Just explain it to them and ask if it's something they would want to learn more about or partake in. Then you've included them and given them a choice.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum - DH is lapsed Catholic and I'm an agnostic.

BM got pissed at the Catholic church for not recognizing her second marriage (um... thems the rules, idiot. Get an annulment if it means that much to you) and joined a fairly whackadoo version of Baptist.

Now she's fairly nutso; believes that prayer (as opposed to discipline) will "cure" SD15's attitude, has crosses hanging everywhere, sends SD15 to Bible study, youth group, and all-day Sunday services. She insists that it is unAmerican to believe that Muslims should be allowed to live and worship in the US because "this country was built on Christian values." (history fail, there) She also throws out the n-word freely, so that testifies to her "Christian" character.

As far as how we treat religion; I went to Christmas Eve Mass with my MIL and SIL as a respectful non-believer. I enjoyed the service. If SD15 wants to go to church, we will support her and go with her, but she has declined every single time.

*IF* I had bios, I would be pretty ticked at a SM trying to instill her beliefs on my kids without their consent. If they're curious, sure, no problem. If they want to attend full time, their choice. But "we're going, and that's it" no, there'd be a fight.

I think you're right to not discuss with the SKs unless DH is fully supportive. If they ask questions, you can certainly answer, but you probably shouldn't initiate the discussion. It's good you are respectful of BM's wishes, although that needn't always be a deciding factor.

On the other hand, if you and your kids are going to do something new (such as Lent) that the others can't help but notice, you should feel free to explain to them beforehand what you are planning to do and why. Otherwise, they will likely feel excluded. And such a discussion will no doubt raise some questions that you can then answer.

I believe religion should be a positive thing in a person's life, and if it is, then others will see what it does for you and will want it for themselves. Don't let it become a divisive issue in your family. Don't pressure them in any way. Just give them time and opportunities to see how it makes you a more loving and fulfilled person.

how old are they? above 10? let them choose, younger than that, i'd leave it up to dh what they do, my skids are early teens and even though they have the "right" they will not partake in any ceremony or join a church (that dh and i go to) without bm's permission........ok what ever, when we go down to th front they are left at the pew

I think this is dh and bm's role; however, that being said I am willing to take ANYONE to Church with me-so I would be willing to take my skid but with parental approval. If you are discussing the whole conversion, confirmation process I am not sure what that involes in the Catholic Chuch-but my ds11 is going thru it in the Methodist Church-it is 12 weeks of classes. Pretty involved. This is not something I would be willing to take my skid to every week without dh going along as well.

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I'm on the opposite side. My skids BM isn't religious but eldest skid is 8 now so she's going to have her first communion this year. BM will have her do it, not because she believes it but because it's tradition and because the skid will get a lot of money from relatives at the big party afterward. So skids are coming around now talking about 'holy god' this and that and 'people in heaven' which presents a problem for me because I am 100% against brainwashing a child.

When my older kids were young I encouraged them to explore ANY religion. They went with friends to church activities. They participated in mormon, 7th day adventist, baptist, methodist, catholic, jehovah's witness, muslim....events. I think being knowledgeable is important. How can anyone, particularly a child, make a REAL decision as to what to believe if they are only presented with one option to choose from? That's how religion works though. People are indoctrinated into one and remain ignorant and prejudiced against any other. The fact is that most religious people don't 'choose' their religion at all, they were indoctrinated to it and didn't really make informed choices. That devout christian would be a devout muslim or hindu had he/she been born in a muslim or hindu country and would be just as convinced that Islam was the 'right' religion. It's only by exposure to and education on a wide variety of religions that someone can truly 'choose' one to believe, and the fact is that the more educated one becomes on different religions, the less likely they are to believe ANY of them. It's hard to take stories about crucified saviours and virgin births seriously when you know that Jesus was actually the 17th time that particular story was the basis of a religion.

But I digress. So my skids are coming around with their talk about holy god and heaven and they are just repeating what they are told like parrots, they have nothing to compare these beliefs to and my skid will take her communion but, in my mind it's meaningless because she didn't choose it at all, she's just doing what's expected of her.

I have to counter it to make sure my child isn't also brainwashed. I do this by telling them that yes, some people believe that but other people believe different things. I talk about what other people believe and make sure they know that there are other options out there. I don't tell them they are wrong, I just make sure they know that what they are being told is just ONE version of religion out of thousands across the world and that none of them are more 'right' than any other. I encourage them to learn everything they can about many religions so they can make an informed choice.

So, I wouldn't care if someone took my child to church as long as my child was also exposed to several other beliefs in more or less equal measure.

Religions is definitely not our territory as SP's. Leave that to the bios.

In our family, my DH and his parents are uber-Christian. I, on the other hand, was raised Christian, but after lots of research - both inward and outward - am now spiritual and open about what it all means. Interestingly enough, DH's ex was SUPER Christian (talks about it all the time, goes to church all the time, and is planning to be a minister because she "heard a calling) but she was and remains the most vile, manipulative, heartless, sour-grapes-eating wench I know. I find it sad really... Because she is the kind of person that could potentially turn someone away from God... Her son is now just as Jr. SuperChristian and is now the shortest hypocrite I know. LOL!

Pardon my rant. Bottom line: Anything that deals with eternity, spirituality, etc... should have buy-in from the bios.

My story is my SD's were raised Catholic. My DH and I attend a contemporary service at a United Methodist church. Well, the comments from the SD's have been, "you don't go to church, it's just a rock concert", "you don't have a large crucifix, so God is not there", etc. DH tried to address these concerns with BMto find out what she tells them, etc, but she won't respond. Which makes me feel that these are her feelings also. This summer, we are going to attend at least one traditional service in the large Sanctuary, to show them the large cross, altar, etc. The contemporary service is set up in the Family Life Center. It is been even said that we worship the devil because of our services.