I can totally see this!! Not in my relationship personally, but from seeing so many friends' relationships suffer after having kids. My relationship comes first, and my babies come second.
That may sound harsh, but being a SAHM gives me enough time with my kiddos to nurture, care, feed, teach and learn. But once FDH is home from work it's family time, FDH and I have time to talk while the kids play, we connect with the little ones at dinner (when FDH doesn't have to work OT) FDH has his time with the kids while I take my break from mom life (go for a drive, get a manie pedie, things I want to do, but can't during the day cause of the kids)
Then 8 o'clock Bed time for babies and FDH and I have uninterrupted time to ourselves.
I don't feel bad that the kids don't get enough time with us, cause they do. It's not like I have a 9-5 job, I'm with them 24/7. and it's not like we ignore them when FDH is home. We involve them in our things, but I am more focused on showing my kids what a good relationship looks like so that they can STRIVE for that, rather than settling with someone that they think they can live with.
And as for the sex, I can totally see it. I'm not a person who needs sex ALL the time, Honestly; If I stopped having sex today I would be content. Sure I enjoy it during the fact, but it takes a little bit for me to get going... But it was like that even BEFORE I had kids. (I mean I didn't have sex til I was 19, and only had 3 sexual partners before FDH... and that's counting My exH) But that's just me, and I've explained it to FDH, he understands, therefore; HE works harder to get me in the mood. Be it showing me affection when he gets home, to bringing me flowers and a card just because. He doesn't make me feel weird for how I am, he just works with me. And that is one of the reasons I love him. = )
(sorry for the detail, lol, but I just couldn't stop.)
Like I said, I can see how people can put the kids first, they are little attention suckers!! Especially Steps, only because they are not always home. BUT the way we (FDH and I) see it, we are going to be together for the rest of our lives, and the kids will only be in our house for 18 years (20 MAX). So we work on US and show our children how to treat the ones they love by example.
I read a quote on Pintrest the other day that hit home for me, and I have chosen to live by it (and a few others)
"I want the kid of Marriage that makes my kids want to get married"
And I'm happy to say (even though we're not married yet)I have that.
and we're not perfect, we have baggage, but it matches... and we make it work.
this is with birth children.
this is with birth children. can you imagine what its like for steps?
I can totally see this!! Not
I can totally see this!! Not in my relationship personally, but from seeing so many friends' relationships suffer after having kids. My relationship comes first, and my babies come second.
That may sound harsh, but being a SAHM gives me enough time with my kiddos to nurture, care, feed, teach and learn. But once FDH is home from work it's family time, FDH and I have time to talk while the kids play, we connect with the little ones at dinner (when FDH doesn't have to work OT) FDH has his time with the kids while I take my break from mom life (go for a drive, get a manie pedie, things I want to do, but can't during the day cause of the kids)
Then 8 o'clock Bed time for babies and FDH and I have uninterrupted time to ourselves.
I don't feel bad that the kids don't get enough time with us, cause they do. It's not like I have a 9-5 job, I'm with them 24/7. and it's not like we ignore them when FDH is home. We involve them in our things, but I am more focused on showing my kids what a good relationship looks like so that they can STRIVE for that, rather than settling with someone that they think they can live with.
And as for the sex, I can totally see it. I'm not a person who needs sex ALL the time, Honestly; If I stopped having sex today I would be content. Sure I enjoy it during the fact, but it takes a little bit for me to get going... But it was like that even BEFORE I had kids. (I mean I didn't have sex til I was 19, and only had 3 sexual partners before FDH... and that's counting My exH) But that's just me, and I've explained it to FDH, he understands, therefore; HE works harder to get me in the mood. Be it showing me affection when he gets home, to bringing me flowers and a card just because. He doesn't make me feel weird for how I am, he just works with me. And that is one of the reasons I love him. = )
(sorry for the detail, lol, but I just couldn't stop.)
Like I said, I can see how people can put the kids first, they are little attention suckers!! Especially Steps, only because they are not always home. BUT the way we (FDH and I) see it, we are going to be together for the rest of our lives, and the kids will only be in our house for 18 years (20 MAX). So we work on US and show our children how to treat the ones they love by example.
I read a quote on Pintrest the other day that hit home for me, and I have chosen to live by it (and a few others)
"I want the kid of Marriage that makes my kids want to get married"
And I'm happy to say (even though we're not married yet)I have that.
and we're not perfect, we have baggage, but it matches... and we make it work.