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no one else matters to dh except his children

SugarSpice's picture

the only people in the universe who mattter to dh are his children.

i come somewhere after his parents and siblings.

for instance my brother was in the backyard and tripped on an uneven paver stone and hurt his ankle.  dh reply was "the idiot needs to watch where hes stepping!"  well fat sd in her 20s trips on the same stone.  dh was there in an instance while sd bawled her eyes out like a four year old.  "there there sweetheart" dh said as he crouched down and rubbed her ankle. he assisted her into the house and propped her foot up and continued to coo and soothe.  the result?  the next day he called a contracter to fix all the paver stones in the yard so darling daughter would not lumber around and hurt herself.

i have a fine vintage jacket from my mother who is now dead.  i cherish it and take good care of it and hung it in the laundry space to dry after it was washed.  did dh take notice as he splashed bleach in the area?  as i was preparing to store the jacket in a drawer lovingly folding it, i noticed there was a bleach spot on it.  needless to sayi was infuriated.  when the sds lived with us after bm kicked each one in turn out of the house when they turned 18 they hung up their lingerie and bathing suits in the laundry space.  i am sure dh would have been oh so careful with his childrens precious things hanging up.

i am still angry.  i dont think i will let this one go.  this proves once again his priorities.

good thing i can stand back and watch them make messes of thier lives in all their bad decidisons and actions.  i get to laugh to myself.

karma never misses.


queensway's picture

SugarSpice I am so sorry about your Mums jacket. This would tick me off to no end. So inconsiderate.

All spoiled and entitled skids will never grow up and will crash and burn at some point in their life. Karma never misses, oh yea.

Saint_Gus's picture

I'm so sorry about your mother's jacket. Did your husband apologize to you at least? I mean accidents happen, and it sucks (esp. when its a result of carelessness), but please tell me he said he was sorry and felt awful about it? If not, that doesn't sound like a person I'd want to spend my life with. Of course I'm assuming that is just one example, kind of the straw that broke the camel's back scenario.

Jzell67's picture

My partner is the same. Double standards all round.

i do something and it's not allowed. Skids do it and it's ok... Ummm what?

I started a home business. Nothing but complaints, from said partner,  so I threw it in and got a 'real job'. Skids decided to start a home business. All is good. Umm what...

Get whinged and bitched at for hanging my laundry in a certain spot. I move it. Skids hang it in the same spot and it's all ok... Umm what...

Grrrrrrrrrrr........ So disrespectful.

Rags's picture

We realized very early that we were life partners and that each of us and our marriage was the priority for both of us.  SS was a beneficiary of the relationship but never took priority over our marraige.  He was our top marital responsibility but never the priority.

Now 7yrs of empty nester bliss later... we are having a great time.  We remain close with the Skid but ..... the only adjustment for us was going from all kid all the time to just us.  Because we made our lives about each other and our marriage rather than about one or more spawn we seem to have successfully raised an idependent capable man of standing in his community and profession while nurturing our marriage.

It may go down in flames at some point... but it is looking good so far.... nearly 24 years later.

Seamus853's picture

I am sorry you have to go through this. It's so tough. I can't understand why they even married us if we are treated like such a low priority. I get your last statement about standing back and watching them make bad decisions for their lives.  I just thank God they're not my biological kids (enough challenges there anyway LOL).

SteppedOut's picture

I felt the same (I left). In my case I don't think it was so much about making a life with me, as much as what he thought I could do for him and his kids. 

I couldn't always come after everyone else, and I couldn't watch it happen to my bs. No way I was going to let him grow up feeling that. 

BCMtnHiker's picture

In my SO's world, I come in 4th on the list, after her kids, dogs and father.

I've experienced the same issues with laundry as you.  We have a small space to hang drying clothes and I'm always getting b!tched at to get my stuff out of the way so there's room for SD24 (Queen Effing Bee) to do her work clothes. 

Queen Bee has CHOSEN to work night shift at the hospital, even when there are day shifts available.  So Queen Bee comes in from work at 7:30am, just when everyone else is getting ready for work and has to shower because she's "dirty from work."  Here's the crappy part - Queen Bee has to use the bathroom in the master bedroom because the shower in her bathroom is "too small".  Her shower is a freeking bathtub size shower!  Meanwhile, my SO pats her on the head and tells her to take her shower and I have to leave the bathroom until she's finished. WTH??

When SO cooks (which is less and less often), she often has to cook a second meal for SS18 (Precious Little Snowflake) who won't eat what most of the rest of us eat.  No mashed potatoes or anything soft, no tomatoes, no cheese of any type and on and on.  I totally get this - if he's 3.  He's 18 years old and going off to college in a few months.  He goes into the kitchen in the middle of the night and eats all kinds of crap and leaves his filthy dishes everywhere.  When I started getting on him about picking up after himself, I was told by SO to "let it be" and that "he's not used to doing dishes and doesn't know how, he might break something." I countered by telling her that he's smart enough to drive a car and play video games and that he's smart enough to learn to do dishes.  She reinforced that I should just let it go.

I could go on and on with these stories.  At this point, I've begun to disengage from the kids and check out of the relationship.  We aren't intimate much anymore (dogs are on the bed and all over her in the evening, she won't move them and she accuses me of not trying to initiate anything??) and I'm finding that I don't really care. I suspect that a year from now, chances are that I'll be gone.  I hope it works out better for you.

sandye21's picture

Just want to tell you that anyone reading what you just wrote would say this guy needs some time off from this sh!t.  I honestly wish I had some words of wisdom for you other than to read what you just wrote and ask if you want to continue this one-sided relationship.  All I can tell you is I understand where you are coming from.  Your SO needs to reprioritize her relationship with you but I don't know it she has enough respect for you to do it.  It's not you.