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Favorite HCBM phrases

strugglingSM's picture

We had another dramatic exchange with our HCBM and it got me thinking about the favorite phrases from HCBMs. 

Some of my favorites: 

"The children only feel comfortable telling me what they really feel. They don't feel comfortable talking to you."

"Since you never respond to my emails, I have no choice, but to communicate with you through the children." (This is not in response to any emails that were sent, DH never gets useful emails from BM. This is also from a BM who sent DH a letter from her lawyer demanding he stop communicating with her through the children.)

"If you don't want Skid to do that, then you can just call him and tell him yourself."

"You're just trying to punish / ruin me."

"You're only saying that because you hate me!"

"I can't believe you don't care about your children!" 

"You need to tell me what's going on, so I can reassure the children!" This is in response to anything in DH's personal life that has nothing to do with BM. DH can call himself to "reassure" the children, who always tell DH that they do not need reassuring. 

CLove's picture

- that my head injury is woth about 1 million, but Im going for 2

- That I can get more money for my child support

Evil3's picture

"You and Evil3 aren't compatible because one of you is a water sign and then other is a land sign."

When my DD20 was born, she was 7 lbs. My SKs were over 10 lbs. BM told SD, "DD20 was less than 8 pounds, so that means she's very unhealthy and it's all Evil's fault. Evil put her baby at risk by deliberately making her baby less than 8 lbs."

"It's Dad's fault that we divorced. I left him because he was so mean and such a jerk." The truth is that BM cheated, so DH divorced her ass.

strugglingSM's picture

I forgot about that one. 

"Your father caused the divorce!" This is from a BM who demanded a divorce because she met someone else. 


Rags's picture

Hopefully DH gave the Skids the facts that BM is an adulterous whore rather than tolerating BM's manipulation of blaming DH for the divorce.


Facts, facts, facts, facts facts.  They shut toxic up in a hurry.

advice.only2's picture

The one time Meth Mouth failed to take a drug test, the courts then ordered her to go get a blood test done...while she was getting the blood work done the the texts proceeded as such:
"I hope you are happy!"
"They are jamming a needle into my arm right now!"
"I'm being violated because you think I do drugs!"
"I'm going to keep blowing up your phone because you caused this!"
"I hope you know what an a$$hole your daughter thinks you are for doing this to me!"
"I'm sending you the bill for this!"
It went on for a few more hours before DH finally told her to stop or he was calling the cops for harassment.

strugglingSM's picture

The HCBM in my life would also text for hours...usually to say some variant of "you just hate me!" Her record was 3 hours of straight texting. At least the final hour was her continuing to text without any response from DH. 

strugglingSM's picture

I forgot to add - "You are the most selfish person I ever met!" "You only care about yourself." "You put your needs above those of the kids all the time!" These are all in response to DH wanting to keep his visitation schedule with SSs. 

CLove's picture

This was after we spent the weekend celebrating Munchkins 13th bday and we were asking to not talk about a charge on our cell phone account. Like "lets wait until monday to talk about this", and she got p!ssed about being put off, so suddenly hes the jerk.

or another of my all -time faves:

"Do you think Clove would mind if I dated one her old boyfriends?"

CLove's picture

She did this twice. And NEITHER of them were exboyfriends or ex anythings...she wanted to cause trouble and think we cared...or DH cared, or whatever...

Thumper's picture

To dh--

1. Why don't you just play some Picasso in the back yard with the kids?

2. What time does skid  have recess? (kid was in high school) This is no joke lol

3.Why cant you be nice to me...? This, after bm just called my dh her favorite nick name #1 which is ,  'Mother F*****"

4. I lost all this weight from giving UP bagles and Diet Coke----whoopps bm, not so fast toots,  hair folic showed otherwise.

5. DH you have to bring the kids back all the way  because I am "cooking and cleaning".---**see number 4. You were bm but not food.

