

They're lucky their getting that.

hereiam's picture

I certainly wouldn't go out of my way for them, that's for sure. They are your husband's kids, he can do for them since they can't treat you with any respect.

 Anyone hear from your steps on that day?    

My SD wished me a Happy Mother's Day, only because she was on the phone with DH.

I have never expected her to acknowledge me on that day (I am child free by choice) and have never cared whether she did or didn't, I'm not her mother.

Have I done things for her over the years? Sure, I've been in her life for 27 years, but I'm still not her mother.

DH always acknowledges me, even though I tell him, "I'm not a mother!" He insists on getting me gifts, anyway.

AgedOut's picture

I did hear from my SS/his fiance. But to be honest I expected it. The biggest deal was hearing from both of my sons!!


As for your 'guests' treat them like they're motel guests. fresh sheets, ddirections to the fridge for water, etc. Then excuse yourself so that they can have that dad time they're craving. 

PetSpoiler's picture

I wouldn't do a thing for them.  His kids, his problem.  I'm the same way with my MIL.  I'm on good terms with her now where she doesn't drive me insane because she is in a nursing home now and not living fifty feet away from us anymore.  But if he goes to get her he deals with everything concerning her.  I do cook, but it's usually because I was going to be cooking whether she was here or not.  

His oldest child is not welcome here.  Did not hear from SS and am glad.  It would have ruined my day and it was already going downhill after I talked to my mother.  

CLove's picture

Being no contact with Feral Forger Sd25 and having her blocked every which way but wednesday will do that.

SD17 Princess Powersulk, nope. She was busy with her mother Im sure, and out with friends. Hope she graduates this year...I am childless not by choice, and mother didnt want to do anything so it was a day that had many possibilities, but I got mired in my own emotional regret cesspool...time to make plans and do things...

Rags's picture

Since I am the one who cooks and food shops I will go to the stores and make sure dinner items are in the fridge and maybe some dips from store..."

Nope. Do nothing. If daddy wants them to eat, let him do the shopping and cooking.  Make sure he knows why and make sure he understands that if he so much as throws  you a look of contempt for not coddlecatering to them that you will directly address his crap in front of whichever of his failed family spawn are present.

Clarity is a blessing we give to ourselves when we provide it to others.

Give rose

MorningMia's picture

When we do things like this--take care of the shopping, etc.--for ingrates, it becomes expected, both by the DHs and the ingrates. My DH used to at least go to the grocery store before the ingrates showed up (he had to make sure that snookums 1 and 2 had their special treats); my mistake was doing so before a big Thanksgiving dinner. Never again. 

Little Type Amy's picture

This right here! It has also been my experience too that if I even do anything remotely kind to my SD, she is quick to lay out ther expectations of  special favors and treatment because she feels entitled. Not even asking me what I thought or intended. Then she goes all scorched earth ( kind of)  when she doesnt get her never ending needs met which are insatiable ..then wonders why I disengaged. She'd be lucky if I so offered a glass of water now if she dared to "grace" me with her presence. 

Harry's picture

Make plans to do something in those days. Getting out early and staying out late. Passed dinner and clean up time.  DH and the queen can have there royal court together.  You can book a hotel with a spar. And have a spar weekend