step hell I hate my SD 13
Ok so my partner has 3 kids 2 of which I get on with and the SD13 who I detest.
she is an aggravating, immature, entitled, selfish little brat .
Who treats me like I am invisible and throws it in my face by talking to everyone but me. She makes my fucking blood boil whenever she is around me and all I want to do is punch the stupid bitch in the face!
We had a few problems with her last year wanting ALONE TIME with her mum aswel as the YOUR NOT MY DAD amongst her teasing the dog ,her brother and always wanting something she won't even go in a shop by herself!
We were messing around and I went into the kitchen and SD13 followed me as once we were in the kitchen she turned and told me that I was annoying I was a bit shocked that she could be so fucking rude and said oh well nevermind.
I am considering leaving by why should I let her get what she wants ?
The latest thing is that after her not mentioning anything about ALONE TIME for 5 months her dad texts her mum saying SD13 asked him to asked my partner if SD13 could have alone time .
Dude, a 13 year old girl
Dude, a 13 year old girl SHOULD have alone time with her mother. I understand this girl may be rude, which is not ok, but you mention the "alone time" thing more than once, so it clearly bothers you.
I have a DD12. My DH is her stepfather. He doesn't get upset if she and I spend time together. Why do you? I truly don't understand that. Are you jealous of the girl?
Oh, by the way, you are NOT her dad. You should not be disclipining her. You should be "mom's boyfriend," and you should be treated respectfully, but you should NOT be trying to step into a parental role. Especially with a teenager.
Im sorry but i think you are
Im sorry but i think you are wrong, He may not be her father but if she is sleeping in his house, then he has every right to punish her. (not physically of course).
regarding the alone time, i can slightly understand wanting to spend time with your mother. i love to spend alone time with my mother. as long as they aren't spending weekends away from you wouldn't worry about a few shopping trips.
I agree with SAF. All kids
I agree with SAF. All kids need one on one time with each of their parents every now and then. She is no exception. Your partner shouldn't be allowing her to treat you (or any other adult) rudely. But trying to assume a parental role in the life of a teen isn't going to improve things for any of you.
ok so what your saying is
ok so what your saying is that I go to work pay the bills and holidays but when she's rude I say nothing and let her walk all over me ?
No you are correct I am not her dad I wouldn't of raised such a bitch!
So she gets alone Time when the other two don't ?
FYI she has been offered alone time and said she didn't want to go more than once so work that out ?
No one ever said teenagers
No one ever said teenagers made sense.
Don't try. It will be a waste of your energy. The others kids may not want or need alone time at this stage. That may come as they get older. The point is, she is ASKING for alone time.
Your GF should be the one working and paying the bills for HER children and HER holidays, etc. That is HER responsibility. If you are doing it and find that you resent it, your issue is with HER, not her children.
If the SD says something rude to you, call her out. Tell her that's not appropriate, and you expect to be treated by her the way that you treat her. (I always told my skids, hey... I don't yell at you. Don't yell at me. To me, respect goes both ways. I won't treat them like shit, either.)
Being the step to a teen is never really easy. I have half raised my SD22, and love her like my own, and stepping when she was a teen was the rockiest part of our relationship.
But, hey, parenting teens is a challenge, bio included. (I currently have 3.)
No one is forcing you to pay
No one is forcing you to pay the bills and fund vacations. Your GF and her ex should be supporting the kids and funding their vacations, not you.
If you've reached the point where you're calling a child a bitch and want to punch her, maybe it's time for you to walk away from this relationship.
Just to to add that my
Just to to add that my partner and I don't get alone time as oldest refuses to go to her dad's.
This isn't about you. (You
This isn't about you. (You sound really jealous of SD.) Sorry. Your GF is a mother. She had these kids when you hooked up with her. My bios NEVER see their father. They are with DH and I 24/7/365. Simple. We can still have "alone time." We go out to dinner alone, have a date night, whatever. Life doesn't stop because you have kids. Trust me.
