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BM named me in court

Cookieboom's picture

The transcripts from court have come back, and BM has now named me and where I work (I haven't been named until now). 

She also had to name her BF…She said they are “done” and blamed DS for breaking them up and is upset that married man did not want to work on the relationship and become a family with her and DS.

She said she is afraid of me because she has “inside scoop” about me and has loads of “evidence” on me, but cannot bring it forward to the court because I will “go after her.”

Lawyer asked if she meant the “evidence” that I am taking drugs from patients and have no proof.  She yelled, “I have proof!!!!”  She was then court ordered to bring the proof in 10 day (Never did).

She also said that she has discussed her fear of me with DS in the court-ordered therapy and how they are both in fear of me.  Therapist has stopped therapy with BF as he said he doesn’t have the moral compass to continue therapy with an abuser who chooses transients in his life over his DS.  Transient? I am a nurse, you work at the Gap.  She also said in court that BF’s best friend has been throwing him under the bus telling her everything about our every move (He works in the same mall as her).  BF is angry and wants him subpoenaed. 

I told BF that I feel bad that he may never see DS because of me, and I may never have a relationship again with DS ever again.  BF was positive and said DS will need to understand what I am his GF and nothing is going to change. 

There was another court hearing after this hearing.  We are waiting for that transcript.  Feeling sad….

Cookieboom's picture

Also his Lawyer said, "You just don't like her!" She answered she doesn't know if she likes me and blamed BF for not introducing us (BF did not as he was afraid because she broke up his relationship with the woman before me) and said she does not like my choices in life.  When BF lawyer asked her to elaborate, her lawyer stopped the questioning (He must of thought she was putting her foot in her mouth, but I don't know).....

The_Upgrade's picture

She wants her ex boyfriend to introduce her to his new allegedly druggie stealing new partner so she can judge whether or not she likes you...

I thought she was "terrified beyond belief" at the thought of meeting you Wink

tog redux's picture

I hope your BF is worth all of this. I'd have left DH in the dust if BM did this to me. 

bananaseedo's picture

Tog, can I ask you what compels you so much to make this kind of comment?  It's something you have done for ages now- it's a put down of others.   It's either a veiled "I'm better then you or my husband is better then yours".  I don't get it.  I've seen some variation of "I'd never put up with that or I would never put up with that from my husband or my husband and I's relationship is nothing like that or my husband would never do that".  There is a way to tell them not to accept bad behavior w/out it coming across as you are better then them.  

I know sometimes there are extreme cases but the fact that you use it so often has me curious as to your intent with this type of comment, it's insulting honestly.  As a therapist yourself you have to know this is a passive agressive tactic and is meant to demean the other person, their spouse or the relaitonship.  You have used this tactic dozens upon dozens of times.  From an outside I'll say this, it is likely to hurt the person.  Consider that and maybe question your motivation a bit?  Self growth is good for us all.  

tog redux's picture

Sorry, I disagree. And from someone who hurls personal attacks (such as that I'm passive aggessive and demeaning and "should know better") and consistently tells people they are ridiculous if she doesn't like their comment, it's even more, um, ridiculous.

If you don't like my comments, don't read them.  I'm commenting on what I would do or could not do in a situation. 

And "I's" is not a word. 

Good day. 

bananaseedo's picture

I's was a typo-didn't think.  I stand by the rest.  You dish them out just as much.  It's this particular tactic to responding to people that I question.  Sure I could scroll by, but it's ok for you to dish out underhanded comments meant to hurt at any time then you should be able to take it when someone calls you out on it.   

Calling a comment ridiculous is not hurling an insult btw.  Even in marriages we are told not to use "I'd never do abc" so yes, as a therapist I think you would know this.  Why is it ok to offend others and then feel offended for being called out on it.  If it were something that happens on rare occasion I could ignore it, but it's a lot, you use this method a lot.  It's offensive.  You can disregard my opnion of course.  

queensway's picture

Did not know that. thanks

queensway's picture

I guess I came back to this again because my curiosity has gotten the best of me today about TOG being a real therapist. I do realize I may never find out because it is " ladies stick together cult on here ".  SICK   But I know that there is a site member who has a picture of a baby with a tongue sticking out that told me I was being RUDE when I mentioned something like this to TOG before. About how she has this tactic. Today I find out she could very well be a real therapist.   Anyway I find it interesting.

tog redux's picture

That's good. Mine did too - but I couldn't have taken the stress of being targeted by BM this way. 

bananaseedo's picture

Good to hear.  That's a lot to deal with.  Maybe the lawyer can draft something for her to stop mentioning you at all since she never has proof.

IDontCare3117's picture

All of this was said in court or was this in her deposition?  These are different things, though both would have a transcript.

justmakingthebest's picture

The court ordered therapist has stopped therapy with your BF?

