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had blow out with bf, need advice please!!!!

stressedstepmom2009's picture

so sd11 has been so HORRIBLE, stealing my things, lying, screaming in my face. about the only thing bf does is 'ground' her, but obviously t doesnt work.

so, tonight when she went to bed, i didnt say goodnight. and he jumps down my throat saying that i am immature for not saying goodnight to her. and i am immature for giving her the rest of my gummy bears when she tried to sneak one. and i am immature because i want to send her to a military type school. uh, hello, the kid is out of control!!!!!

so what do i do? how do i explain how i do not like her cause of how she is? its been 5yrs now and it gets worse not better. if i didnt have bd3, i would so leave right now. but ss11 would miss me too much, and sd11 would be jumping for joy.

i told him today that sometmes i am afraid of hurting sd11 when she gets in my face. i am NOT a violent person and i am NOT a bad person. i would NEVER hurt someone. but i feel like i may lose it soon with sd11. he acts like he doesnt care.

startingover2010's picture

why is your bf so concerned with you saying goodnight to his kid when he should be concerned with WHY u wont say it? is he in denial like mine? try to locate your local housing department and ask them about the services you can receive. moving out will be the best thing and may open your bf's eyes.

stepmom008's picture

I know how you feel... like you're the problem in everyone else's eyes and you're the one that's unreasonable. Their precious babies NEVER do anything wrong. UGH. It's taken a couple of years but my BF is finally starting to see things for how they are, not for how he wants to see them. He may still not doing anything about it but at least he realizes it. I'll take what I get as long as I'm seeing progress. I think that's the only way to gauge if things will work or not... if no progress is being made, then maybe it's time to reevaluate...

Jon-Boy's picture

I'd make damn sure that little brat girl got a rude awakening.
Then you should face off with your spouce and demand him to back you.
If my sons did anything to disrespect my wife?
I can only hope she would settle their little issue and come out on top. It has not happened yet, so I am not sure how she would handle it.
And then once I heard about what happened?
I am damn sure my sons would be shittin bricks worried about what they will be dealing with from their father.

Parents need to be a single force not to be reckoned with.

dwbwjc's picture

personally..I would refuse to become involved then..if hes not going to back you up with discipline then your not going to get involved. I wouldn't help him with any part of anything that involves the SD. Or from my experience in daycare, school age children love it and learn alot when you show them their behavior.. iam not saying its right to steal from a child, but seriously sometimes children need to experience how it feels.. if she yells or gets in your face calmly explain that you don't hear her when she yells at you, or use the reverse and compliment her when she speaks politely with regards to stealing, if it continues and you really want her to see how it hurts, take her favorite toy or whatever, then explain to her that since she thinks its ok for her to steal from you, you figured itd be ok for you to take from her..she will get it..but i think the most important thing is that he back you up..if he won't back you up, i wouldn't stick around..i definately don't tolerate disrespect at all.. but my situation is a little different, my SD is 6 and her BM is just now becoming involved in her life, so I've played mommy for so long that I can discipline and she last piece of advice, is to actually go out of the house and do something just the 2 of sounds like she maybe feels like no one is listening to her or shes not getting her time, maybe some time with you would create some respect..does she see her BM? if she does, at her BMs is she an only child? because that can create conflict too..going from a house where the focus is all on you and then going some place else where its not..

buttercup123's picture

I'd tell DH that my problem isn't with SD but with him and his lack of parenting skills. He needs to parent up and start enforcing some rules. It's a sad day when an 11 year old runs your house.