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The more I think about egg donors...

newstepmom2008's picture

I read a post to a blog entry that I put up last night when I was frustrated and when I was scared that this ridiculous BM was trying YET AGAIN to make my life miserable and take away the one thing in my life that brings me peace, happiness, and yes joy!

At first I apologized for offending this woman but the more I think about it the more I want to change my response to this...

GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE! We step-parents have to put up with an ENORMOUS amount of grief, aggravation, and often times humiliation! Give us the one luxury of being able to log onto this site and vent without having to censor our every thought and word! We have to do enough of that around these obnoxious women and their children and yes sometimes even our dear husbands! If you will KINDLY take the time to read the what the header says for this site, it reads as follows..." {where stepparents come to VENT}

I am FULLY aware of what the official definition of an egg donor is! I have two degrees and I have a 4.0 GPA. To top that I have MAJOR fertility problems so again I'm fully aware of what an egg donor is. I wish there was a better term that I could have thought of in my frustrated state last night but I didn't. The fact remains that she doesn't deserve the title of mother -- not even biological mother! No one who would let 2 different child molesters baby sit their children deserves to have the word mother anywhere near their name/title. Egg Donor is too good as well but it seems to draw a picture of someone who just gives genetic material -- nothing more. But again that's too good for her b/c while she won't give us custody, she pawns these children off on any other sub-human life form she can find. All she cares about is getting the child support so she can get her next bottle of pills or bottle of alcohol!

And before you mount another horse, I am also fully aware that lumping people together under one title is never a good idea! The BM in my first marriage was wonderful! In fact, I still keep in contact with her and I'm probably going to be testifying in court against my ex so that she can keep her son!


newstepmom2008's picture

I read your first post, and AGAIN, I understand the definition. Since you have time to be the vocabulary police and make sure everyone is politically correct, you apparently don't have near the frustrations in your marriage, with the BM, and in your family as a lot of us on this site do!

I can't stand people who run around trying to be so PC all the time.

If everyone wasn't so afraid of breaking the PC rules or being sued, CPS would actually do it's job! Courts would make FAIR AND SOUND judgments on where children should be reared, but no, everyone is afraid of hurting someone's delicate little feelings. Consequently, child after child is continually left in homes where they incur mental and physical abuse! But it's not until these idiots kill their children do they say, oh I guess they weren't fit...and maybe they should have been JUST an egg donor!

newstepmom2008's picture

she doesn't offer ANY monetary support to these children!

My husband and I are the only ones who support them! For her to contribute anything, would require her getting off of her drugged out mind and actually DOING something besides trying to make life hell for others and to stop spreading lies about other people.

Shaman29's picture

Newstepmom2008 - Ignore Danyelle's comments to you. If she doesn't like the way you vent she can skip your posts. Obviously she is more concerned about how she feels about the way we vent, instead of offering support for the frustrations we face all of the time.

Keep your chin up and ignore this person. You already have one aggravating person in your life, don't let Danyelle be the second. Smile

You are here to vent. Say what you want, any way you want to and ignore the critisism for how you're doing it. This is supposed to be our safetly place, we shouldn't have to worry about nit-pickers starting ridiculous arguments.


Never eat more than you can lift.
Miss Piggy

newstepmom2008's picture

I'm glad someone understands the point I was trying to make!

emptyrisksagain's picture

I AGREE. You say what you want, HOW you want.

newstepmom2008's picture

Oh Cruella, your post gives me hope and made me feel like jumping up and shouting b/c one of us has finally won the battle to protect our children!!!!!!!

There is nothing more that I would love than to see the BM get her act together and become a GOOD mother! I would love for these children to have a normal life, and I would love for the number one role model to be the BM, but unless God decides to work one whopper of a miracle -- AND she decides to accept that miracle, that's just not going to happen!

You are a wonderful lady for what you are doing! I hope that your DH realizes what an amazing woman you are! I honestly thought most women would be like me and accept any child as there own and fight for a skid as though they were their own, but I've found out we are quite a different breed (for lack of a better word -- my brain is foggy from the relaxation in the hot tub Blum 3 ) of outstanding and loving women!

Again, my hat is off to you!

BMJen's picture

And so are you. This woman is nothing but an EGG DONOR. F the political correctness.......

