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How do you know when to call it quits?

FallingfromGrace's picture

We have been through counseling (three times-two different counselors). He has broken so many promises. I still dont feel part of his family. He still takes BM's side on everything. It has been 4 1/2 yrs.

When do you decide that you have wasted enough of your life?

melis070179's picture

When you get to the point where you are certain that you would not have married him if you knew then what you know now. Straight from Dr Phil's mouth LOL And I think its true because when you've gotten to that point, then you're at a place in your life where you feel its not worth it, you would not do it again, and you want out.

Just because you CAN give birth, doesn't mean you SHOULD

sarahbernheart's picture

and I know cuz it took me over 5 yrs to finally leave my ex.
it is never an easy decision but for me it was the best thing I ever did for MYSELF!!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

KittyKat's picture

There are times with my current DH when I would love
to just BOLT, but I can't. There are way too many GOOD TMES and we ARE making progress regarding meddlesome adult SDs.

In agreement with SB, I knew it was over with my
XH because I had no interest in working things out.
I "disengage" from "issues" (whiny SDs.) with my current H, butI knew with my XH that things would never get better. We had grown too far apart.
with HIM.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

bewitched's picture

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

coming home. Which I now do. I know he's an emotionally abusive man-thanks to some of the posts on here I did some investigation.

Can I make it on my own? Not as things stand right now. So I'm going to concentrate on changing that. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, seeing me acheiving something will change his attitude; if not, I'll then be ok.

You've been with him for 4 1/2 yrs., so probably don't remember real clearly what it's like being on your own. I do-it's only been 6 months. How I long for those days. Peaceful evenings after work. No one expecting me to jump thru hoops, and then telling me I didn't jump high enough to suit them. No one showing me so clearly that, though I am his wife, I will never be treated with the respect and love that title implies. Those days when I could actually feel at home in my home.

Tara12's picture

The question is have you had enough? If you have tried counseling and your DH has not changed and he still sides with BM it sounds like you have a losing battle on your hands. I guess you have to ask yourself if you want to move on with your life and be happy or be where you are at the rest of your life and be miserable. I went to counseling with my FH and the only reason we are still together is because he listened and he followed through with all the things that he was supposed to. If he had not gone to counseling and not made these changes I was prepared to call it quits after 3 years and move on with my life I would rather be happy alone than miserable with someone else. Good luck!

Sasha's picture

When do you call it quits?

When you have panic attacks at the mere thought of him coming home from work.

When you would rather go to work than be at home with him.

When you look at him and wish he would just drop dead.

When you feel like if you don't get out of the marriage you will die.

That's when I knew.

Gmama's picture

As long the second time as I did in my first marriage. Life is two short, 13 years it took me to go, won't make the same mistake twice!!!!!

sarahbernheart's picture

I was married to my ex jackass 18yrs..
NOPE I wont make that same mistake twice either.

you know itz over when the thought of him touching you at all makes you physically sick.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

KittyKat's picture

Another thing, FFG, is that I have "flare ups" of
tension with my adult SDs, but I don't have to deal
with them on a daily basis. Thanx to this site and
many of the awesome people on it, I'm getting pretty
damned good at "disengaging" from the holiday hoo-ha,
etc. I can take the SDs for SMALL PERIODS at a time;
luckily, they DO go away.

If you are dealing with stress CONSTANTLY, DAILY,
WEEKLY, that's another issue entirely. You are
now associating your source of stress WITH your H,
and that is not a good thing. Eventually, YOU DO
become apathetic to the whole process and stop
trying. And, that's REALLY when you know...when
you know there is NO HOPE, NO CHANCE that you will
ever see a light at the end of the tunnel. The
stress (like a lab rat!) has you looking for a way
out of the "maze", because what you're doing NOW
isn't working. Self-survival, I suppose.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

bewitched's picture

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

If I get an interview and offered a job, my next stop will be the attorney's office. And then the locksmith. And then the police department. H and the leeches will be so out of here.