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Great Article

FallingfromGrace's picture

Great article to read, not sure how easy it is do but great idea:

Hope you enjoy it..

Still Have Hope's picture

All SM's should read this. When I stopped trying to be the perfect stepmom I was so much happier. It saved my marriage when I stepped away from the drama that skids and BM brought to our relationship. I let DH deal with BM, scheduling and skids. I concentrated on my 2 bios. I began to think of skids as weekend guests not kids I needed to nurture or instruct. I listened to DH without offering advice. I stopped trying to fix things. My sanity returned. My happiness came back. All my relationships got better. This article is so right.

marty15's picture

"Your husband should get a maid. And a nanny. He should leave you the hell out of that stuff, and you should leave yourself out of it as well. Because, the research shows us, you have enough problems already -- role ambiguity, a greater likelihood of resentful, hostile and rejecting stepkinder than a man would face..."

I so agree with this.
I am currently in the process of removing myself from the role of maid, cook and nanny to my skids...and while it's not perfect, I already feel a lot better. I was getting so resentful serving kids who treat me like a servant and nothing more.

CrystalRE's picture

I have come across this article before and have been trying to adopt this way for thinking for some time. The problem with it is that some men, my DH included, dont want a wife like this. They want a wife like the wife they thought you were when you were doing it all. As unfair as it is to me, it pisses my husband off that I dont still chase after his kids and causes a different kind of strain on our marriage. My point being that this attitude/lifestyle doesnt work for every step-situation.

marty15's picture

No, it definitely won't work for all step-situation. I'm not sure if it will work for mine, long term. All I know is, I'm giving it a try until I feel better. I was getting SO resentful taking care of Skids who treated me like a servant... it was poisoning me.
DH could see how it was making me feel (and he sees how Skids treat me). So he supported me going on "strike" so to speak, for as long as I need to.

Yes, I'm sure a lot of men won't like their maid/cook/nanny/chauffer just up and quitting on them, or going on strike. Smile

p.s. A part of me feels like, well if we weren't married, what would DH be doing? Who would be doing this stuff for Skids?
DH would be doing it on his own, that's who. Or he would have to hire a maid/cook/nanny. And who can afford that, so he'd just be doing on his own.