What should I do with my stepdaughter Please help
My husband and I have been married a 2 months and a month his step-daughter came to live with us all the time. Her mother isn’t involved with her anymore. I love this girl already she can be so sweet and cute (she’s 3) I swear she hates me at times though. When I saw her I got down to her level to say hello and I like your hair in pig tails and she slapped me round the face. I made her, her favorite tea (sausages) and she refused to eat it because I had made it and her daddy hadn’t. But later on she wanted me to read her bed time story and she snuggled into me when I did read it. I kissed her forehead and said goodnight. I was happy because I thought she liked me but in the morning her dad had to go to work I took the day off to be with her and she had a fit. I thought it was because her dad left I tried to distract her by picking up one of her baby’s and she didn’t like that so got the baby bottle and hit me round the head with it. She behaved like that all day but at night she snuggled into me.
I took her to day care and she had a fit and started hitting and kicking so I had to take her to work with me. Her behaviour has been like this for the whole month. She is like this with her dad as well. We know she is missing her mom and she is seeing a therapist about it. I asked my husband what he was going to do and he said he thinks we should wait 2 more weeks till he starts to use time out and I have to wait another month before I can use time out. I do sort of have a good relationship with his daughter. Sometimes she likes me but other times she doesn’t. So at the moment my step-daughter has no discipline and we are not teaching her anything. I was wondering should we start using a time out every now and then when she really starts to misbehave? I am getting a bit tired of being a human punch bag which she thinks I am. I get hit kicked and bitten on a daily basis now
Any advice would be appreciated
I'm sorry but if she hits or
I'm sorry but if she hits or bites you the little turd needs to get spanked. Not beaten, spanked. Kids today have no respect because they are coddled like this.
Would YOUR parents, a friend of your parents, or any adult have let YOU bite them? Doubt it.
Why are you already treating this spoiled 3 yo like a precious princess? She's not fine china, and you are laying the ground work for a monster.
My advice is this: she is
My advice is this: she is three. It's less important that she like you and more important that she respects you and feels safe with you. My ss was suddenly abandoned by his bm at age 3 too. He had terrible separation anxiety and some attachment issues for about a year. He needed stability, effective discipline, constant reassurance that he was safe and occasionally he just needed space. He also benefitted from counseling. most three year olds do not have the verbal or cognitive skills to express feelinhs that result feom abandonment and thats when you get biting, hitting, sudden changes in how they seem to feel about you. Ss could be very sweet and cute and then suddenly would not allow me to touch him and would retreat to his bed room and not speak to me for hours. He also experienced depression. He was very little and trying to cope. It takes a lot of patience and understanding to help a little kid through something like that. You have to understand that their behavior has almost nothing to do with you personally and everything to do with the situation . I suggest getting some good books - the parenting with love and logic series is good. Above all else a young child who has been through a traumatic transition (and don't kid yourself, that's what it was) needs stability.
Thats sad! I think when you
Thats sad! I think when you have the time with her and daddy is not around it is your role as her mother to teach her that hiting or any other behavior is not OK! I know it can get confusing as a step parent! The questions you have that you dont feel like you should answer never go away. Its not your child but you are now in the mother role. Treat your daughter like your daughter and do what you feel is good and wright - daddy will just have to back you up - that is if he wants your help. Your luck in the sense that BM is not around controling everything! Good Luck
I think there are some good
I think there are some good ideas to try and maybe try the least intensive first like the hug from behind. I think this is a great approach and if it works great. If not try a time out or maybe try both. While she has her dad and u it sounds like she is dealing with some grief issues since her mom left her. Good luck and I'm glad you ate having patience with this child.