I’m out of olive branches for Princess Feral!
For those that have followed (criticized) me lately, you will recall I am trying to make it work with a woman who has “raised” 2 Feral Children, a now 18 year-old girl and a 15 year-old boy. The boy occasionally pouts and mopes, but is a good kid overall. The daughter, Princess Feral, is a wreck. She has been trained to think that she is the center of the family because my girlfriend and her ex-husband spoiled her so much. She has “banned” the extended family from her life because they disapprove of her loser boyfriend, so she cut them out to “protest the injustice.”
Anyway, Princess Feral just turned 18. Of course no one from the extended family wanted to celebrate with her because of the boyfriend. This meant the entire birthday part was me, my girlfriend, the 2 Feral children, and Princess’s boyfriend. It was the usual evening of Princess ignoring everyone, affecting her well-practiced “aloof nihilistic ennui” facade. She is honestly the most arrogant, entitled, self-absorbed, vapid asshole I have ever met. Like a lot of then kids described on here. You get the idea.
Anyway, my present to Princess was picking up the cake and paying for dinner, even the loser boyfriend. All told, about $130 for both things. Did Princess thank me? Of course not! Did loser boyfriend thank me?? Of course not! To her credit, my girlfriend did thank me at the table, but no one picked up on the hint. She later said she was “ashamed” her kids were so rude, and she didn’t “raise them that way,” but she also didn’t say anything to Princess to correct the behavior.
As you can imagine, I am done with this ingrate! How hard is it to say thank you? My GF is broke, so without me there would have been no dinner, and Princess would have guilt-tripped my GF about not doing anything. That will be the last meal I provide for Princess for the foreseeable future. I will not be helping her with anything else either. I have bent over backwards trying to be nice to this girl, and have too-toed around her “anxiety” issues to avoid “triggering her,” but I am done with that.
My cousin is just a little older than Princess, and she says that, despite her good looks, Princess will never land a decent man because of her horrible personality. At first I didn’t believe that, but she may be right. GF has infantiized her children, so Princess is basically a seven year-old best in an 18 year-old body. It may very well be that loser boyfriend is the best she can do. Who would want to date a (mental) seven year-old?
Please do not make allowances
Please do not make allowances for someone on account of any actual or perceived mental health problems. I suffer myself, but do not use it as an excuse to behave like a knob head. It actually helps people with genuine mental health issues, to be expected to contribute to family life and to be held to account when they inadvertently don't behave well.
You have been on this site about the same length of time as me. I haven't followed your story closely, but things don't appear to be getting any better? Pls do not tiptoe around this obnoxious and ungrateful freeloader any longer. She really needs a wake up call, and her mother is doing her no favours whatsoever by not calling her out.
I don’t believe for one
I don’t believe for one second she has actual anxiety issues. She’s spoiled and lazy. She was used to getting everything she wanted, but that stopped after the divorce due to the income disparity between my girlfriend and the bio-dad.
I think the root of the matter is that my girlfriend’s daughter is, quite simply, an asshole.
You are completely right, my GF does no favors by pandering to Feral Princess. But her explanation is the tried and true “I’m afraid I’ll lose her” if I start enforcing expectations and consequences. Uggh.
Rather than "I'm afraid I'll
Rather than "I'm afraid I'll lose her" the perspective should be ... "Good riddance".
smh
When parents are broke and on hard times...
respectful kids don’t chuck hissy fits and guilt their parents for not doing a luxurious birthday party
You’re absolutely right.
You’re absolutely right. Respectful kids don’t do that. Entitled Feral Assholes do, though.
You have to see
SD and loser BF are not going to move out. That would mean someone would have to have a job. And keep the job. Not happing. SD and LBF will move in with your GF. And you can support all of them. It’s really bad when extended family what’s nothing to do with SK. You picked a winner
Hasn’t happened yet, Hairy.
Hasn’t happened yet, Hairy.
Did you read what I wrote? That the relationship probably won’t work if Princes Feral doesn’t move out? PF’s boyfriend lives with his family, not my GF.
Nothing to say to that Hairy?
Nothing to say to that Hairy?
Insanity is doing the same
Insanity is doing the same things over and over again while expecting a different result. This includes waking up morning after morning to the same crap from your GF and her spawn. You do realize that the Spawn are not the problem... right? Your GF is the typhoid Mary of this situation.
Time to stop the insanity and find a partner that is worth a shit.
Rescue projects rarely work out. This one certainly isn't. The one positive thing about rescue projects is that the experience teaches us what will work and what doesn't work. IF.... we are capable of learning and choose to learn.
Move on. Take care of you.
I agree with this. Paul,
I agree with this. Paul, honestly, your GF & her kids aren’t the problem at this point. You’ve been a member for a long time, and seem to be having the same or similar issues. Has anything improved/changed? At all?
At some point a person needs to look themselves in the mirror & realize it’s things they, themselves are doing that are contributing to the stress they experience.
Youre choosing to stay in a relationship with a woman who enables & babies her children. They take advantage of you, you’re miserable, and yet you stay & cling to the hope that they’ll move out & it’ll get better.
You need to take care of you. Period. Being alone would be better than being permanently miserable and dealing with these ferals & their incompetent mother.
