When is it really time to give up and leave?
I've been coming here for quite some time now.. Usually complaints about behavior and FDH lacking in the parenting department.
I think I'm getting to that point where I'm realizing I can't do this whole full-time custody thing. Just in May we got full custody of SS11 bc his mother and stepfather abused him and his stepsiblings, they all wound up in state custody.
I have tried EVERYTHING I can think of to make things better, easier, more smooth in this household. SS11 sees a therapist once a week, he's been seeing another doc about medications (It was believed he may have ADHD but those meds just bring out tourette like tics so now they're looking into an anxiety med)
He had to switch schools after only three months bc one of his teachers literally blew up on me and told me off one day when I came in to clean out his desk and search for missing homework assignments.
NO ONE can spend more than 24 hours with this kid and not want to return him back to us. He does not listen. At all. He doesn't try at school. HE LIES ALL THE TIME. At times I've caught him hitting my dog. He's just a huge pain in the ass and his behavior as a whole is causing me and FDH to fight. A lot.
Right now he's actually visiting his mother for the first time since May for a week. (Don't ask, the state said it was ok even after the abuse was proven). And in the two and a half days that he's been gone the tension is finally gone in our house. We haven't argued. We've enjoyed our alone time again like we were first dating again. I know it's going to return to how it's been when SS11 returns.. And I'm dreading it. That constant feeling of a burden, anger, annoyance.
But I love FDH so much. Does this get easier over time?? Or do I need to just realize it'll never go away or change and leave? It breaks my heart thinking about leaving FDH but I just can't stand this kid and don't know how to not make it such an overwhelming feeling.
Please help me out here... Tell me about your past experiences or what you know.
He's a tough cookie, your
He's a tough cookie, your SS... and i cannot think of any easy solution but what is bound to work better than anything else is a boarding school. Look into advocates for children, educational advocates, etc. in your state. Ask your SS's therapist for referral. If your SS is not classified for special ed., get him classified. And after that get an advocate or a lawyer and send him to a special school. It is not easy to pull off, but it can be done.
This thread is beginning to
This thread is beginning to look like Gee Officer Krupke from the West Side Story. We all have opinions about what is wrong with the kid/his parents/the system that took him away from his parents. You may want to get a better diagnosis first and then decide it that is something you are ready to spend many years dealing with. Has he had a psychiatric evaluation? Is the doctor who is prescribing the meds a psychiatrist or his pediatrician? I would seek out an experienced child psychiatrist and get his/her view of what is going on and what the prognosis is.
I can tell you that lying all the time and being cruel to animals are not good signs.
In my opinion things will only get worse once he hits puberty. No amount of parenting classes can prepare the parents to deal with what is promising to be a very rocky road ahead. You need to get more or better specialists involved, the sooner the better.
Or you may want to look for love elsewhere. There is plenty of child-less fish in the sea. Or so i am told.