DH asking loaded questions...
Yesterday, after a particularly tough go with my SK, DH and I are talking after all the kids are asleep. SK, of course, is the main topic because-- well, SK is almost always the cause of angst and dissention in the house.
DH asks, "do you wish you'd married someone without a kid?". Not wanting to lie to him, I said the thought had crossed my mind. I always think of him and describe him as the perfect man, except for his kid. That was my thought process years ago when we were dating-- "but hes perrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect <3<3<3, and his kid is cute! Kind of a lot of baggage, but he's perrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect!"
Now, years later and 2 biokids later, I look at it differently. He IS great, and I love him to the ends of the Earth. But I should've never discounted just how much of a struggle his oldest child is and will continue to be. My SK has had major struggles over the past almost 2 years now, and it has gone from quiet defiance and subtle attitude to full on pre-teen like blow ups at everyone-- but mostly the babies. DH and I are spinning our wheels trying to get a handle on it, only to be undone by a BM that refuses to enfore any type of rules or punishment or lose the status as the "cool" parent.
Even though it is counterproductive-- many days I just sit and think to myself... WHY did he have a kid while in a dead end marriage?!?!?! We could have a real shot at a supremely happy life, if not for the constant issues with SK and BM. DH checks all the boxes: he's smart, hardworking, hands on dad and husband, he cooks and cleans and fixes things, he loves to travel and experience new places and try new foods, he's always willing to try a new activity and encourages me to explore my hobbies as well, he never gripes at me over things like money or friends--- I mean we really, really are HAPPY.... until SK is involved. Then the house is tense, and we're spending the entire weekend trying to figure out how to balance 3 kids when 1 is a part timer with an attitude.
So when he asked me if I wished I'd married someone else, it felt like a relief in a way that he recognized how hard this is, but also broke my heart because we both know the answer to that is yes, sometimes (read: all the time) I do. I wish I got DH without the kid.