First Time Long Time
Looking back, it has been over 8 months since my last post. Since then, I have gone back on the dating market, and have met a nice lady. Things are going well with her so far, but I have some definite concerns about her daughter. I wanted to get the thoughts of the group about my situation.
As a bit of a primer: the daughter is 17, and has a host of medical issues, including mental health issues. She has been diagnosed with many food allergies, and has to be on a special diet. She also has additional digestive issues, and GF is waiting on the official diagnosis. It sounds like she may need to have her gall bladder out, and possibly other surgeries. These issues are not any fun, but they are organic and can be objectively verified. Dealing with them will be straightforward enough.
The "mental health" front is more of a concern. First off, I know that depression and mental disorders are very real. I'm not doubting that these issues affect a lot of folks. However, they are much harder to verify than things like food allergies or a non-functioning gall bladder. I don't have a defnite diagnosis for the daughter yet, other than generalized depression and anxiety. She sees a counselor every week, and started taking an anti-depressant recently. The source of the depression is vague, although she has complained about some of the usual suspects, such as being upset about her parent's divorce.
The daughter has has confirmed that she smokes pot regularly, although she supposedly stopped because it could interfere with her new meds. She also has gotten CPS called on her parents over allegations that were later disproven. As a result of this, dad doesn't want to be around her. Lastly, until recently, the daughter's boyfriend lived with her and her mom (my GF). GF eventually made the boyfriend move out, at which time the daughter started co-sleeping with GF to help deal with her anxiety.
So, this isn't my first trip around the block. I"ve dealt with step-problems before, and I've read a ton of good advice on this site over the years. I really care about my GF, and want to build a life together. However, I don't know if that's going to be possible because of her daughter. I haven't done anything rash, like moving in together, or combining our finances. However, I do entertain the idea of moving in together in the future. I am looking at buying a house next year, and if I do, it will obviously be in my name only. If GF and her kids move in, they will be my guests, and not have any legal rights to my home.
I guess my question for the group is this: are there ANY success stories about getting mentally troubled teenagers to launch? I've seen some stories of successful launches, but they usually involved "normally-abled" skids, not skids with major issues. Even then, I know it's tough. I have a year to see how things go (plan on buying in spring of 2020), but I don't want to permanently host a "shot-caller" skid like my GF's daughter. And make no mistake, that's what this girl is now. She calls all the shots in my GF's household, and GF is terrified of triggering an anxiety attack by standing up to her daughter.
I don't doubt that the girl has legitamate issues, but I am convinced that she embelleshes things, or makes up things just to get her way (such as needing to co-sleep with GF due to "anxeity," which means I can't sleep over any more). GF thinks this as well. I kind of think my GF just wants her daughter to launch so that she doesn't have to keep dealing with all of this, but I don't see that happenning any time soon. She's not likely to graduate high school on time, and can't really work due to her medical issues. College is not likely. Short of finding a new BF (her current BF is a loser who doesn't work) to provide for her, I'm not sure what she will do. She's set herself up with a very comfortable life with no virtually no responsibilities, and near total control of her mother. It's infuriating.