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Monday Trifecta

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I have been home barely a half hour from work. Here is what I see when I get home.
1) Kitchen sink with crap and what looks like dried paint all on the sides of it.
2) Collection notice in DH's name from the library for $44.
3) Baking soda put on the carpet in my bedroom right at my bedpost to absorb dog pee.

WHO, praytell, could have done any or all of these things? Anyone in my world that has "STEP" in front of their name!!

1) OSD19 drove 45 minutes home from school today to sand something in the garage. She left the card table out and didn't bother wiping it down. She left her mark in the kitchen sink. If she was sanding, she was probably painting, too, and it looks like she rinsed her brushes in my sink and left crud all over it. I told DH about these things and he said SD19 didn't know how to fold up the card table? Well, just do the OPPOSITE of what you did when you unfolded it, or goodness! Maybe TRY a little HARDER next time to put it away? You're going to be 20 soon! And FFS, leave things the way you found them!! I told DH that this is a perfect example of SD19 not cleaning up after herself! Rinse out the fucking sink. None of us leaves the sink like that except for SD19. I also told SD13 NOT to clean the sink, I wanted DH to see it when he got home.

2) I asked YSD13 if she had any library books out and she said she went to the library 2 months ago. I told her to go up to her room NOW and bring the book down. "Um, it's at school. I'll get it tomorrow." WTF is it doing at school, you morn skid? I further read the letter in DH's name and the library still collects the $44 late fee, even if you bring the book back. DH immediately thought HE had a book out that he had forgot to return. That's when I told him that SD13 said she had one in her locker at school. I asked if he had been getting emails from the library about any items being past-due? His inbox is full f crap that he probably missed. A late fee of $44? Sure glad I transferred more money into my account this weekend.

3) MY PERSONAL FAVORITE is the dog pee on my carpet that is doused in about a cup of baking soda by DH, because he thinks it will magically clean up everything. He thinks "ONE" of the dogs "must have peed there." Um, DH, it's up AGAINST the bedpost. WHO marks in this house? WHO doesn't wear a diaper when they are in our room at night sleeping, only because we have the doors shut to keep everyone in our room? It's fricking SDog!! Not "ONE" of the dogs!! I told him the females couldn't possibly aim that close. Furthermore, my large male sleeps on the floor by the bedposts, so this is little Napoleon SDog trying to show his stuff again by pissing on my fucking bedpost where the other male sleeps!! I told DH that our dining room is ruined (wood floor) from SDog peeing in there dozens of times last year, but there was no way in hell I would tolerate SDog in our room without a diaper on. I actually felt bad for the stupid little fuck, so we would take his diaper off at night so he could air out. Now he goes and pisses in my bedroom!! His latest thing is to crawl UNDER my bed and get up by the headboard, right in the middle, so I can hear him breathing. No fucking way is he going under there with a diaper on!

I told DH that I thought it would be a great idea to teach SD13 some responsibility and let SDog sleep in her room every night. She could let him out in the morning, she could feed him, she could be with him 24/7 and keep an eye on him. She knows to change his diaper at dinnertime and let him out to pee. DH's first reply was, "Oh noooo, I don't think that's the best idea......" I told DH I was pretty damn tolerant of all of the filth in my house thus far that no one cleans up, but I was NOT having a pissing dog in my bedroom! He went on to say that ALL of the dogs have peed in there at one time or another. I told him the females have had accidents before because they HAD to go. None of them was BLATANTLY MARKING up against a pole, much like SDOG did in my dining room all last year!!! I told him either SD13 keeps SDog in her room, or SDog gets put in a crate every night, or it has a diaper on 24/7 (which is still pretty nasty, IMO.) Or I leave him in a bag on the train tracks...... Damnit all!! I am MAD!

Then DH sarcastically says he's going to pack and move out because he can't stand the nagging. I told him I wasn't nagging, I was merely reporting back to him what I got to see in the first few minutes that I arrived home. I was actually quite calm and nicely reported everything to him, to let him know. See a pattern here, DH? All three OF YOUR "PEOPLE" have fucked up and have been irresponsible, in varying degrees! DO something about it! Then he sends me a text about negativity and how men don't do well with it. Actually sent me a screenshot from a web article. It said that men like to "FIX" things. So, I wrote back...."Can you please fix my dirty sink, pay the large library fine and get the PEE off of my bedroom floor? Ahhhhhhh. Thanks I feel much better already." DH replied, "I knew you would."

