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1st weekend visit since SD17 moved in with her dad - DW was like a crack addict

paul_in_utah's picture

getting her "fix." Of course, her "drug" of choice is SD17's company. From the moment that SD17 arrived on Friday evening, until the time that we dropped her off on Sunday, DW was all over SD17 like stink on a turd. She practically had an "enraptured" look on her face while she was sitting on the couch with SD17.

Of course, SD17 is still the same rude, entitled, arrogant, and generally unpleasant brat that she was when she left. Obviously, living with her much stricter father has not improved her behavior, at least around us. She spent the entire weekend on the couch, watching the same foul-mouthed trash that she watched when she lived with us. I mean, Key & Peele is kind of funny, but do you really have to watch every episode five or more times? Same with Family Guy, Ghost Hunters, and all of that other crap she loves. I will be in the bedroom, 40 feet away from the living room, and SD17 will have the TV so loud that I can hear it better than the TV in the bedroom. Since most of the stuff she watches is "mature" content, there are a ton of "beeps" where profanity is censored. After hearing about 500 "beeps" over the last two days, I was about to flip the circuit breaker to shut off power to the living room, so that SD17 could not watch the TV.

Mercifully, there was only one "dust-up," which happened around dinner Saturday. I had completely avoided SD17 to that point, but didn't feel that I should have to eat dinner by myself in the bedroom. SD17 and DW are already seated at the table in the kitchen. I sit down, and the following conversation ensues:

SD17: "Can I eat dinner in the TV room?"
DW: "No, you need to eat in the kitchen so you won't make a mess."
SD17: "Can I take my tater-tots into the TV room?"
DW: "No, you need to eat them in here."
SD17" "Why? Why do I have to do that!"

At this point, I had had enough, so I foolishly stepped in:

ME: "She said no, you need to eat in here. Besides, I don't want you adding to the mess you have already made in the TV room."

At this point, SD17 starts audibly snickering, and whispering under he breath.

ME: "If you're going to be a smart-aleck, you can go back to your dad's tonight."
SD17: I could care less what you say. I only wanted to go into the TV room so I wouldn't have to be around you."

Keep in mind, the only thing that I did was sit down at the table. Of course, DW says nothing about SD17's behavior. She thinks its fine that SD17 repeatedly questioned her authority, and talked back to me. Later on, DW gets on to me for "calling SD17 a name." I agreed, that I should have maintained perfect composure regardless of what she said. I then asked DW what she was going to do about SD17 laughing at me, and mocking me under her breath. DW said "Don't you dare try to re-direct this. That has nothing to do with what you did. That was wrong." I pointed out that I had already agreed with her, and again asked what DW was going to do about SD17's comments. I again got the "You're not going to re-direct this, you were wrong!" comment. There was some back and forth, DW threatened to leave (as she always does when she has taken an indefensible position), and I finally just dropped it.

Later on, SD17 finally got off the couch to go to the bathroom, so I was able to sit down next to DW (I had been sitting on the floor, away from the couch). SD17 came back a while later, and I purposely did not get off of the couch, in order to see what SD17 would do. Of course, she acted like an asshole, getting loud, and dancing around the living room to create a specacle (I have to tell you, watching a 200 pound teenage girl trying to belly-dance was pretty funny, actually). Finally, SD17 went to bed.

Sunday was pretty uneventful, althought DW did her damnest to pick a fight in front of SD17. She likes to argue with me in front of SD17, and to levy criticism against me in front of SD17, in order to win "brownie points" with her. Thankfully, I was able to resist the urge to defend myself. Once we dropped SD17 off, DW reverted to her normal personality. She's been fine today, and I have finished cleaning up the mess left by SD17. It's like the weekend never happened.

Although I do not like my schedule being dictated by a child, it appears that I will not be able to interact with DW when SD17 is here for her once-monthly visit, so I guess I will try to find a way to be out of town when SD17 is here. It's just not worth it. Interestingly, SD17's period started before she went home, and apparently she was cramping and bloating pretty badly. Sounds like karma to me.

Ommy's picture

flip the breaker the day before and schedule a "friend" to help you figure out what is wrong with the electricity. }:) it may take all weekend next month....sorry my horns are showing...

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Oh gawd. Reading this makes me want to shake your DW--crack addict indeed. Make yourself scarce when she comes over, there's no other way. I would confront your DW about her picking a fight with you in front of SD, that to me is unacceptable, to throw someone you love under the bus to gain someone else's favor.

No thanks!

duct_tape's picture

Well, honestly, I have to say this...I would have been pissed at you too. (Sorry!!!)

But I'm trying to be objective here. I have four daughters, 23, 17, 14, eighteen months. Whenever I'm having a heated discussion with anyone of them and my husband finds the need to butt in, I get furious. I think he's only done this twice, and not too badly.

Here's the thing, if your wife is attempting to reprimand, correct etc. and you jump in, then you've taken a discussion between her and the kid and turned it into a gang up. It changes the whole dynamic of the situation.

I'm sorry if this pisses you off, but honestly, you butted in. I would never-ever do that to my husband EVER. And he will never do that to me (again). The whole point of the conversation she's having with this girl got totally wiped out the minute you jumped in.

Like wise, if she feels the need to gang up on you to please her daughter, I'll bet you anything that is simply her exacting revenge for her daughter. One good move deserves another. Someone has to be the grown up and stop the bus. She should discipline this girl and you should do what you said. Try to be gone when she's here. One thing is for certain, when she is left with this girl alone, SHE WILL START TO SEE HER FOR WHAT SHE REALLY IS.

paul_in_utah's picture

My DW has a split-personality when it comes to SD17. Most of the time, she kisses SD17's ass. However, there are other times when she has a "moment of clarity" and stands up to SD17. I felt it was important to back her up, since that is as close to discipline as DW ever gets. Of course it ultimately didn't help, but I was just tired of watching the disrespect. If that means that I "butted in," as you put it, then color me a butter.

PeanutandSons's picture

Have you ever asked your wife what she wants you to do when her and SD get into it?

I know, for me, I want Dh back me up and step in with the skids.... But I get annoyed and pissed if he jumps in with me and bs.

Try asking her how she wants to be supported, at a neutral time when you guys can calmly talk about it.

Kilgore SMom's picture

I for one like to have back up. So I see nothing wrong in speeking up when you did. However you said you called her a name, and you also said you shouldn't have. No you really shouldn't have but you get that now. What I see as a problem is the fact that DW feels the need to start arguments with you in front of SD. How in the world would you ever get respect in that house if even DW won't show it. Where does SD get her actions form. You guessed it. Sounds like SD gets it from DW. Boy do you have your hands full. DW started out with boundries but drop the ball before the weekend was over. DW gets some points for trying. I haven't read but a few of your post so sorry if I'm off the mark some. But good luck to you. Sounds like once a month you may want to take a guys weekend. LOL