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When do teen boys stop acting like babies?

strugglingSM's picture

I have two 16 year old stepsons. They are both immature, but one of them really acts like a baby. He is constantly whining about everything. He even whines to his (few) friends. He also cries and acts like he's being picked on all the time. For example, he was once yelling at DH to "shut up", calling DH "clueless" and calling him a liar. I calmly, but firmly, said to him, "you need to be more respectful of your father." He then cried (full on tears) to DH that I'm "so critical" of him. He also regularly does things to bother people (specifically me). For example, he would come to our home and turn all the lights on upstairs (even the lights in the closets). I would then turn them all off and not five minutes later and they would all be on again. Recently, I let both SSs have it because they constantly leave the toilet seat up and bathroom door open and I have a curious toddler who loves water. I've asked them multiple times to put the seat down and told them why (to keep their sister safe). This weekend, SSs arrive. I go upstairs not even 10 minutes later to give my DD a bath and the toilet seat is up. I didn't hear the toilet flush, so I'm convinced he just went in and put the seat up to bother me. Also this weekend, SS was fighting with his brother and fell. Not hard and he wasn't injured, but he cried and rolled around on the floor. DH looked at him and said, "are you being serious right now?" and walked away from him. This SS has always been a bit odd and used to get in trouble at school for bothering other kids, but man, it's hard to put up with a teen acting like such a baby. Is this because he is a CoD? Because BM is a coddling mother? Is this normal teen behavior? I can't stand the kid...and I hate having him around because he's so annoying.

Rags's picture

There is a reason why "Knock it off or I will give you something to cry about." is a proven staple of parenting that goes back centuries.

USE IT!   Not just the words.

smh

Diablo

halo1998's picture

DH would have and did....march GWR right back into the bathroom and made him lift the seat and put it back down 20 times to "make sure" he understood the concept.  The crying he would told him the same thing Rags said....knock if off or I will give you something to really cry about.

The toliet seat thing..if it happened twice....GWR would have to clean the bathroom with his toothbrush..(Yep GWR tried it..and yes he cleaned the bathroom including the toliet with is toothbrush)

GWR would whine over every little cut, bruise, bump, mosquito bite like some was cutting off a limb. We all just learned to ignore it..the other kids would tell him to shut up and quite being a baby.

However, Beaver was all over the kids the minute a single tear fell...so we weren't surprised when he noped out of here and went to Beaver's.  We were too mean....oh boo effin hoo

strugglingSM's picture

I wish DH would take a harder stance with both of them. I think he's given up...but that puts it all on me and leads to me screaming at them.

AgedOut's picture

Call them out when they do it. If the lights somehow turn back on after you've shut them off go room to room and call them out,. If he's acting like a toddler, say so. Trust me they know better, they just don't care.

strugglingSM's picture

I've called them out, but they just ignore me. DH claims he called them out, but he didn't this time...just nicely suggested they put the seat down. I was so angry and told him so. He agrees that they don't like me and are likely doing this on purpose. He says that bothers him, but doesn't want to be the "bad guy" and figures he can't do anything about it since BM is likely encouraging them. They believe that they broke up BM's marriage to stepdad, so I think DH needs to be more direct with them. He told me he told them that if they were just going to cause trouble, they could stop coming and they responded by accusing him of not caring about them. Fun times. 

strugglingSM's picture

I don't. I've been disengaged for a few years...ever since BM started PA'ing them and they spent every visit calling DH a liar and demanding that he spend more money on them. 

dragonfly878's picture

My SS14 is going on 4... I'm also curious to hear what others have to say. My DH is similar to yours- blames BM yet doesn't want to really go hard on SS so as not to hurt his feelings. It's awful.

strugglingSM's picture

I know DH is in a difficult spot...he could make a stink (and has let them have it on occasion)...but it won't change their behavior and will only create more fodder for being told what a terrible father he is, but man, I can't wait until they stop showing up. 

I'm more interested in getting some input on whether this is in the realm of "normal" behavior and skid will outgrow it or he's totally odd (which is suspected) and he will be like this forever. My other skid is also annoying and feels the need to "defend" BM and speak on her behalf, but amazingly, he has matured somewhat and doesn't scream and cry at every visit.

dragonfly878's picture

Got it. I think my SS14 is just going to be like this forever... odd that is... DH claims SS was a total pill from the beginning, learning to ride a bike, tie his shoes, everything this kid does is a dramatic issue... 

strugglingSM's picture

Yeah, I think this SS had issues even before his parents divorced. When I met him he was 9 almost 10 and he cried over everything. He also regularly got in trouble at school for bothering other kids. He was evaluated for being on the spectrum, but it was determined that he wasn't (and I don't think he is). He drives his brother crazy because he is constantly bothering him and has very few friends at school. He has one close friend and he's constantly accusing that friend of trying to undermine him (I once heard an extended conversation where he was whining at his friend to not be friends with someone else because he, SS, didn't like the other person or perceived the other person as not liking him), so I'm honestly surprised they are still friends, but they don't go to the same school, so maybe that helps..

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your SSs are the product of diluted parenting from divorced parents. The weird one likely found a ploy that worked to gain attention/avoid accountability, and it's become habit. What a turd.

Instead of being cast as the bad cop, you might try putting the onus of the SSs' misbehavior on your H. After all, he's responsible for his older kids, so make HIM put the toilet seat down, each and every time. Inconvenience him enough, and he might step up as a parent.

Someoneelse's picture

they say boys mature slower than girls, but when you throw in the fact that it SEEMS that step kids mature at an even much SLOWER rate I am not sure what I can tell you. But my stepdaughter who is 17 still cries over EVERYTHING. BM and DH brush it off as her being sensitive... this girl does not have a sensitive fiber in her body... she could care less about ANYONE other than herself. She will throw ANYONE under the bus and blame them for being mad at her throwing them under the bus,

EveryoneLies's picture

I know we aren't but i bet they are long lost brothers!

My ss cries about everything too, and that things are not "fair" to him (not fair there are consequence if he did anything wrong). I can't explain why but I lose patience once i see the tears in his eyes.

Not to mention, a paper cut will results in a crazy reaction from SS like he's finger is severed. My SS is diagnosed on the spectrum though. 

Someoneelse's picture

My sd has to be related! A scraped knee results in blood curdling screams, falling from a height of 1 inch onto a largely padded butt results in the same blood curdling scream.