6. YOU MUST make him talk to me.. **bm trying to get the Judge to order my DH to communicate with her. Thankfully the Judge perhaps didnt want to talk to bm either.**

typical evening, until we had enough:

6. Ring Ring--Hi children, its mom,  it is my call time, call me back. 2minutes later, Ring Ring HI is't MOM and it's my call time, call me back HOPE you are okkkkkkkkkkkk there uhhhh.. ..Ring Ring 1mintute later, ITS MOM, its my call time, call me back. 1 minute later Ring ring. LISTEN BUDDY you better have the kids call me Buddy nickname#2.  

1minute later, Ring Ring, Hi it's grandma WE miss you LOVE you call us back.....Ring ring 1 minutes after Granny calls,,, HI its ME another relative, calling to see how you are,  call us back.  2 or 3 minutes later..RING RING- HEY we are looking for blah blahs it Mr. and Mrs Jones their neighbors from home, we would like to talk to them call us back.

Ring ring--Hello, are skids there this is Rev and Mrs. Rev Jones, can you have the chillll-dren call us back? Their church family misses them.---5 mins after that,  Ring Ring--Hello, this is BM's friend, uh, can you have the kids call me, I want to make sure 'they are OKEY there".

we would get up to 12 calls a day. Hell from people we had no clue who there were TRYING TO SEE if the children were OKEY. Where were all of you when the kids really needed heros,  ass holes.

gosh that felt good to say that.






strugglingSM's picture

I thought of two more: 

"Why can't we be friends?!!" Sent tearfully after sending countless angry, raving, abusive messages. 

"Our relationship with great until StrugglingSM came along!" My favorite was tht MIL agreed with BM on this one even though she had no idea what DH's relationship was like with BM before I came along. 

HowLongIsForever's picture

This reminds me of BM here.  She hasn't begged to be friends yet in those exact words but she does say stupid ish like

"You don't even treat me like a human being."      In response to SO telling her that her medical decisions (not life threatening, elective) were decisions he wasn't going to help her with.


"It's like you've moved on.  I don't understand!"    Her idea of "confronting" SO about MY canine purchase, the boys were excited that I brought home a puppy.  Over 6 years after the divorce, 3 years after we had been living together, over 1 year after we bought our new house.

MIL repeated, but not verbatim, that BM grilled her as to whether or not skids were safe and we treated them well.  This happened during our house hunt so again well after their divorce, well after we entered a relationship and well after we combined homes.  Never mind that he's a great parent and he is the normal to your nuts.  

I'd say she lets the dumbest things fly out of her face but really lets implies she has any sort of control.  I'm not sure she does.  

Thisisnotus's picture

To skids

"your father just left his family and started a new one."

"your father left us with no money" (this is my favorite because BM makes more than DH and he gives her 1K in CS). 

"your dad has changed"


strugglingSM's picture

We get these too...but it's more "I have to pay for everything and your dad pays nothing!" DH gives more than he would be required to based on his income and BM didn't even report all of her income at the last mediation (she said she "didn't have" information on her partnership income). 

She has also told one SS "your relationship with your father is bad." 

And now that DH and I are having a child together, she has told both SSs "your dad is just trying to replace you!"

MissK03's picture

The classic with tears.... "we were suppose to be friendsssss forrrreeevveerrrr!!!"" 

She left not once but twice. Cheated, spent all their money, manipulated, tried controlling what I was doing and get SO to "pick" her over me. Luckily she only comes in waves now with trying to bait SO in conversation with her.

This isn't really much of a saying but, more of action. Skids haven't gone to her house now in two half years now. Just on Xmas eve. She always played the whole "I don't have any money card" what's funny is she rides by our house on her 25k motorcycle decked out in Harley gear, hair done, nails done ALL THE TIME but she never had money. My SO did not go after her for child support.(he probably wouldn't have gotten much from her anyways) 

Morally how do you drive by the house your kids live in but you see them maybe 3/4 times a year. Their birthdays, Christmas, and drive way hi and byes if she's picking up one on their birthday. This is the stuff that blows my mind. They haven't even been to here house for a dinner!!  