If you want to go out and have "alone time," plan a date. Get a babysitter (gasp!!) and go out.
i wish that were true. we
i wish that were true. we tired using day care and no one will take her more them once, my SD is that horrible. My life died when she moved in.
no im not jealous I just hate
no im not jealous I just hate her !
Because...
Because...
Okay, I agree with the basic
Okay, I agree with the basic spirit of what you're saying, but some things you've got to give this guy a break on. No, he is not more entitled to her mother, however, he IS a part of the family now and therefore the co-parent, regardless of step or otherwise.
I went into my situation with the idea that my partner's child was his responsibility to put limits on, make major decisions for/about, and any punishment necessary. I was going to be the "aunt" like figure that was supportive, nurturing, and provided guidance, but not in a parent-way. I very quickly found out that the minute the SK sees you coming, they are trying to figure out how to make sure they keep the power they have in the household and defer nothing to a second adult. It is important for the step-parent to assert their role as an adult in the household. It is his house, just as much as his wife's, and yes, he has every right to expect the children to act a certain way, within reason of course, we're not talking child abuse or boot camp style parenting.
Most SK's act out in all these ways to get attention, and again to keep whatever power they're afraid of losing in the household. It's important for the bio parent to be involved in being supportive to the child to help reduce those fears while the stepparent is ingratiating into the family. But, that doesn't mean he has to defer all these things to a child.
Most importantly, the two adults are the primary relationship in the house. Everything else being equal (the children are fed and sheltered, physically and emotional taken care of), that relationship NEEDS to be the prioirity to both of those adults. The relationship with bio and her children is important and can face challenges when a new parental figure is brought into the mix. But if the primary relationship isn't solid and healthy, no other relationship in that house will have a chance at being those things either.
That all being said, to the WUB guy's original post, there is no excuse to EVER call a CHILD a bitch. That is a term that is not even appropriate in 99.9999% situations in the universe, and Imelda Marcos is the only exception to that rule. I think most all of us SP's understand the utter frustration dealing with SK's, but that absolutely does not allow you to speak about a young woman that way, regardless of how horribly she may act. She is still the daughter of the woman you love, and while you don't have to love or even like the kid, have respect. If you can't at least start from a place of respect, you're gonna continue to have serious issues.
so her ex should pay for me
so her ex should pay for me and my step family to go on holiday lol that's a classic I'm sure he would go for that pnsl
No. You should pay for
No.
You should pay for YOU.
Your GF should pay for her and her kids.
Her ex should pay CS.
That wasn't that hard to figure out. Was it?
13 yr old girls are
13 yr old girls are terrifying....they really are.... Unfortunately, they can't help some of it. They are adjusting to hormones! Have you privately discussed with your partner what SD wants with the "alone time"? If it's to go buy tampons, SD might just be too embarrassed to discuss her period around you.
I was a single mom for almost 9 years before I began seriously dating DH. My DS (he's 11 now) had a difficult time "sharing" me. If SD has been "used to" spending a certain amount of "alone" time with her mom, SD is more than likely resentful of you - hence the ignoring you and some of the respect issues. I would suggest making dates - once a week with your wife. Also, once a month do one-on-ones with each kid and each adult. It doesn't need to be anything big - even grocery shopping. Hopefully, this will help SD get some of the alone time with BM that she's needing without making the other kids feel left out.
Finally, I've gotten the "you're not my mom" tossed in my face exactly one time.... I told SD, "I know I'm not your mom, but right now I'm in charge and you will obey me just like you would a babysitter or your teacher or your grandparents." Just because you're not a bio parent doesn't mean that you should be afraid of disciplining your SD when she's breaking a family rule - like teasing the dog or her brother. I think it would go over easier if you phrased it like "SD, your mother has said not to tease the dog (or your brother). You know if you continue to do it, you'll loose TV time (or whatever punishment used in your family)." so that way you are more or less backing your DW up by enforcing her rules.
Agreed, good points. BTW, I
Agreed, good points.
