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Who else has a skid who is trying to break up your marriage?

paul_in_utah's picture

I've seen people touch on this topic before, but I'm not sure anyone has straight-up asked about it. How many of you are living with skids who have made it clear that they are deliberately trying to break up your marriage?

My "wonderful" SD17 certainly falls into this category. She has told my DW many times over the years that she wants DW to divorce me, and I have found numerous "hate" notes hidden in SD17's room during routine contraband sweeps. SD17 used to do things that would piss me off, knowing that I would demand that DW punish her. DW, a friend parent if there ever was one, almost never punish SD. DW and I would fight about this, which only emboldened SD17 further. You could see the glee in her eyes after DW would take up for her in an argument.

One thing that has helped, though, is disengaging. Since I do not really acknowledge SD17 anymore, she doesn't have much luck in agrravating me with her behaviors. This, in turn, means less arguing with DW, which results in fewer incidences of DW sticking up for SD17. I still bitch privately about SD17, and DW and I occassionaly fight about things unrelated to SD17, but for the most part, I have been able to throw water on SD17's usual tactic of provoking fights in order to create friction.

Anyone else dealing with this? How do you handle it, other than disengaging?

hismineandours's picture

Me! Me! SS point blank told dh this summer that he wanted him to move out of our home and the two of them go off and live in the country together like some sort of bizarre romance novel. SS is 13 and we have been a blended family since he was 1. I gotta give him some credit-he is a stubborn cuss with alot of determination unfortunately it's been a massive fail for him. Dh did not ride off in the sunset with him, in fact, ss now resides with the inlaws and there is not even any visitation occurring-all basically because ss refuses to accept our family as a unit. It is sad to me that his determination to resist this family unit was more important to him than having a loving relationship with his dad.

forever2's picture

My skid 12 is too smart for that. He knows why he is living in a big beautiful house in a suburb with great schools and entitled kids whose toughest choice in life is Stanford versus Yale. He knows who pays for all the crap he enjoys, all the good food, the nice clothes, the fancy camps, the vacations....you think his trailor trash mom buys him a life like I do? Sure his dad contributes, but I am the household money train. I go and skiddo is back in trailor trash land. He has a use for me, and whether I am around or not, he always has his dad's undivided attention. Nice life.

emotionaly beat up's picture

My 29 year old sd has made it quite clear that she not only wants to seperate us, but she would like to see us both dead. However, first the seperation because she wants us to suffer a while before we die. Lovely young woman eh!

My husband however, cannot see past her, thinks because he left her mother years ago, she has a right to b angry still. So no matter what this evil young woman does or says it is okay by her daddy. He can come up with the most ridiculous excuses for her.

Two years ago her mother died and this piece of work decided that she would ask daddy to pay for the funeral and if he said no, then she would tell him to P...off out of her life. But that was okay according to daddy after all she was going through a hard time. Yeah a real hard time, she had just inherited mum's estate and didn't want to spend any of it burying mum.

I finally banned her from coming to my home last August, and now she is cultivating FIL..... she has never had anything to do with her grandfather but since I banned her from coming here (with fair warning), she rang nono in tears because she is so distressed about not being able to see her daddy
Nono according to my sister in law is beliving everything this girl says, as does daddy I might add. However, without talking to my husband or myself it appears that my FIL no longer wants anything to do with us. I used to call him everyday (he lives 4 hours away), and my husband called him once or twice a month, but lately when either of us call he doesn't want to talk.

We went up to see him a month ago, and he was very different. He hardly spoke to either of us, but never mentioned or asked about what had happened. Seems he doesn't need our version of events, he has his grandaughters and that is all that matters.

Anyway, I am expecting trouble in the coming week as she is visiting her grandfather this weekend, first time in over two years, so with his support I am more than sure she will come back with attitude. She only phones her father at work, so I guess he will get a phone call tomorrow. My husband is recovering from prostate cancer and this daugher of his during this time, is not only satisfied with causing trouble between him and I, stressing her father out no end, but now she is trying to alienate him from his father. The girl laughably is a nurse....clearly lacking in compassion.

My thoughts on this are............Yes she is trying to break up our marriage, and she is putting a full time effort, BUT...there is no way in hell she could do it without her father's support, it was his job to pull her into line years ago and he failed to do so. He has created a spoilt, self centered, egotistical, greedy selfish brat who believes the only reason other people are on this planet is to serve her wants and desires.