Dogmom1321's picture

BM to DH: "You never try to make things easy for meeeeee"

"I will be your best friend foreverrrrr"

"I know you don't care about me anymoreeee and you think _____ is perfect in everyyyyyy way"

"Go have your own kid and leave mine alone"

"I have given you the greatest gift in your liiiiife" (referring to SD)

Thumper's picture

OH MY LORD..."go have your own kid and leave mine alone".....

Thats might just win a ST award. lol

Dogmom1321's picture

lol can't make these things up! BM usually comments RIDICULOUS things in hope DH answers. We currently don't have an "ours" baby yet, but BM is obsessed with finding out if we are. 

When SD was 8, she asked me "do you take pills so you don't have a baby with my dad?" WTF, this was obviously from BM. 

Livingoutloud's picture

"Daddy left us for a new family and he doesn't care about us anymore, he only cares about his new family" in reality they got divorced after 30 years of marriage and SDs were adults living on their own in a different state. And it happened few years before he even met me 

"admit you still love me and want me back". She called after we ran into her in a vacation beach town, she was with her crazy mother and DH was with me. We were dating then. That's how she knew he moved on and he clearly upgraded. DH hung up and blocked her 



shamds's picture

Ranting on justifications why she was so hcgubm blaming hubby for it. Her exact words were “you destroyed mum by divorcing her” as in she was so heartbroken hubby divorced her when she was a narcissistic pos and had been cheating on hubby before the separation and actually married this guy she had cheated on while kids were at school barely a week after divorce papers were recieved.

she claims to be religious and its part of her religion to not even be actively dating and discussing marriage plans when you are yet to be divorced. Worst thing is the skids didn’t even know bio mum was dating.

to anybody with common sense its bloody obvious she didn’t give a shit about her exhusband and could she wait to be rid of him... but sd’s believed this bs that hubby destroyed her life aka justified her being such a crazy bitch. All hubby said to his sd was don’t selfishly think about yourself, you have no idea the torture i beared all these years and she did her usual reply “very well dad”

Swim_Mom's picture

BM sends DH's these ominous text messages with things like:

"You Know What You've Done" (yes he's faithfully fulfilled every letter of his financial obligations and done exactly what he promised)

"This Is Why Your Children Feel As They Do" (yep, that's why the 3 adult SD's call him a lot more than they call her..they hate him LOL)

"And All of the Things I Still Do For Them" (in reference to paying AAA roadside assistance on her account for adults, who are fully grown and very capable and independent...BM loves to be a martyr).

I love when DH shows me her text messages they are hilarious!!  



Thumper's picture

Flash back from jcksjj post...

Yes, we heard that one too, bm said it to dh and he told me.


------------Here are a few more from bm-------------------

"You know that cs amount isn't enough you mother F*****".............'really'?, You want my dh to pay your mortgage on that 2nd house you bought AND your husbands house mortgage too?

"If I want you to disappear, your gonna disappear"------I will never ever forgot she said that. well she got that one right. Complete and total "PAS" I will let it sit right there.



CLove's picture

Like your father did!

Dhs father died of a brain anyurism very suddenly, when he was 21.

This was texted him when he was filing for divorce, and she wanted him to wait.

strugglingSM's picture

When BM wanted to go back on something they agreed to in mediation and DH refused to give in to her, she said to him, "what would your father think about all of this?" This was a low blow because DH's father died in a car accident before he even met BM and she only said it because she knows how much DH revered his dad and how much he misses him (she might not know it, but DH likely only married her, because he was still grieving and his head wasn't on straight). The irony is that DH's father probably would have supported him in fighting to uphold the legal agreement he and BM had willingly entered into. 