It's just how it is. If you suck as a parent, never see your kids, don't support them, you are just that......a freaking donor. Those who don't like it should just simpily make sure they are not donors or are married to donors. Sorry Sad for the bluntness.

~Happiness is defined by the smile on your face, not the frown on others.~

BMJen's picture

It was a general comment.

~Happiness is defined by the smile on your face, not the frown on others.~

newstepmom2008's picture

I want to thank all you ladies for the support you gave today! This was a VERY frustrating weekend, and it was nice to feel the support of strong women who rallied around me and validated the fact that I have every reason to feel frustrated by this crack case of a woman (and yes I can actually call her that Blum 3 ).

Rags's picture

reference under-involved or uninvolved BioParents. But, I have been asked repeatedly to quit using the phrase SpermDonor when referring to my SS's PaternalGeneticContributor. I have tried to reduce the frequency of my use of that term but sometimes no other reference seems quite as appropriate.

Good luck with this battle. Using "Donor" is like bleeding in to a river full of pirhana while going for a swim for some of the members of StepTalk. Fortunately most see the term for what it is meant to be. A descriptor of a detestable looser.

Best regards,

Sasha's picture

Does your BM accuse your DH of being a sperm donor or something? Just wondering if perhaps this is why you find the term so offensive.

newstepmom2008's picture

She's just concerned with being PC instead of giving anyone an ounce of slack when they are stressed! She obviously feels so out of control of her own life that like the wicked BMs she's resorted to trying to control us -- perfect strangers. I see her point on the vocabulary stance but she needs to gloss over the posts she doesn't like...and just like the rest of us, if she doesn't like it to just chalk it up to a person being pushed to their limits and venting.

If she were truly concerned she would address the issue discussed instead of the semantics. She doesn't do that though, she just tries to keep stirring the pot and getting everyone all worked up. Shoot for all we know she's just a fraud who knows nothing about what we go through or she could even be one of the vindictive BMs who get on here to try and follow what the step-mother is saying. I've known of people getting on sites just starting arguments because they get their jollies off on that.

I've decided to ignore all of her comments from here on out! If there was a way to block her from my posts I would, but I have yet to find that option on here, so let her continue babbling -- I'll just ignore her. Shoot I've gotten pretty good at ignoring annoying people over the last few years -- haven't we all!

Last Nerve's picture

It's "s-p-e-e-c-h".

Secondly, your right to have freedom of speech does not mean your views/thoughts/opinions are any more important than the other members here.
Your views/thoughts/opinions, are likely to be taken more seriously, and given more consideration, if you gave out just a quarter of the respect you are demanding from us.
Are you the pot this week - or the kettle???

Sita Tara's picture

Because it's just not that personal for me. However, I understand why it might be personal to others-a few members in particular including the one who politely asked Rags to refrain because of some BMs who use this term toward their children's fathers who do support their kids. I am sure it is painful for those parents who's BMs are PAS-ing their children away from them, to hear this term used even in a vent that's justifiable.

However, personally I feel that no matter how uninvolved my SD's BM is I will never view her as an egg donor because I think it disrespects my SD's love for her mom, no matter how little I feel her mother deserves it.

BM gave SD life. It is a gift regardless of her ability to do more for SD than that. And actually, I happen to know she didn't want to follow through even on that level, and only went through with her pregnancy with SD b/c DH told her he would divorce her if she terminated her pregnancy with his child. I cannot, due to my own personal history, judge her for considering that choice, however, I see it as one more example of her egocentric mental illness, being she had a supportive husband at the time and was still too self centered to want to be a mother. With that history, how could BM be expected to change and grow into more?

So I'm in the middle. It's not a term I find appropriate no matter the circumstances, so I don't use it myself. But I don't judge you for using it (or Rags.)

So just do what feels right and necessary to you on your journey. I would perhaps suggest if you continue to use the term, then refuse to apologize or explain because you are only giving fuel to those eager to debate and correct you. Those people will not ever understand and given the past few weeks on here, using these terms will open you up to more criticism. But as long as you're ok with that, it's no concern of mine. Smile

Oh- and like Cru, I am the only mom behaving as such to my SD now. We have FC and as I mentioned above, BM is like a fun Aunt who feeds you sugar, buys you inappropriate neon triple padded push up bras, loads you up with double caff lates and sends you home to argue with your parents.

Come to think, there are many other unflattering terms I may consider for her.