Will she succeed, yes she will if my husband doesn't put an end to it. So I do not blame her, I blame people like her father and grandfather who defend her even when she is clearly doing the wrong thing. She will kill her father if she keeps this going, and she is going to keep it going, yet neither he or his father see to want to stop her.

emotionaly beat up's picture

You make me laugh stepaside,

The first time I posted here you're response pretty much told it like it was, and for a couple of days I thought maybe you were a bit harsh, but after thinking your comments through I realised, no you weren't harsh you were absolutely right, seems for you above post, you're still right. Now I actually get relief out of your comments, they are excellent advice tinged with humour.

I don't know if I have your strength, you went through this for 20 years that must have been tough. But I think from memory you started off with younger ones, I have gone straight into the deep end of the pool, and the sharks are bigger and better when they are adult stepshits Sometimes actuallty quite often I used to feel sick at the relationship my husband had with his daughter, he was constantly trying to please her, always showing off to her, never ever wanted to say no to her. If I asked him to go to the shop he would find a million reasons why he couldn't, daughter asks and he can't get there quick enough, sounds like nothing, but it was quite creepy to watch. I have posted here before when she was 28 he got down on a tiled floor and put her shoes on for her.

Before she came back into his life he really was a different person and he was happy, the last 8 years he is not the man I married. He is afraid to be happy with me because it will hurt his little girl. In the next week or two I expect she will be back in touch with daddy as my sister in law tells me she has gone up to see her grandfather this weekend, she is of course taking the new baby and has been crying to her nono about how she cannot see her daddy because of me.

I don't get that, yes I told her she was no longer welcome here. But I do not have her father bound and gagged in a basement here. If he really wanted to see her, he could. I have told him I will not play a part in the life she has suggestd for me, and he can make a choice, he can go or he can stay but she will no longer dictate the terms of my relationship with my husband, and I will no longer allow him to leave me alone every weekend so he can play with his little girl. His choice clearly is to stay, at the moment. I am biding my time because I believe the least I can do now is allow him time to grieve over the loss of his family (not my fault), but I have made up my mind that after decades of this, next year I turn 60 and I will not take this into another decade. He needs to sort it out, he created it, he encouraged it, he did nothing about it. So, he can live with the consequencdes of it - alone if need be.

Anyway, thank you for your post, it did make me laugh. I see you have met my DH as you certainly know where his head and nose are Smile

hbell0428's picture

I have a princess SD14 whow lives w/ us F.T. and it is a flippin nightmare!! She hates me and I don't care.....I really don't like her either. Her BM and SD can't handle her (don't want to put w/ her) so daddy took her in. I wish they could see how much SP give.......but they never do. SD has screamed she hates me, that I am not her mother, that she wants to move out, that she hates it here.......so on and so on.....It is rather dramatic if you ask me. A plea for daddy's attention since he has opened his eyes. She tried to break her BM and SD up - that didn't work so now she is on to us. And I think I may just let it. I have no energy left. I don't even talk when I get home; I just can't even stand to be there anymore. I guess it depends if DH is worth it to you or not?

Dogmom1321's picture

We were just dating, but when SD was 5, she started chanting "break up, break up!" while banging her fists on the dinner table. A lot of this was PAS from BM. When she was 7, she outright said in front of me "I wish daddy and mommy would get back together." 

*eyeroll* She's currently 10 and has stopped the antics... now I think she despises her Dad and myself equally. 

nappisan's picture

my exSS13 would try and get his mother and my DH to hug and kiss in front of me everytime we had to go to a joint school assembly or communion etc ,, the brat would look at me while he would say "mummy daddy hug for me"  thank fully my DH didnt entertain that bullshit.  the skid also carved my DH name and  BM's name in a love heart on a tree at MY house.  these little brats know exactly what they are doing 

scm444's picture

It took me a while to realize it but I finally got that my SD(16) was activley trying to break my husband and I up.  She started around 14.  She used to like me, at least I thought she did.  I now know the prevous eight years were a lie.  It looked like she turned overnight against me, but it was years of PAS by the mother.  All of a sudden she hated me and I was mean.  I would see texts that she would send to my husband saying, "I miss you dad but you still have this person in your life that I cannot stand."  She would refer to me as "that woman".  She definitely caused problems, as my husband did not discipline her and did not put that little girl in her place.  She told the social media world that I "ruined" her family.  And then told my husband she didn't have to apologize to me because her mom told her she didn't have to.  When he took her car away (the only power he has although he bought her one all the whilst her being horrible), she was forced to apologize.  Her mother was in the background calling me a "piece of shit."  I was done before then, but ever since I feel I have ZERO obligations toward that girl.  I realized my power was that SHE doesn't get ME in her life.  I'm pretty amazing and I know deep down she knows it too.  And she's too stupid and immature to ever know how to fix it and she certainly  has no parent or adult in her life that will help her see how you mend relationships.  Yep, that was me.  Ugh.  No one knows the struggle unless they have lived it!