What is his evidence of him being an "abuser"? What is his measurement of "Moral Compass"? 

This would have me up my lawyer's ass. Obviously only one side is being heard and BM is coming with no evidence in order to alienate your SS. 

I have been named by BM in almost every hearing, but never a direct accusation. I am not sure that any man would be worth my career. I might back off for a while and let the dust settle down before I would continue. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

None of this is "because of you." If he doesn't get to see his son, it will be in no way your fault. 

skell76's picture

she will ALWAYS find a reason, this is not a you problem this is a her problem. While I haven't been in such a severe and outlandish I as well have been named in court, had an emergency hearing to keep me from having anything to do with SD etc. I feel your frustrations and heartache thinking maybe it wouldn't be a problem if you were not around but I think you know....she will always find something. 

Hang in there. 

queensway's picture

Sorry you are going through this. Some BM's are just so hard to deal with. Look's like your BF has your back. Good luck.

Ispofacto's picture

I'm sorry this is happening.  This is exactly how Satan would have been if she'd had the funds for a lawyer back in the day, and if the courts here would entertain this kind of crap.  We live in a mini utopia for fathers here, where the judges don't look kindly on HCBM histrionics, PAS, or custody interference.  Satan did everything she could to influence DH, Killjoy, and a Therapist to undermine our household, but the courts were never on her side.

I did have an incident here years ago where a patriarchal misogynistic judge considered me a whore because I was in a physical relationship with a man I wasn't married to at the time.  I wonder if that is part of the problem in your case.

Some counties are just really pro BM though.  It's disgusting but true.

Killjoy was only 5 when I came into the picture, and it sounds like your SS is 13, so at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel.



Cookieboom's picture

Thank you so much for all of your kind replies.  It really means a lot.  I would like to address some issues:  This was her deposition, there was also a second deposition which we have not received the transcript yet.  

BF treats me like a queen, treats my kids like his own, would drop everything to help me and he is my best friend.  We have discussed several times breaking up so he could see DS, he has always disagreed with doing that.  BF definitely has my back. He has done nothing wrong.  I have done nothing wrong.  That’s is her end goal, to break us up…She did it with the woman before me, when she dumped BF she told him she couldn't deal with BM and wanted nothing to ever do with her…

The therapist would not say why he stopped therapy, and has NO evidence.   HIs lawyer is working on it, the therapist thing was brought up in the second deposition and BM said it was DS's choice to stop BF from attending the therapy.  His lawyer is working on it…

I like the idea of a cease and desist letter.  I saw one on this forum in the past and can’t find it.  Does anyone have a sample?  I am just trying to take it day by day, trying to stay out of the drama (although she drags me in it) and live my life…. Going on this website really helps.


queensway's picture

I agree just live your life the best you can. Some BM's are just crazy. It think it is a control thing with most of them that takes a bad turn into just being nuts all the time. Best to support your BF and ignore BM. Oh and therapist are a dime a dozen. This site has so many blogs about bad therapist. Wishing you good luck.

MaryBethC's picture

Bless you and your BF. Everytime I read your post I get flash backs of the stuff BM would do to me until she found a captain save a h@%. She's still crazy but focus most of her attention on her H and his family now. Hopefully your HCBM finds a new guy to entertain her and give you guys a break.

I Need A Bubble Bath's picture

BM named me in court and tried to make me out to be a horribel SM, make me enforce an unforceable PP (its a mess), and remove all authority when SS was at my home. I showed up with my own lawyer who informed the judge that unless I was to be given full parental rights my name had to be removed. By full parental rights he meant - a third entety in the parenting plan including visitation and her having to pay me child support. The judge immediately dismissed her claim and me and my attorny have neverheard my name mentioned since (in court at least).

Cookieboom's picture

I love that advice!!! What's a pp?  
anyway, BM had no evidence about my patients, but has somehow had access to BF's iCloud.  She showed up at court with stacks of text messages from me and BF from day one.  There were pics of me, my kids, coworkers and much more.  She even highlighted a text from three years ago where he told me he is the happiest he has ever been and how he was miserable when he was with her (I never replied to him in that thread).  she has been reading ALL of our texts from the moment I meant him....No life!!!


Winterglow's picture

Why didn't you go after her for stalking?! She literally handed you the proof! 

In any case, you have clear proof that she has an unhealthy obsession with you. None of what she produced was of any relevance to the case. 

BTW, is hacking into someone's accounts legal where you live? It doesn't matter HOW she got access (she could have paid someone to do it), she has no right to go there. 

The_Upgrade's picture

This article briefly discusses the legality of going through a partner's phone. With and without their knowledge. It's murky enough to go through a current partner's phone and say permission was granted. It's bloody hard to believe an ex partner would know or give permission to read messages which means BM has well and truly crossed the line into digital stalking. What a creep!