Paul, I support you, and I
Paul, I support you, and I hope that you can spot the difference between critics that are just out to be antagonistic, and critics that are actually doing it because they care about you, and are frustrated that you keep putting yourself in harms way.
On a side note, I was so badly bullied a while back, that I avoided this site for 2 years. I had been sworn at, EVERYTHING I said got disputed no matter WHAT it was, and I was ridiculed because my husband was "only" a bus driver. I came back, and was pleased to see that were rules in place to ensure site etiquette and ban bullying behaviour. However, even though people who blatantly break the rules get axed, there have recently been some cases of subtle antagonism. Some of the stepmothers on here have identified certain users as really being bio-mothers who hang around, just to tear down what the SMs are saying. Maybe these BMs have had a bad case of rivalry with an SM in the past, and now they're doing it out of spite.
But apart from that, this site is now not too bad. You need to be really, really good to yourself, and uplift yourself as being the good and worthy person that you are. Support yourself in your need to be respected. If people on here dispute what you're saying, then simply weigh up their comments against what really feels safe and right for you.
It is NOT acceptable for your stepdaughter to be so ungrateful about your lovely gesture of shouting everyone dinner. That level of ungratefulness means she's totally not living in the real world. Don't let it ride. Insist that your GF do something about it, instead of just admitting that it's poor behaviour.
Have a think about what you want in life. Do you enjoy life? Or are these people making you so miserable, that they make your quality of life a daily drag? What is it about your GF that's so special, you want to hang in there with her?
Dont just look at the possibility of a breakup in the same way as walking the plank on a sailing ship. (Or a pirate ship ha ha!)
Look at your life in the bigger picture. What places would you like to travel to? What hobbies would you like to do?
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to live in a home that is a nurturing, stable environment.
Look after yourself.
Thank you for this thoughtful
Thank you for this thoughtful and well thought-our response. I work so much right now that I don’t really have hobbies anymore. I’m trying to think about what else I could do with my time once work slow.
Of course, now I am in trouble for lightly teasing GF’s son about having a girlfriend. I think I called him Romeo or something. He was pouty all through dinner, and now I know why. So now I don’t dare say anything about Princess Feral.
For the foreseeable future, my comments to the ferals with limited to “Hello” and “How are you?” That’s it.
Fair enough, and you can read
Fair enough, and you can read the household dynamics well enough to know how comfortable you feel in bringing up topics. But calling your SS 'Romeo' is totally harmless. And if your SD does something that is no ifs, no buts unacceptable, then you speak up loud and proud. None of this 'I don't dare speak up' nonsense.
If assertive phrases are what's lacking here, then maybe you need to collate a phrase book full of requests and comebacks to help you combat each sticky situation.
i find it pretty pathetic that your GF would be mad at you for making Romeo jokes, after you've just paid for dinner.
Paul,
Paul,
This will never end. You married a woman with prior relationship children that she has raised to be snowflake clingers. They may launch, though I doubt it, and they may improve as far as being entitled sensitive snowflake clingers, but I doubt that also. Even if my doubts are wrong, these snowflakes will never go away, never cease to exist, and will never stop being an interferance to your marriage.
Because your bride will not ever learn to parent, will never hold them accountable, and will never prioritize you or your marriage over her snowflake clinging immature children.
At what point is enough enough and at what point do you make yourself the priority? Something your bride will never do. If past behavior proves to be the best predictor of future performance that it usually is.
Blended family marriage to a quality parent is difficult. Blended family marriage to a failed parent who prioritizes children over marriage and spouse is futile at best and tragic at worst.
IMHO of course.
Take care of you.
"She later said she was
"She later said she was “ashamed” her kids were so rude, and she didn’t “raise them that way,” but she also didn’t say anything to Princess to correct the behavior."
Bahahahahahahahahahaha, yes she did! She raised them exactly that way. The proof is that they are rude and then she reinforced it by not correcting them! They are shining examples of her parenting skills!
Why don't you move out,
Why don't you move out, continue dating your GF and see what happens? It sounds as if you might be able to get some distance, which brings some clarity and then you might see if the relationship is worth it or not. You might reset the balance in the relationship too if she knows you're serious about the problems, but invested enough keep working on the issues while you date.
I did this when we dated. I broke it off for several years but we remained friends. When we began dating again, SD was older and it seemed a much better bet. And although I'm feeling about as close to divorce right this moment as I ever have, I KNOW it would not have even worked this long if I had to live with SD for even a moment. It was easier to go back into the relaltionship after the kid was at least out of the house.
But don't be fooled even by that. They are poisonous.
Alas...my ultimate advice would be to find someone without kids.
Paul, I Really Hope You Will Make Strong Efforts To Leave This
situation.
Look at the Adult Step section. There are thousands of posts and responses there. If I'm not mistaken, it gets THE MOST traffic on this website.
My point is, while SD may be 18, that doesn't mean she's an adult, or will move out. I strongly feel since BM isn't enforcing any type of boundaries, and you, in turn feel hurt because of it, she will continue to "not parent" especially since SD is 18.
She needs you. You do NOT NEED HER and HER BAGGAGE.
Please, you seem like a kind-hearted, good man. Get out and give yourself some recovery time. Eventually a quality woman will come into your life. One who is your equal who will treasure you.
Keep us posted!