SugarSpice I am so sorry about your Mums jacket. This would tick me off to no end. So inconsiderate.

All spoiled and entitled skids will never grow up and will crash and burn at some point in their life. Karma never misses, oh yea.

I'm so sorry about your mother's jacket. Did your husband apologize to you at least? I mean accidents happen, and it sucks (esp. when its a result of carelessness), but please tell me he said he was sorry and felt awful about it? If not, that doesn't sound like a person I'd want to spend my life with. Of course I'm assuming that is just one example, kind of the straw that broke the camel's back scenario.

My partner is the same. Double standards all round.

i do something and it's not allowed. Skids do it and it's ok... Ummm what?

I started a home business. Nothing but complaints, from said partner,  so I threw it in and got a 'real job'. Skids decided to start a home business. All is good. Umm what...

Get whinged and bitched at for hanging my laundry in a certain spot. I move it. Skids hang it in the same spot and it's all ok... Umm what...

Grrrrrrrrrrr........ So disrespectful.

We realized very early that we were life partners and that each of us and our marriage was the priority for both of us.  SS was a beneficiary of the relationship but never took priority over our marraige.  He was our top marital responsibility but never the priority.

Now 7yrs of empty nester bliss later... we are having a great time.  We remain close with the Skid but ..... the only adjustment for us was going from all kid all the time to just us.  Because we made our lives about each other and our marriage rather than about one or more spawn we seem to have successfully raised an idependent capable man of standing in his community and profession while nurturing our marriage.

It may go down in flames at some point... but it is looking good so far.... nearly 24 years later.

I am sorry you have to go through this. It's so tough. I can't understand why they even married us if we are treated like such a low priority. I get your last statement about standing back and watching them make bad decisions for their lives.  I just thank God they're not my biological kids (enough challenges there anyway LOL).

I felt the same (I left). In my case I don't think it was so much about making a life with me, as much as what he thought I could do for him and his kids. 

I couldn't always come after everyone else, and I couldn't watch it happen to my bs. No way I was going to let him grow up feeling that. 

In my SO's world, I come in 4th on the list, after her kids, dogs and father.

I've experienced the same issues with laundry as you.  We have a small space to hang drying clothes and I'm always getting b!tched at to get my stuff out of the way so there's room for SD24 (Queen Effing Bee) to do her work clothes. 

Queen Bee has CHOSEN to work night shift at the hospital, even when there are day shifts available.  So Queen Bee comes in from work at 7:30am, just when everyone else is getting ready for work and has to shower because she's "dirty from work."  Here's the crappy part - Queen Bee has to use the bathroom in the master bedroom because the shower in her bathroom is "too small".  Her shower is a freeking bathtub size shower!  Meanwhile, my SO pats her on the head and tells her to take her shower and I have to leave the bathroom until she's finished. WTH??

When SO cooks (which is less and less often), she often has to cook a second meal for SS18 (Precious Little Snowflake) who won't eat what most of the rest of us eat.  No mashed potatoes or anything soft, no tomatoes, no cheese of any type and on and on.  I totally get this - if he's 3.  He's 18 years old and going off to college in a few months.  He goes into the kitchen in the middle of the night and eats all kinds of crap and leaves his filthy dishes everywhere.  When I started getting on him about picking up after himself, I was told by SO to "let it be" and that "he's not used to doing dishes and doesn't know how, he might break something." I countered by telling her that he's smart enough to drive a car and play video games and that he's smart enough to learn to do dishes.  She reinforced that I should just let it go.

I could go on and on with these stories.  At this point, I've begun to disengage from the kids and check out of the relationship.  We aren't intimate much anymore (dogs are on the bed and all over her in the evening, she won't move them and she accuses me of not trying to initiate anything??) and I'm finding that I don't really care. I suspect that a year from now, chances are that I'll be gone.  I hope it works out better for you.