WHY can't these morons be responsible? Just fuck me sideways already. :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: SO FRUSTRATED WITH THE IRRESPONSIBILITY!!

~ Moon

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Are we married to twins separated at birth, Moon? I have to wonder sometimes when I read your posts!! DH does that kind of crap all the time...sending me links HE THINKS will fix the problems in our marriage! None of the stuff he ever sent addresses the main problem...the fact HHB has his balls in her pocket half the time! He has even tried the whole "I'm a fixer" thing. Really? You want to fix things and want to feel needed? Then, why won't you touch anything that you can see needs fixing or done without me getting to the point of being upset about it! When I finally get tired of something being broken, and I go to fix it myself, THEN DH gets up off his couch to do it!! He says I never let him help me do anything. Today, I walked past him with a basket full of HIS laundry...I kept pausing looking at him to give him the hint to come help me put it away. I had just gotten back from job 2 at the gym (and getting my own workout in), and it was nearly 9 pm. He looked right at me, and ignored me! He just sat on his couch while I put away his clothes!

Think this crap is the root of their parenting problems! It's like they enjoy living in the stereotypical "dumb man" mode, but then complain that we are always nagging and we don't give them any credit for anything.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I need to send him a screenshot of a Disney Dad article!! LOL Blum 3

dood's picture

I hate to say it, Moon, but I agree...

I would have said, "You're probably right, you should move out". I hate to know you're going through all this crap, but maybe it's going to take something like that for him to realize what you've been trying to say to him and he'll have some revelations. It seems that it will take something that abrupt to change things...

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I told him to leave on Easter Sunday for the first time, it's in my other blog. He said he didn't think this was going to work and I replied, "Then why don't you leave?" He boasted about how much money he put down on the house and said he wasn't leaving. I told DH I wasn't leaving my dogs.

So that was that. LOL

Rags's picture

"If men like to fix things then obviously I did not marry one. A MAN would fix the nasty messy kid problem, a man would fix the nasty pissing pet problem, a man would fix the behavioral issues in his kids, and a man would fix the shitty non parenting behavioral problem in himself. SO PLEASE BE A MAN ALREADY!!!!"

Just my suggestion for a reply.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I keep being too gentle with DH, trying to avoid a total meltdown on my part. He came home last night acting like an ass, and I commented that he was fine on the phone when he called on his way home (after my initial call to him about StepHell). I just can't get through to him. Turns out he had a cold sore on the inside of his lip and was super grumpy about it. Awwwww......

This morning I asked him if he could rinse out the crud from the kitchen sink and he gave me a smart remark. I also asked if SD19 was painting yesterday? He said she was and I told him to please ask her to use the utility sink in the basement to rinse her brushes in the future. Over winter break she crudded up her bathroom sink with blue paint (not my problem) and got blue paint all over the white hand towel in her bathroom. DH even defended her saying it was probably an accident?! :O I threw the white towel on her bed the first week of February after she went back to the dorms. I haven't seen it since.

Funny side note, after my weekend at the hotel when SD19 and Hedgy stopped by during spring break, there were no clean towels for her to use after her shower. She actually took a 15yo beach towel from the linen closet that we use to dry the dogs with or put on the floors when it snows! She bunched it up and hung it over the towel bar in her bathroom, so I chucked that on her bed last week, too. SD19 is getting quite the collection of old messed-up towels. PERFECT for her.

I went downstairs this morning and there is SD13, who I usually don't see in the morning. She was downstairs at 5:15am, two hours before the school bus comes by. She showered last night but was wearing the same black t-shirt and black shorts that she had on yesterday when she was playing outside. She is beyond awkward. She doesn't take care of herself for shit. She has the mind of a 6 or 7yo. I asked if she had filled the dog bowl in the basement last night because she had offered to. "Uhhhh.....no, I can do that right now."

