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rules i set for skids (am i too hard on them?)

stressedstepmom2009's picture

over the last 5yrs i have tried so hard to get bf on the same page as me. just recently i made up a list of rules for my skids (ss and sd 11yr old twins). i presented them to bf and we had a family meeting with skids (bd3 is too young still--although there is much expected of her as well). here it goes, please tell me if it is too harsh:

1. bedtime is 9pm on school nights, 10 on weekends.
2. no friends over if room and chores are not done.
3. if chore is not done everyday of the week, no allowance.
4. you must respect everyone
5. no back talking.
6. no hitting, or any other physical things out of anger
7. you call when u get to friends house (they have 2 min to call since friends are on same street).
8. hw must be done daily as well as some 1/2hr extra studying.

theres others but i dont want to bore u. bf cant seem to keep sd in line with these rules. ss11 is great with them (some mistakes here and there). are they too hard to follow?

Totalybogus's picture

No you're not being too harsh. These are normal and age appropriate rules. The biggy is getting your bf on board. If the kids live with you, it is important to have house rules that you and your BF agree on and both enforce.

starfish's picture

i am certainly not going to make any friends with this post........ but i think what you have set in place is awesome.... i wish i could or would do such with ass gnats....

we have them 49% of the time, just shy of 50 b/c bm wanted her CS...... anyhoo, at my house, their only few chores if you will is to fold/put away their clothes that i wash/dry and put in their room........ and keep room clean..... i have adopted new rule, if it's on the floor, it's trash.......

i have never claimed to be proud of my behavior, but i just don't like them here at all...... i am never mean to them and i do special things for them on occasion, but in my heart i wish they would move far far far away.... and the next time i was to see them was in about 25 years.... i am hoping to learn how some of you are so more accepting of skids from this site..

Angel37's picture

You're not being harsh...every one of those rules is reasonable.

“Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either”~Aesop

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Except for bed time (which is 9.30pm M-F and weekends depends) and extra study but that only cause BF wont force the extra study time.

I don't think they are to harsh at all. Since SD isn't following them have you still been giving her the allowance or is just SS getting it.
I don't enforce our rules tehy just dont get their pocket money. My SS14 is the worst at chores but cause we are now making him pay for his internet usage on his laptop he needs his allowance to pay for that so he has now gotten better at making sure all his chores and homework is done.

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

but if we had weeks we would have 9:30 bedtimes but weekends are for playing as far as I'm concerned... I don't care what time they go to bed. They are 10.5 and 14 and as long as we don't have to get up early to do something, Friday and Saturday nights are for staying up really really late at our house.

starfish's picture

ss14 gets rewarded for doing homework???

starfish's picture

it was to yours keeps

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

My SS14 doesn't get rewarded for homework but we had to add it on the list of chores because SS would come home from school quickly do his chores and jump on the computer as if he is doing homework but he is really playing games. At parent teacher interview we were told he had alot of outstanding assignments.
So now BF or I check the homework and he has to do it on his laptop in the kitchen where BF and I can see him.
If all homework and chores are done to OUR satisfactory then he gets his full pocket money at the end of the week. If only chores are done and homework isn't as good as we expect and know he is capable of better than no allowance. It may sound like a reward now reading back at what I've written but it's worked for us. The last P/T interview no homework was outstanding and grades are getting better. I guess it abit of an incentive for SS.
This is JMO, it most likely wont work for all.

starfish's picture

i try to teach skids how important school is --- especially homework --- but it falls on deaf ears..... bm NEVER enforces/helps getting homework/projects completed......she does, however, think it is VERY important that AG is part of their elective cirruculum..... not ditching AG, but shouldn't you have basic reading skills first??

momgoingnuts's picture

i dont think that's too harsh at all! omg i've tried and tried to keep the kids to schedule of chores and what not so my question to you is... if they dont do it what's the punishment i have a sd 11 and sd12 and NO punishment seems to work for them! seriously with in an hour their back to doing what got them in trouble the first time and the only chores i expect done is clean up behind themselves and they take turn doing dishes and once in awhile cleaning the living room (because they destroyed it) seriously my bio daughter picks up after herself better and she's 4! let me know thanks!

starfish's picture

i would never let skids clean anything..... they are dirty and do not know how to clean anything...dishes??? i would rather eat out of our dog's bowl than a dish ass gnats washed.... living room??? yep, that's another --- don't need your cleaning here... hall bathroom they use when here --- i put on latex gloves and clean when they are gone for that sacred 6 days we do NOT have them in my house...
don't hate me --- i just can't help it...

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

I just can't imagine.... And if they are I'm soooo sorry you have to deal with it. I guess I'm just very very lucky. My SDs are great kids. Sure they're turds sometimes but all kids are, perfectson was a jackass tonight when he came home from work and HE ruined the fun night I was having with the skids! LOL! SD10.5 can clean house like a pro... I heavily reward her for going above and beyond her 'chores' and she loves pocketing the money! It's a win-win for us. She's learning how to work hard for what she wants and all I have to do is give her cash and she cleans for me! Biggrin