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Stepmothers on Strike!!!

Lillywy00's picture

im not married 

probably not ever going to get to that point with this Disneyland Dude. 

But I thought this article was interesting and exactly how I feel. 


Exjuliemccoy's picture

The author of the article is Wednesday Martin, who also wrote the book Stepmonster. She so gets the SM experience.

CajunMom's picture

Wish I'd read it 16 years ago.

I love Wednesday Martin. StepMonster was the first book I read that finally validated ME, in that horrid StepMom role. 

Lillywy00's picture

When this fool tried to have me doing school pickups for him and his ex wife .... I avoided his calls (which of course he complained)

When he refused to make his kids clean tf up after themselves (along with being decent human beings inside someone else's house) 

I quickly realized this a$$hole was using me as a FREE janitor, free live in nanny, and expected free labor out of me to make things easier for him and his ingrate ex wife. 

I refused ALL of it. 

And the article validates how most single dads try to push the responsibility for their kids off onto some unsuspecting woman. Often times for free. 

unless these men can pay for Nannie's, maids, and janitors or properly take care of their kids themselves along with their payment plan pr0stitutes, then being with them will be like being with 3+ parasites and more women should refuse to participate in stepmothering with these types of men/exes/kids

Harry's picture

Is after BM and SK   When you get divorced and remarried.  BM is not in the picture. She ranked below you.  As she [BM] does you favors for taking care of her kids.  NOT you doing her favors because she wants BF time.  Your DH thinks of you first not BM first    This is not happening in your marriage..   BM and SK are the queens not you.  Let DH go back to the one he loves BM 

Lillywy00's picture

Thank you Harry

Im letting this situation burn and I'm okay with it. 

Realizing (well I've been realized that perhaps after being in denial myself) that he's emotionally unavailable but simply using me to subsize his child support and childcare which is a total waste of my time  

I do want to leave before he tries to waste any more of my youth and my time which will be for someone who appreciates me and considers my needs more 

Thankfully I didn't get roped into a marriage with him because if this is how he acts with his sloppy scheduling, loose boundaries, unchecked guilt and piss poor priortization skills I cannot see how I would benefit marrying into it. 


CLove's picture

She presented this in two parts...the first was presenting the problems and issues, and then at the end was the introduction to the solution (disengagement, give yourself permission and authority to NOT do these "things").

I need to see that part 2!

Yes, Im guilty of everything except the doing their laundry and cleaning up after them. But the pickups, presents for daddee, entertainment director, therapy, shopping, prom clothes...yep yep yep!

Havent done any of this chit in a looooong time, because thankfully Im now reading and re-reading and pounding it into my head that I DO NOT NEED validation through doing for those that dont want it, dont need it, and dont appreciate it.

Lillywy00's picture

Disengagement (and the word NO as the final answer) has been so helpful. 

The part about stepmothering (and maybe stepfathers too) that bothers me the most is these bio parents delusions of grandeur/unrealistic expectations to do hella free labor to make their/their ex wives/their kids lives easier with bare minimal or no reciprocation