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This makes no sense

Newimprvmodel's picture

So H and his daughter are enmeshed by cell and text. For many years. We live 4 hours apart and she has not been to our home in over 2 years. H finds out tonight D is traveling next weekend for a social event and she will pass by an hour away from us. I hear him tell her she needs to stop by. Now he tells me he thinks. Thinks she will spend a few hours with him. Unreal. She tosses crumbs out to him and yet visits her mother for weeks on end as well as her own in-laws.  Ok I get that  BUT WHY ALL THE DAILY TEXTS AND CALLS if she doesn't want to bother with him??!?? Please explain this to me.  And him also. Tonight I said why don't you drive down to her?  Answer we'll see.  ????   Ok folks what am I missing here.  Besties but not really?


MorningMia's picture

Is she "afraid" of you? Will she be somehow betraying her mom if she visits you all? Is there something about her physically that she is embarrassed of? Have you asked your husband this question?

Newimprvmodel's picture

But clearly H feels a vibe of not being welcomed with open arms. Why does he not visit her?  Now I guarantee that she will go to the family vacation home when H goes this summer. Since she moved several hours away, H and I have not been there without her joining us. My own kids are not invited. So she's not afraid of me when she wants to go somewhere. And the last time we were there she took off the first day with a friend she ran into. 
I think she sees this house as my house which it is. She will never come here for any holiday and she doesn't have the baggage in her relationship with her in laws. She only comes here if she happens to be in the area. Poor H. He must see it. At first he told himself it was expensive to travel?!  I think she honestly is needy and nosy.  She asks him questions and he follows along. 

ESMOD's picture

TBH.. if the totality of their relationship is some phone calls and texts.. you might consider your self lucky that you don't have to deal with her constant

Harry's picture

is still looking for that big happy family. Having SD as part of it, He doesn't understand he's not part of her happy family.  SD doesn't want to stay by you. Good one less.  I would not want anyone who doesn't want to be with me.  As long as DH has his mind going that it's a Happy family all is good,  

'at least for him.  

hereiam's picture

Texting and calling is easier than visiting in person. It's not as emotionally taxing and one can end the conversation at any time. It's what they are used to. In person visits would probably be awkward, at this point.

Rags's picture

Cowards can also grow a spine or testicular fortitude in a text message.  Something they do not have IRL.  Even a telephone call is the new face to face conversation, the bowing up crap is far less likely on a call, and confidence has very little presence when these types actually have to talk.

When it happens, it needs to be shut down and the kid put in their place.

Texts also give mental numbnuts a chance to self delude thinking that they have half a brain.  They rarely can communicate intelligently in real time in a face to face or even a spoken telephone conversation.

IMHO of course.

Newimprvmodel's picture

She just maintains her relationship with her father. Certainly not his wife and step kids. It's not messy. She clearly wants nothing to do with us.  Never had. And all the while she makes H believe that is not the case. He just refuses to see it. 
 And to think I tried so hard. Lol. I would have much preferred an active family member with all the problems than what I have now.  It's such an intrusion. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

From the other. Interesting. She still pretends to not be disengaged and her father keeps the illusion going. 
she could come on this board and give us a lesson on how to be disengaged. Lol. It's worked well for her.  

BobbyDazzler's picture

And I agree, thank God her presence is only texts and phone calls. It sounds like you're trying to control a situating that you can't control.