CLove's picture

Thats so tough. Dh was especially close to his father, who is the father of 13...VERY beloved by the entire family. They would fish together and do all kinds of activities together. So when Toxic Troll brought this up, it was intended to hurt.

We both kinda laughed. All that toxic spewing was because he was LEAVING HER A$$ and it was right before their marriage was to hit the 10 year mark, which I had discovered and related to DH that after 10 years its spousal support for life so hed better get on the stick!

Toxic Troll will push whatever buttons she thinks will work. Shes very crude and rude, we end up laughing...

Livingoutloud's picture

It's not always spousal support for life. My DH was ordered to pay for 8 years and they've been married almost 30 years. And BM almost never worked and didn't work during divorce either. She demanded to be paid until SS age but judge said no. Most people pay for up to 10 years. The only ones I heard pay until SS age are the ones whose spouses are severely disabled but it's uncommon 

CLove's picture

There are many circumstances and variables that change the duration - but from the information that I found that was the base-line, and it changes due to all the different variables as well as negotiations. Her main thing was that she wanted to receive SS bennies based on his income, because due to working in the school system she was recieving retirement income but not paying into SS.

Ive met folks that were in fact ordered to pay for life, with "expectatoins that the reciever would eventually become self-sufficient". It might not be common. But it was listed there one sites that I researched.

Iamwoman's picture

All of the above, plus:

"You NEVER take skids side / stand up for skids!!" (Skids are bullies, usually at fault, hard to take their side when they are wrong and need discipline rather than coddling).

"OSS15 is soooo much like you / wants to be juuust like you" (to DH). OSS15 likes cars. Other than that, he is NOTHING at all like DH.

"You keep accusing me of alienation, but I just want the boys to have a good relationship with you" (to DH, despite her being one of the WORST alienators in human history).

"I know YSS11 doesn't speak Spanish as his native language, but I took Spanish in highschool, so he needs to be in the ESOL program" (Maggot is white:English speaking)... then, 4 years later... "I have no idea why YSS11 is in ESOL... what a mystery."

"I need your permission to move to (Orlando/Tallahassee/NewYork/Chicago/Daytona/insert next city here)."

"Skids have (adhd / autism / aspergers / delayed development / heart conditions / learning disabilities  / insert trendy new physical or mental disorder of the year here)." ...Skids have NO physical or mental disorders...

"I've broken up with / gotten back together with / called the police on / gotten engaged to (4 years ago with no marriage yet) live-in-bf." The order of these events is random and repetitive.

"I'm on the (insert latest fad) diet, and so is YSS."

"Tell your (whore / slut / other person in the house) to stop (insert fabricated story about me here)."

"I'm dying of cancer / respiratory issues / PCOS / merca / minor surgery / (insert random death prediction here), so I need to talk with you about who will care for skids when I'm gone."

"I am switching skids to a newer, better school this year" (aka a school that has not caught onto her Munchaussen by Proxy yet). This statement is said every summer.

"Skids are failing school again and I need you to make them do all of their homework on your EOW with them."

"Skids said DD17 did (insert fabricated story here) to them."

"I don't have enough money to drive to the drop off area" (cost $3 in gas).

"Skids are very hurt that you don't spend time with them" (after DH waits every weekend for skids to come spend time with him all weekend and instead they lay in bed on their phones playing the new games Maggot buys for them right before visitation time).

"Skids don't want to visit" (after Maggot buys them gifts for agreeing to say they don't want to visit).


I'm only going to stop writing these because I'm tired now... lol

MissK03's picture

That is all insane. Your hospital one rang a bell for me.

BM was in the hospital with a kidney infection, repeat, kidney infection. Sends SO a text and one of the lines in there were "you should take the kids to come see their mother and someone is suppose to be teaching them to be kind thoughtful souls" 

This was 5 months after court ended in May 2018 and she stopped taking. 

