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Holiday Letters from Adult Step-kids

cpreston's picture

We get lots of letters with Christmas cards every year. I like most of them. It’s nice to read about the events and triumphs of friends and family…

but I hate the ones my step-daughter (30 y.o) sends out.

She sends them out three or four times a year. I don’t mind that she keeps her family updated on what her and her boyfriend are up to:
She’s a marathon runner, and has a goal to run in every state in the US, he’s getting ready to retire from the military and is taking college courses, getting ready for a new job… they do some fun stuff together, winery tours, horse back riding, going to old mansions, concerts…

I do not like that she includes information about what my husband and I have done (concerts, trips to Vegas, etc…) and how GREAT her brother/g/f and baby are… (sure, great, he’s 26 years old, unmarried with a baby with a 20 year old girl who works one day a week and they live under our roof!)

I want to tell her to stick to talking about herself… but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

I get along REALLY well with my SD, I know that she’s sugar coating the situation with her brother, because I’m sure it’s an embarrassment to her if the family knew what a LOAD that he and his girlfriend were… but I really don’t need for my husbands’ ex-in-laws to know our coming’s and goings… I don’t need my husband ex-wife to know either!

Not-the-mom's picture

I see no reason you can't tell her to stop telling people your business!

Why does she feel it is her place to do so?

So what if you "hurt her feelings" she needs to understand that she is crossing the line when she is telling others about your personal business in her letters.

My DH's niece does the same thing when it comes to sending out photographs and "updates" to people several times a year about her three kids. Now they are even including photographs of the DOG!

She never asks us how we are doing.

hippiegirl's picture

I'm sorry about you getting shafted with SS, GF, and their kid. That sucks. Luckily, I dodged that same bullet about a year ago. My SS24 asked if his prego GF could move in with us while they "look for jobs" dh was actually going to consider it!!!! WTF? I told him "if she moves in, I'm moving out". It's bad enough we're already supporting one worthless, lazy adult. She moves in, it will be 2. What if they do not get jobs & a place by the time the baby comes? Then what? We're supporting 3 extra goddamned people! Sorry for point is get those freeloaders out of your house & reclaim it or you will go insane. As for SD, just be tactful, she sounds reasonable enough. Smile

cpreston's picture

@hippiegirl, she is reasonable... she's been my My ally in this whole situation with my SS and his girlfriend living with us. She tells her father every opportunity that she can that she thinks it is time for them to go.

She told him
“I have the same mother, I lost the same brother, I had the same experiences that he did… I haven’t used any of those things in my life as an excuse for any of my failures. You are doing him no favors by allowing him to stay at home and supporting him and “Suzy”, you’re doing more harm than good, by always rescuing him. He’ll never learn how to be a self-sufficient responsible human being if you keep allowing him to live like a teenager!

(love that girl)

I did mention to her this past weekend, that I was a little uncomfortable with her sharing details about trips that her Dad and I take in her family newsletters… she understood and didn’t seem to have any hurt feelings. Mine and my husbands families know what we’re up to. We’re a pretty close bunch… the only people that this info would be news to, would be his ex-wife’s family… and it’s not their business.

Miss-Step's picture

Tell her you love receiving the letters and hearing about her life and adventures, but please don't include yours and your husband's information. That you prefer to keep yours and your husband's life private and that you don't feel that everyone needs to know your personal business. She's may be sweet, but she is an idiot. Kids will overstep their boundries if you don't tell them not to. She has overstepped hers! If my SD did that, I would be on the phone at once to tell her to stop. Be prepared for her to take offense...

cpreston's picture

Miss-Step, she really didn't seem to take offense and I don't believe that she had any ill-will or malintention by including us in her letters.

If anything, she probably thinks it's an 'acknowledgement' previous letters which talked about "family" vacations didn't mention me or my daughters, my husband said something to her about it and she probably just let the pendulum swing in the opposite direction. (we go to the beach as one 'big happy family' every summer for a week)