Texashley33's picture

BM just HAD to meet me, and kept harassing us until I did..but I couldn't get out of it, bc she was stalking us, and circling around us with her car!  After she met me she became crazier and mad.  She claimed that she wanted to meet me since I was around their son now.. When an ex wife wants to meet's bc she wants to compare her looks etc to you..and when things get worse, it's bc she's jealous. She started competing with me during drop offs and pick ups. What a nightmare. I feel mentally abused from the years of this step parenting crap. 

Cookieboom's picture

I already spoke to the sheriff who said this "It’s not hacking. It was in the cloud and all in the sons IPad. She didn’t stalk you. But she should have told BF right away. The fact that she didn’t, exposed the son to stuff he shouldn’t have seen. That is abuse."  They advised to get my own lawyer as she is holding on to messages since three years ago, abs BF now believes she was doing rhis since the divorce as she was "always one step ahead of him and knew what he was up to" and made comments about his ex girlfriend that he didn't know how she knew.

Texashley33's picture

Speaking of digitally stalking..BM somehow got my college transcripts..probably knew someone that worked at the college..and she would try to prove to me that I'm not an RN..Freaking jealous and crazy!  Then she started making a bunch of screen names on our town website, and started calling me names like butterface, horse face, trashley. ..I had a bikini pic that she was mad about, and she would say it was photoshopped, when it wasn't, and then she took a bikini pic of herself, and then made a bunch of screen names say that she was prettier than me etc. I went through this for years. 

Ispofacto's picture

When I got with DH a year after his divorce was final, Satan started blowing up his phone at work.  He told her to stop but she kept right at it, to the point his coworkers complained.

So he went to the police with a copy of his company policy against personal phone calls, and they took a report and told her to stop.  In the report she complained he has a new girlfriend.

Satan sent DH two emails.  One said that since he considers her behavior to be harassing, she's reducing his visitation.  The other said that since he refuses to answer her, she requires all communications to be in writing from now on.  Which is what he'd been saying for months, but I guess DH was supposed to feel punished by that, and apologize to her.

So as expected, he filed for a visitation CO.  She showed up to court without a lawyer, and cried in front of the judge, "He won't talk to meeeeee, and it really hurts my feee feeeees."  She was expecting the judge to order DH to respond to her every whim, but the judge rolled his eyes at DH's lawyer and said, "Manipulative."

You see, it is illegal to do anything that hurts a BM's fee feeees.  Anyone who does so should be arrested ASAP!!!!  That nasty ole judge should punish him for sending you that text.  Everyone knows she's the prettiest, most wonderful woman in the whole wide world.  You should be flogged for making her jealous.  Shame on you.


Cookieboom's picture

Fee fees?  Ha ha!!  

BF's lawyer is useless (In regards to me) saying I have no recourse and to "let it go" and "let sleeping dogs lie" 

Rags's picture

We cycled through attorneys until we landed on our killer shark no bullshit attorney who relished in chewing up and spitting out the morons hired by the SpermClan and destroying the SpermClan themselves.

1dad4kids's picture

Solid advice. If BM is slewing crap about you, don't count on someone else's lawyer to defend you. 

Cookieboom's picture

I went to the city police today where i work.  They said we can press three seperate charges PLUS get an order against her.  I am going to my attorney today.  

Cookieboom's picture

Thanks for the replies...He changed his password and her lawyer called his lawyer demanding the password.  They said it was so their son could play games on the Ipad.  His lawyer told hers to pound sand!!!!  I'm not too upset about it.  I think she did this to break us up as she told the lawyer that once I found out what she knows about me that I was going to dump BF.  We did nothing wrong and she is proving to everyone that she is unfit.  We were told by his lawyer that she is "hanging herself."

She rolls her eyes at the judge at the hearings!! Can you believe that?  Nevermind that my BF has an email from her way back when that she didn't want their son anymore and wanted to move away with her married boyfriend.  AND NOW YOU WANT FULL CUSTODY? TILL WHEN? WHEN ANOTHER MAN COMES YOUR WAY?

I am 100% positive that she has been going through his Icloud account way before he met me.  BF is now realizing things and told me how she knew things about his ex girlfriend that he thought their son told her.  The police said that each time she opened his Icloud  is a count, meaning if she broke into it 100 times it is now 100 counts of the violation.   I bet it's WAAAAAAAYYYYY up there.

Texashley33's picture

lol they pretty much said the same thing in court about the BM we have had to deal with...She's digging her own grave. Sucks having to deal with so much drama we never caused.

Cookieboom's picture

I have tried to stay out of thier parenting relationship and lived my life. SHE keeps dragging me into this. I want nothing to do with her.