DH has bluffed for the last time... Deal!
Over the last almost-year, he has threatened divorce more times than I can remember. I told him yesterday, "Since YOU are so miserable and I make your life so stressful (the last thing I want to do), I will remove myself from this equation. I want to be happy and I want YOU to be happy. I'm moving out."
Enough is a damn 'nough! If you are going to keep talking about it, you should damn well be prepared to make good on it. I don't have a plan, but I do have awesome family and friends so I know that I will at least not be homeless. And, frankly, I'd rather sleep in my car with my dog and have peace than live in this house and get shat upon, and quite regularly, at that...
Of course his entire posture changed a bit when I said that. Now he's doing the next phase of what has become what I refer to as "The Cycle."
I talk with him about an issue that concerns me about him/us. ----> He puts up defensive walls, plays tit-for-tat and tells me all the things that are wrong with me, too. (Big surprise! And here I was thinking I was perfect!) ----> I attempt to explain to him that I'm not trying to persecute him, and suggest that he not wait until I have a grievance to air his issues, as it makes it hard to focus and hear each other. ----> He tells me that he is sick of feeling like he can't do ANYTHING right. ----> I remind him NOBODY is perfect. WTF? Why does it have to be such an issue to discuss where we can improve, if you truly love and trust each other? ----> He says, "I can't live like this! What do you need from me? What's the next step?" Here, he implies separation or divorce. On a few occasions he has told me he would "see to it" that we get divorced. ----> I cry. He storms off. ----> Approximately 24 hours goes by and then he comes and tells me he just wants things to be different, followed by, "I love you. Can I have a hug?"
WHAT?! This is emotional abuse. I see that so clearly now, and I'm all out of tears. I told him that this is the circular bullshit that keeps recurring and I'm over it. I am planning to move out. I told him if he chooses to take responsibility for his words and actions, great! That lets me know there is hope for our marriage to be saved. If he doesn't change, he can watch and wonder as my ass sashays out the door.