So I thanked her and went out to go to work. DH texted me 10 minutes later commenting that he didn't get a kiss or a hug or a goodbye. I have never done that before, just leave without saying anything. He was in the shower and I had had it with his attitude, so he can suck it.

BTW, thank you all for your responses. Tog, I think you said it well with regards to keeping it simple. DH actually put a diaper on SDog last night before he stayed in our room! Biggrin

~ Moon

dood's picture

Is there any chance that your DH would go to counseling? From your posts it seems that you guys are dealing/arguing on incidents (the dog, the HH, the showers, etc) and don't get to the point of the deep dive into the catalyst issues. Just thinkin' out loud...

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I have never asked, he commented once before that it didn't work with BM. I commented that I wasn't her. A week ago he commented that SD13's therapist wanted me in on the next session. I feel a gang-up coming on. Everyone sides with the stupid skid because that's just what they are. My problem isn't with SD13 wanting to be a boy, it's with her lack of responsibility and hygiene, self-awareness. THAT all trickles back to DH because I am DONE.

Truth of the matter is, he needs to step up for his kids, be responsible and PARENT. I don't give a flying yoohoo if he's been at work all day. So have I! }:)

~ Moon

dood's picture

Well that's not exactly what I was talking about... For the 'immediate' leave the skids out of the session.. I was suggesting that you two go alone - no one ganging up on anyone. Marriage counseling. Obviously these skids have some seriously deep rooted issues, and I know that their BM passed away, right? We read all over this site what the guilt of a failed marriage does to a lot of DH's and their subsequent "parenting styles" (hm.). I'm thinking that your DH has this to the enth degree, and then some. It seems that if this is going to have any type of happy ending, your marriage is key... not the skids first, your marriage first hence the marriage counseling thinking.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Thanks, dood. I agree, marriage counseling would help. DH constantly bashes me for being frustrated and negative (which isn't that often, as I hold it all in, unhealthy...), but....I am frustrated with him not stepping up. These kids are losing out, by way of DH. I know I shouldn't care and I am really starting not to, but it has an impact on me because it's all under my roof.

DH has no time for anything. Super unorganized because every waking minute he is on the internet or watching sports. That is the root of his problem. He can't let it go.

~ Moon

Monchichi's picture

Bark, I think a good chunk of women are married or life partners with men who cannot see further than their computers, sport and series/ movies. Some days I would like to take a baseball bat and smash the computer and adsl router in to smitherines as life is happening while my other half's head is firmly ensconced in crap. My SO cannot contact SS's therapist or neurologist but HOLY COW when it's fantasy football time he can remember daily schedules and team pick spreadsheets and weekly statistics he emails out to his buddies.

dood's picture

... it's hard not to care (even though I know what you mean) when you're an intelligent woman, watching a train wreck in progress, and yeah, who needs to live in that environment.

He needs to get his head out of his ass. This tit for tat back and forth is just further eroding the relationship - if you're truly finished, then that's fine. If you're not sure, he needs help FIRST...

Rags's picture

Counseling certainly improved the relationship between my XW and I. At least until we started delving into the lack of intimacy in our marriage which cut a bit too close to the marrow of her then not yet discovered serial infidelity. After she stormed out of our firs session dealing with lack of sex in our marriage with a "I don't have a problem with sex!!!" is when I started getting a lot out of counseling on a personal level.

3 more months of counseling between only me and the therapist set me up for an amazing re-engagement in my life as the Rags I enjoyed being.

Even if DH does not go, you should go. You may find that it helps you stay in touch with you and equips you to deal with all of the ball-less DH and toxic Skid issues.

Take care of you.

misSTEP's picture

Men do like to fix things...except their effed up kids!

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

DH continued texting little things to me this morning, being quite sweet. I didn't answer until this afternoon. It was nice just to put him on hold and concentrate on my work. I did reach out to a therapist nearby to see if she was available. I also looked for a bunch more down near work where there are a ton of them. We'll see how that goes.

DH is on his way home. He texted that he was going to be a "better person" tonight. I told him I would like that. So, we'll see.

He still didn't clean out the sink, so he can make dinner. }:)

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Thanks, the therapist wrote back. She is going on maternity leave next week. I gathered that as I saw her registry when I googled her. I have another list of therapists that I am going to look into today.