How Naive Am I?
I've been with FDH for over two years. We got engaged at the end of May while there was a huge custodial fight going on with his ex. Long story short, in January FDH's son (11) was taken into state custody along with his three step siblings and half baby brother because BM and her current husband were physically abusing the children and overmedicating them for disability checks. The judge did not award FDH emergency custody because we live in a different state, he was a deacon at a church and frowned heavily upon FDH living "with a girlfriend, out of wedlock".
Together, we had to go through background checks, home studies, interviews with both states and their CPS... It was a lot.
In May he proposed; I was shocked because we had thrown 5k into a lawyer already this year and he basically had told me in January right after everything happened that he had planned to propose but had to pay the lawyer. (That whole conversation hurt me, I wasn't sure why he felt it was necessary to tell me that at the time) ... So when May came around and he randomly popped the question, I was excited but also nervous because I was pretty positive we were going to get his son full time. I was only used to having him around on school breaks. I knew it was going to be a huge change for everyone but knew in my heart I REALLY loved this guy and wanted to make it work.
So here we are, we have his son full time. He's been here since June 13th and has seen his mother one time. He is doing terrible in school. He lies all the time. FDH works a LOT of overtime and I am left to take care of his son. If I have something going on or make myself unavailable, his parents take his son. He spends the least amount of time with him. When he IS home, he's tired. I get it. He works about 60 hours some weeks, he's also in the National Guard so he has drill weekends, etc... But why fight for full custody of your son if you're not going to make time and be a parent? As it stands, since school started, I know a majority of what's going on and what's supposed to happen. I have had to stomp and scream to get that man's attention and make him give two shits about some things.
To top it off, yesterday one of our "couple friends" told me that they feel like he only proposed to me so he could get his son and have someone around to take care of him while he's working all the time.
That was a slap in the face.
Part of me wants to still defend him and firmly say, "no, he's working a ton of overtime to get us out of the debt he incurred through all of this court shit earlier this year and to pay the bills". But when he IS at home, I feel like the house nanny. I clean up after him and his son all the time AND just a week ago he impulsively adopted a puppy from the humane society - Stating it was his. But guess who's been home watching the dog every day? I have my dog, but she is well trained and past that wild puppy stage.
Sigh. I keep running all this through my head, getting stressed and don't know what to do. I really love this guy but after what this friend (She's by no means a great friend of MINE.. SHe's the wife of a man he works with..) said to me yesterday, it feels like more and more I'm seeing these flags. I'm 25. I feel too young to be dealing with all of this and don't know how to "fix it".