Hard Lesson Learned: Venting
Last year has been rough for us. Lost my job and my car finally broke down all at once. Can't afford day care for our toddler or a new car so I'm at home while husband slaves away, giving 40% of his check to Child Support for a kid he barely gets to see by a woman he casually dated when he was young and stupid. Husband filed our taxes jointly as I had barely any income last year, and our entire refund is going to her. We get nothing for OUR child, nothing to help us crawl out of the hole we're in. She collects child support every month from my husband AND the father of her other kid, AND claims them all. It's comforting to know that she's buying new iphones every month and going on vacation constantly while we starve. Oh well. Enjoy the free ride Honey because it ends in about 4 years. You better "forget" to take your birth control again and pop out another kid while you're still fertile so you can leech off another guy.
If the whole check went to
If the whole check went to CS, then dad must be in arrears.
That's correct. He is in
That's correct. He is in arrears because he had the audacity to get laid off years ago, not be able to find work, and the nerve to give her as much as he could in CASH and not keep receipts. What a jerk. Well at least he's paying for it now!
We're going to try to go to court this year and see if something can be done. It's absolutely ridiculous. That kid does not cost half his paycheck to raise. I'm actually trying to get food stamps or WIC now because things are so bad. CS is taking EVERYTHING.
He's to blame for the
He's to blame for the situation you're in not the system or BM. When he was laid off years ago, he should have gone to court to request a CS modification. My exDF never had a problem having CS lowered when his income dropped. He did it here in NYC (several times) and never needed a lawyer.
It's a shame that his decision is having such a huge impact on you now.
She was also supposed to
She was also supposed to report any $ he gave her when she filed. He asked her to tell them that he was giving her cash. Now I'm not sure how it all works, but I know that not only did she wait years to even file for child support at ALL, she basically told them that he was a dead beat dad who wasn't supporting his kid-which is a complete lie. Yes he was stupid for not documenting anything, and stupid for not going to court, but she's also a vindictive bitch make no mistake. Hopefully we can have some of it sorted out this year.
Vicki, cash doesn't count in
Vicki, cash doesn't count in the world of CS. As far as the courts are concerned, the cash is nothing more than a gift. All they care about is that the amount that is in place is paid.
Where was he while mom was in court lying? Unless he ignored the court date, (why the heck would he do that) he was in the courtroom while all of that was said about. Surely he spoke up and the judge that mom was full of shit.
Honestly, it sounds like he may be lying about some of the stuff that went down years ago.
Could you have claimed the EIC with your income? If so, looking into the injured spouse option may work out for you this year. It couldn’t hurt.
What court date? I'm not
What court date? I'm not aware of a court date. She filed paperwork through the child support office. They were never married...lived together for less than a year, and for the first few years of the child's life she accepted money from him and never filed. Yes I understand that cash doesn't count if he doesn't keep track of it. He may be dumb and a pushover but he's not a liar. I think I know my husband better than you do, thanks.
There had to be a court date.
There had to be a court date. How else could CS have been established? :? :?
If she went to the CS office and filed, they set up a court date. She had to have him served with court papers. Then they both had to go court.
Must be the same here. Maybe
Must be the same here. Maybe I misunderstood something, but I've never heard of any court date. I think he went to the child support office at some point because she was trying to take more than he made, but it was mostly all done through the mail. He got a notice, and then wages started being held from his paychecks. That's how it's been ever since. If he wants to get it modified then he has to go to court (which we're doing this year for sure.) I just wish we could afford a good lawyer but we'll do what we can.
Vicki, cash doesn't count in
Vicki, cash doesn't count in the world of CS. As far as the courts are concerned, the cash is nothing more than a gift. All they care about is that the amount that is in place is paid.
Where was he while mom was in court lying? Unless he ignored the court date, (why the heck would he do that) he was in the courtroom while all of that was said about. Surely he spoke up and the judge that mom was full of shit.
Honestly, it sounds like he may be lying about some of the stuff that went down years ago.
Could you have claimed the EIC with your income? If so, looking into the injured spouse option may work out for you this year. It couldn’t hurt.
It is very simple to avoid
It is very simple to avoid confiscation of your tax return. DON'T GIVE THE GOVT MORE OF YOUR MONEY THAN YOU LEGALLY HAVE TO PAY!!!!!