He responded with if I was in hospital missk would take the kids to see me NOT you. Your fiancé should be the one taking them. She didn't like that response and SO called her. This was the day SO let her have it. I don't know how I forgot about that line. 

Rags's picture


If I were your DH I would have so much fun with these.  Starting with the celebration of her immenent demise. "Don't worry. They are my kids. I will take great care of them. Once we are all blessedly free of  your miserable presence on this planet the kids will thrive. Hurry up and die already so my incredible wife can show them what a real mother is like."

Have some fun with this crap.  She is making it too easy.

Iamwoman's picture

Lol!!! DH did basically tell her that skids would be more than fine under our care.

He didn't insult her though, as much satisfaction as that would have brought...

She is just too high conflict, so we tend to keep the drama to a minimum.

Rags's picture

"Oh, don't bring that up again!"  SpermGrandHag regularly would spout this when she was shrieking like a banshee at my DW while she yawned and repeating "Are you done?" SGH would then rant about how DW went to college out of state and took her son with her.  "You took him away from me! You took him away from his father!"

DW would then remind the Hag about how her dipshitiot POS son had cheated on DW repeatedly while she was pregnant and while she was raising SS as a single teen mom finishing HS.   This is where "Oh, don't you bring that up again!"

SGH never liked having her nose rubbed in the crap stains she caused in her own life, the crap stain that her POS son is.  She would go apeshit crazy the more successful DW became (Dual major undergrad with honors, graduate school with honors, completing her CPA and having a very successful career while the SpermClan went down in collective flames.

The more they lied and manipulated, the more we gave SS the facts and reviewed the official documentation with him. 

They particularly hated that.  When a kid would say to them "That is not true.  I saw the records."  Eventually they quit the lies and manipulations because they could no longer get away with it without SS calling them on it.  They did try to guilt money out of him once he aged out from under the CO at 18yo.  He never fell for that.



Dogmom1321's picture

BM to DH (last year before COVID): "I can't believe your wife is making _____ a back to school board. Why can't she just stay in her lane and tell _______ that is something you should probably do with your mom. It's not fair that the first day of school falls on your week. I wish you would just let me have her then. Things would be soooo much easier if your wife would stop trying to be her mom." you know, the little chalkboard signs people make each year and post on IG. 


WHAT I FELT LIKE SAYING TO BM: Soooooo you are telling me you would rather have your child miss out on having 2 of something because you are insecure and think only YOU are allowed to do fun things/celebrations? **Just because a step mom wants to do fun things every now and then, doesn't mean I'm "trying to be mom." Get a life.  

strugglingSM's picture

Also, why are mothers supposed to get first dibs on parenting events? Why can't your DH be excited to celebrate the first day of school with his child? 

And I feel you on the why can't the kids have two things instead of everything having to be only with BM or with BM first. 

Pregnantwithquestions's picture

My favorite is always, "well speaking as a parent..."


Urhm lady, the whole reason we are in this mess is because you're BOTH parents.

Rags's picture

Many STalkers struggle with ithis as is the case with the BM in your blended family adventure.... Try this.   "Oh, you mean you are speaking as a failed parent right?"

CoffeeandQuiet's picture

"You treat me like I'm some kind of deadbeat mother!"  (Lol)

"Ever since your wife became your wife, you've changed!! She's a evil BITCH!!!!!!

(after she lost custody in court): "I didn't LOSE custody! I AGREED to let you have her full time!"

"I am building a case against you! That you are trying to erase me from SDs life and (she slipped here..) DISTANCE MY RELATION WITH YOU by saying I can only talk to you through email! And I can't call your cellphone! Or talk to SD if she's not home! ((Her relation with DH? Funny and disgusting at the same time))


Dogmom1321's picture

BM claimed for years that DH "refused to coparent with her" everytime she wanted to have an hour phone convo about something TOTALLY unrelated to the child. That is how she labeled her failed attention grabbing technique.