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feeling guilty

beckys5555's picture

I am step mom of two 7&10.I have been around since they were 3&4. Somehow along the way I picked up alot of the plans we do as a family together. From summer vacations to birthday parties and christmas. Idk when it started but it's been a while. Lately within the last 6 months or so their behavior has changed alot. They can be so rude ungrateful and disrespectful. They have spent alot of time in their room and things have changed alot. All these times of disrespect has made me step back. I find myself picking up extra shifts when they visit, or I make other plans to not be around. I almost feel bitter about it. I've done so much and always have been so loving and they have changed. Anyway I usually plan birthday gifts parties do all the invites ect. I honestly just wanna do just a few gifts with a simple dinner and that's it. I just don't feel they deserve it honestly. I usually am the one who calls all the family and makes the party arrangements but instead of two expensive big parties would I be the bad guy if we did a small get together w something simple? My dh knows I coordinate all the bills and what we spend and is in agreement but I still feel guilty just feeling like things have changed. I know they r getting older and that young cute stage is going away but it still makes me feel bad. I really don't even want to spend money on them anymore. I'm kind loving still and will always be a supporter but my feelings towards them have changed.

intrinsicmemory's picture

These are my exact feelings right now toward my 12yo SD...

She lies to my face, doesn't give two shits about what I do for her unless it involves copious amounts of money sprinkled all over her, and she still has the gall to demand my family recipes from me so she can go wow BM with her skills.

Ugh. I don't want to hate her, but I can't pour more of myself into a child who sees me as nothing more than a convenience... like Google.

hereiam's picture

would I be the bad guy if we did a small get together w something simple?

Nope, there is nothing wrong with a simple get together. Do not let guilt take over.

Sparklelady's picture

Only do what makes YOU happy. I mean it. Because if you don't, the misery grows and kills your soul. If you DO, however, you will find yourself more tolerant and way less resentful.

So, yes, go ahead and throw a very small party. In fact, just invite guests (family only, in my opinion) for cake. That's it. I've been there, it seems to be inevitable. Parties, then just family, then just cake, and finally nothing but a "happy birthday" during normal dinner. Now neither skid lives or even visits here.

beckys5555's picture

Yes your right. Guilt is the wrong word. I guess I just feel badly that we all use to have fun and their behavior has made me turn sour about how things use to be.

jssdallas's picture

They could also just be starting to get to that age where they would rather be with friends/in their room than hanging with parents. Some of that is normal for them to want to pull away. I think if you are the one who makes the plans you make the plans for your DH and do it however you want to do it! And enjoy that they are pulling back and maybe entertaining themselves more now that they are older.
I really think it isn't until these kids become a parent or a step-parent that they will ever fully understand how it is to be a step-mom. sucks.