BTW, I HATE the teasing the dog thing, WTF is that?! Is this a universal thing kids do to piss us off? We adopted two humane society puppies, and the SK went on and on about how he wanted a dog (he apparently was tired of torturing the cats). Two sweet little puppy girls, they are full of energy and love running around with the 7 yr old, but then, when he thinks no one is looking (because I catch him looking around to see if he'll get caught, the little brat!), he does things like hold them down, push them over, hangs them upside down, and stupid mean things like that. After a million times of "stop it" and explaining why we need to be gentle with the dogs, why being mean to them is wrong, etc., I am almost hoping he gets scratched or snapped at one or two good times so he learns to stop being such a jerk.
wub901, My DD11 needs more
wub901,
My DD11 needs more alone time with me now than she has since she was about 3 or 4, and I expect this trend will continue on for a few more years until she decides she's too cool to be seen with mom. There's a lot more going on in a pre-teen/teen girl's head than you think. I agree that rude behavior should not be tolerated, but alone time with mom is to be expected at this age.
SD does sound like an
SD does sound like an obnoxious brat. Some people are just miserable human beings. They were usually horrible as children too although at 13 is is quickly outgrowing the "child" years.
Just mentally tell her to fuck off - but verbally use age appropriate language. You do not have to kiss her ass, but you don't have to parent her either.
In my relationship with .. SD
In my relationship with .. SD / Dh .. I always paid for my family / and i paid fo His daughter and him.. He was paying child support and really couldn't afford things. He had his own apt. Etc... But as our life has changed .. now we split everything / The good thing is His daughter is at college and my children are grown .. I get upset because His daughter is allowed to ignore me / What ever she wants .. So i have taken myself out of the relm .. I take care of me /We just paid for car repairs for my /her car ... Which i gave her .. Never have i ever got a thank you . And i dont' know if he even got one .. So the Moral of my story is .. That you can't control anyone except yourself .. And Everyone's Perceptions is Different .. Dont' let this control your life Which it did mine ... Just take care of your own .. Peace
Ok so sd13s father has a
Ok so sd13s father has a girlfriend he sees his kids every Tue and weds and alt weekends now his girlfriend is there every tues and every weekend so sd13 is getting alone time with daddy .
the oldest won't go as she can see her dad's a prick who favors sd13 all the time an example of this would be how sd13 broke ss10s train set but didn't get the blame from her father!
regarding holidays your saying I should pay from myself and my daughter and my partner should pay for herself and her kid's ?
what's the point in being together if we pay separate for things ?
so I'm jealous = no
I hate her = a bit yes
because = she is treating her mum like shit and making everyone miserable in the house .
I'm selfish = maybe that's why I got her a tablet for Xmas fixed her laptop and buy her what she likes to eat when we go shopping ?
At 13 she does need one on
At 13 she does need one on one time with her mom. Your SD is at the age where she is going to be selfish. That is why it is important that she gets the time with her mom. She is going through changes both mental and physical. If you fight it, you will lose trying. I would suggest that you encourage their time and do something you enjoy doing during their outings. With my SD, I have accepted that she hates me and wants me gone. When she is nasty towards me, her dad will put her in her place too. Maybe your DW will have your back more if you give them space in return??
You don't have to put up with SD being disrespectful in your home but it should be her mom that does the punishing. Like the advice above, you can call her on it.
well, I have a SD8 who is
well, I have a SD8 who is unrespectful, ignores me, does not respond to me or make visual contact. At the beggining we thought it was something psychological, but it was not, only jealous. So I do undertand your point.
About discipline you need to get support from your partner, if you want her to respect you, you need to stand up and set up boundaries for your home (home rules for everyone), as she shares a lot of time with you and spends weekends in your house.
Try to talk to your partner explain the situation, how you feel.
About the time with her mother, let them go away and have a good time! They need "space" and girl talk
Both of mine (boy and girl)
Both of mine (boy and girl) wanted - and needed - one-on-one time with me and their Dad. It's actually quite normal.
I'd suggest you talk to Mom about the kiddo's attitude. Though a lot of teens have one. Except you... I'm sure you were a perfect little gentleman.