I'm sorry you're feeling so unappreciated. That's what it amounts to, doesn't it? Feeling unappreciated for all that you do and feeling taken for granted by the people you do it for. I don't blame you one bit.

♥ ANNE 8102 ♥

"I know why families were created with all their imperfections. They humanize you. They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed." ~ Anais Nin

I dont blame you love. I would do exactly the same. At 18 your not a child anymore. You need to learn how to help out around the house if you dont work and pay rent if you do. My skid was so lazy around the house it was laughable, I think she ironed two things in the three months she lived with us. If she moved back in I would let her look after herself this time. I commend you in your new endeavour, batten down the hatches and dont let them walk all over you. Good luck!

"Dispute not with her, she is a lunatic."

I must be in the air, I too, and I shutter, may quit also. You are not alone !!

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

It's a combination of your FH and giving the now-ADULT children in the house continued excuses for why they should not be holding up their end of the bargain. And of course, the 'little darlings' know EXACTLY what they can get away with because there are never any consequences for not doing the chores!

Where's Cru's fryin pan?

I, too, have tried going 'on strike' in my own house- picking up only my mess, cooking only for me, washing only my clothes, etc, but it didn't work too well for me because I literally couldn't stand the absolute MESS the little slobs created in my beautiful home.

But if it works for you, I say- GO FOR IT!

Sometimes these situations call for extreme measures!

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

Why isn't he following through?

No rent, EVICTION notice please. TOUGH love. You remember that friend I wrote about a few weeks ago that still lives with her parents at 32? Well...

I told her some stuff about kids not helping, leaving their stuff around for me to pick up and she sorta smirked and said, "My mom still complains about it too. But she keeps picking up after me so why should I do it?" It's passive aggressive for my friend. She HATES living with her parents but "can't afford" to live on her own (with two degrees making more than I did with two sons and a mortgage my the way.)

When my friend told me about how she treats her mom, I thought "YOU are IN YOUR THIRTIES!" Ugh. She let's her mom take care of her stuff, because she doesn't care if her mom complains, her mom is complaining all the time and my friend is used to drowning it out.

I bet your 18/19 year old's are the SAME. (Though I must admit it is more forgivable at their age than my 30 something friend's age.)

If you make it too comfortable for them then they will NEVER LEAVE. And once again, if he's not encouraging them to take steps toward leaving he's NOT DOING HIS JOB AS A PARENT. Which is, to train your children how to function as independent adults.

PS, I wrote this after I wrote you back in PM. So now I will revisit the subject again. (Might have been too easy on FH!)

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/286762_parents28.html

I liked the part where the couple moved in with her parents to save rent for a house, THEN are remodeling the parents basement to re-pay them for the "favor."

Maybe something like THAT instead of rent. Not daily chores, but a specific project?

I like the idea of barter. It is teaching the kids responsibility and at the same time they can use/learn a skill that will help them with their own house one day.

What do you think about that one?

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

They will be begging for mercy soon! Stay strong and DO NOT COOK especially, for them. Have no food there for them!! Stay in your room and read magazines and StepTalk and doing what you want to do for a change! They will break. BWA HA HA HA HA! no really

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

I am so sorry this is happening to you right now! I absolutely hated the feeling of not being in control in the home I paid for. Or the fridge I filled each week. Or the bills I paid.

Sounds to me like your home is being controlled by two ADULT teenagers, and they can do whatever they want because FH still thinks they live in kiddieland. Great deal for them--why should they ever leave? It makes me sick to read how he is acting. My DH did the same thing, and his adult kids are unproductive, unhappy people. Is this what your FH wants?

You've tried hard, and the two ADULTS snub their noses at you because they have learned that they can get away with that sort of behavior.
Remember, you are well within your rights to kick their dumbasses to the curb--even for a few weeks. They won't starve, and they won't die. What they might learn, however, is how good they had it at home and change their behavior.

I had to kick my own BD out when she turned 18 for some of these same issues. I never had a problem with her except for when it came to doing what chores I needed her to do which involved picking up after herself, taking care of her own laundry, not leaving her clothes all over her floor, not throwing her dirty jeans off her floor in with my clean clothes in the dryer (yes, somehow she thought this would actually get hers clean). I know I asked way too much of her. Damn me. Other things were finding my good clothes and shoes in her car under loads of crap, wearing my bras - not as disgusting as Chava's situation, leaving food and drinks for weeks in her room. It was silent rebellion on her part for me asking her to do those things. Dh had been a friend she could go to before we got married. He told her she simply needed to meet me half way on this, but she wouldn't. I cleaned out her car one night and found everything of mine I was missing. Finding my mascara in her car was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had just asked her where it was and she told me she didn't know. Out the door she went the next morning. I bawled in my office with the door shut all day. She lived in her car for a couple of weeks. Then moved in with some friends. They really didn't have room for her though. About four months later, I let her move back in. Things improved. Sometimes you just have to give tough love.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

sometimes I feel like a second class citizen, like I don't belong and nothing I say matters-hang in there:)

sometimes I feel like a second class citizen, like I don't belong and nothing I say matters-hang in there:)

Hmmm. I remember getting up, MAKING MY BED, getting dressed, eating my breakfast, CLEANING MY PLATE AND PUTTING IT IN THE SINK, going to school. Coming home, DOING MY HOMEWORK, having dinner, DOING THE DISHES. I remember WEEKEND CHORES and if I wanted to earn money, I babysat, I mowed lawns and I took care of the neighbors pets.

Times have changed!

Glynne

I had many of these same issues. My bs and ss have been very difficult in getting them to do any chores. My bs is finally getting that if he picks up stuff in his room DAILY then it stays clean! He is almost 15. My ss, whom I love DEARLY, was never really around much to take the time to do it sooooo...... things would get pretty disgusting sometimes. I know there were probably things crawling around in the primordial ooze that would be growing in coke cans or plates or glasses! Lots of evolution going on in his room!;)

with these kids! I have a 19 almost 20 year old SD. She has been home this summer from college, living with boyfriend. Anyways, she comes to our house on some weekend days with her boyfriend while we are at work and just pigs out on the FOOD that i buy, even takes simple things out of the cabinet. I notice it because I BOUGHT it but DH thinks Im loosing my mind. So when do you stop letting them invade your house when no one is there. She didnt work a lick this summer, spend all summer doing what she pleased, getting a pretty tan, enjoying the pool, partying and my DH hands her funds for whatever! Ladies i remember I started work at age 16 and havent stopped since. I have become well I like to think i have become a strong independent woman and it feels good to be able to stand on my two feet at any time.

Stressedoutsm,, you said how I feel and Im sure how many others feel,,, LIKE A second class citizen in my own home. its a pretty crappy feeling.