All this takes it to slightly under-withhold on your W-4 elections and owe a little bit to the IRS at the end of the year. This is assuming you are a US resident or citizen. It is far better to NOT give the government an interest free loan and expect them to return your money at the end of the year. Keep your money. That way BM does not get even more of your family income and the govt does not get to use YOUR money interest free.
This same thing applies for those who fail to pay back their school loans. THe government can't keep money that they do not have from you as far as your taxes are concerned.
Be very, very careful though. Do not owe a ton of money at the end of the year either. Better to manage your withholding allowances as close to $ZERO as you can. Talk to your CPA if you have any questions on how it should work.
We rarely get a return. We usually owe a small amount every April 15th.. by design.
All in my layman's opinion of course.
can you do one of those
can you do one of those injured spouse things?
My ex husband renegged on his student loans and all of his tax refund go to the government. We are supposed to trade off two and then one and vice versa. I claim all three kids and give him money. I just wrote him a check for $1400 last week.
I've often wondered why his new wife doesn't do that injured spouse form so all of her tax refunds don't go to his student loan bill but we both benefit from our arrangement.
That's awesome that you guys
That's awesome that you guys can work it out. I wish my husband and the BM had a mature relationship like that, but no. They pretty much hate each other. She's one of those that uses the child as a weapon against him, talks shit all day long about us, and runs the whole show. She's successfully turned the kid against us too. His daughter has never really been "his." It's HER child. She's always told him what to do, how he should parent, and if he doesn't do what she says, she threatens to keep his daughter from him. It's really sad. She will never forgive him for dumping her (14 years ago.)She's still pissed that having his baby didn't stop him from leaving her. Haha
^That's interesting. I was
^That's interesting. I was thinking if I could at least try to find a min.wage part time job, I would file separately from him and claim our child, so I can at least get something back for him next year. I don't think I can file injured spouse since I don't have enough income to report. It just burns me up inside that she's getting MY son's money, and I already know she's gonna spend it on herself buying shit she doesn't need. GRRRR!
The money is hard. I was only
The money is hard. I was only with DH very little when he had to pay spousal support of $1500.00
CS of $480.00 for son a month.
$400.00 for his enormous outbuilding a month.
And truck for skids 420.00 a month.
Then by the time I moved closer he was done with but truck payments.
I think he's got a year and a half for truck then done.
I hope in the meantime it blows up bc in one year they've put 50 thousands miles on it . Even though it's newer it has 99,000 miles . Ha
The struggle is real being divorced with kids.
I hope 4 yrs come fast for you. Times ticking for me when he's done with payments. Sd barely has anything to do with DH . Only when they want something.
You can file separately if you have a child. Check with your tax preparer. Just claim you and the child. Tell them he's claiming himself and head of household.
An experienced tax preparer can help you . If you go to college there's help there too.
When I divorced I got a nice grant to go to college under displaced homemaker. But I was divorced and had a teenager
Yikes! That's a lot of money!
Yikes! That's a lot of money! We're definitely filing separately next year...If I had known this would happen I would never let him claim me or our son. He's really upset about it too and feels guilty...I'm trying to get into nursing school and help turn out lives around, and I do qualify for financial aid (thank God.) I just keep hoping things will get better with time. Trying to be patient but it's hard. At least he never married her so there's no alimony for her. I'm sure she would have gone to town with that too.
Hmmm Yes that's why I titled
Hmmm Yes that's why I titled this HARD LESSON LEARNED: VENTING. Read it again. Thanks for that. She lied about being on birth control, had a kid to try to keep him around. No he shouldn't have stuck his dick in crazy, but yeah, it is kinda mostly her fault. Sorry if that strikes a nerve with you. I don't believe in trapping men with babies, but I guess you're not above that?
It's amazing to me that you know how much he enjoyed it too. Wow! He enjoyed it so much he couldn't stand to be around her for more than a year? Yeah sounds like a great time. I didn't realize you knew the intimacies of my husband and his ex's relationship and their sex life too. What were you peeking in their window the night they conceived? Lol.
Maybe you should also read the rest of the thread where I've already stated (more than once) that I will be filing separately from now on. Again: "Hard Lessons Learned." Do you know what that means or are the words too big for you to understand?