CLove's picture

To that!

It does sound like BM alienated SD against you. Fortunately (I hope) that hasnt happened with SD14 Munchkin (yet).

Because as I have found out recently, BM hates me and tells people all kinds of garbage against me. Makes my blood boil.

Dogmom1321's picture

Yep! It's the SKs that are missing out on us. Not the other way around. For years, SD always parrotted "you're not my mom." While YES this is true, I'd always say "But I'm still an adult." Now that DH and I are having kids, SD feels "left out" of the family. Well, what do you expect?! For YEARS she has alienated herself from us (mostly her own doing). Not wanting to spend time together, locking herself in her room, refusing to go on vacations together, etc. She has dug her own grave and if she is feeling left out, that is 100% on her. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

SD 14 would love nothing to not only break me at SO up but to break BM and her BF up. This way she has no one blocking her from completely controlling her parents and getting her way at all times.

She can easily lie to and manipulate them. They are her pawns. It's mom's BF and myself that have limits we won't tolerate. 

Someoneelse's picture

SAME! She lies and manipulates them so easily! It's disgusting.  BM Believes 100% I'd what sd says, even though she's lied and stolen  money from BM and her brother on at BMs house.  

Someoneelse's picture

I swear sd is trying to ruin my marriage.  She makes things up,  twists stories around, manipulates situations. Pits both BM and DH agaisnt me. I just tell my side and usually it all ends up as a "misunderstanding". I HATE it. It makes my blood boil, but as soon as i show that im angry it's "see that's what I mean!" From sd, so i gave to stay level headed at all times.  

Cookieboom's picture

Not married but this is my scenario:

~DS made comments about how his life sucks because they’re divorced and that he and his mom should get back together. He asked if they could invite her places out to dinner, an outing or and just to hang at house to watch tv together. He also said “You left mom without trying to keep our family together, you gave up on our family.”  (I began dating BF about 3 years after they split up and she moved her married boyfreind into the marital home 3 months after my BF moved out).

~DS has said multiple times to BF, “You can’t have a girlfriend, break up with her now call her now, you’re affecting my life!” When my boyfriend asked how we were affecting his life he said, “I don’t know you just are!”

 ~BF dropped DS off to BM one night and she said to his son, "Look at your father, all dressed up.. He must be going on a date with CHRISSSSSSSSSTTTTTTYYYYYYY...He doesn't want to be with you tonight!"

~DS will come home after visits with BM and see BF’s car is not in the same place it was when he was last over there and will demand “WHO DID YOU HAVE OVER HERE????”   

~A week before NYE at drop off, BM said to BF in front of DS, "If you don't want to take (son) for NYE so you can do something with Christy, I would be haaapppppy to take him."  Boyfriend said no, that's my night and I was planning on spending NYE with him.”  DS appeared to be upset by that conversation. Then BM yelled at BF that she's known him for this amount of years and he is not the same man he used to be, that he needs to take a long look in the mirror and that his ex-girlfriend didn’t do you any favors and neither is Christy!  We (Her and son) saw you two (Me and him) out together one night!!!” (BM spread rumors about BF’s last girlfriend.  She told DS “I don’t want you at that **tch’s house”)

~After Xmas a few years ago, DS was playing with a gift I purchased and said he likes the gift but doesn’t like the fact that I bought it.  He then began demanding that BF call me right now to break up with me. He said that if BF doesn’t break up with me he will never see him (Son) again. DS also said that BM told him that he does not follow through with his threats but he will follow through with this one if BF doesn’t break up with me asap. 

~After a visit from BF’s family (Who live 2000 miles away) DS told BF that the visit was “He and his dad’s time to spend with THEIR family and we (Me and my kids) had no right being there, that his time with THEIR family was ruined because of us.”

~DS stole BF’s phone and texted BM pretending to be BF and texted something along the lines of they should get back together.

~BM claimed that DS does not want to go to BF’s house because he feels unimportant as BF calls me, has me come over (Which is a lie), texts me and spends his free time with me when not with DS; which DS “doesn’t like.”   BM told Judge at last court hearing that she “did the right thing” and broke up with her BF for the sake of their son and BF needs to do the same.  BF Lawyer interrupted, “My understanding is that your BF is married, you ran off with him for a year and he went back to his wife.” 

Such  joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I can do is disengage....