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Attenion seeking conceited sd16.... ugh!

just.his.wife's picture

Maybe this is just a new phase for teenagers brought on by instagram and all the selfies kids take of themselves. But it is driving me nuts.

Skid3 recently started a new habit. Exclaiming to the world how hot/pretty/good looking she is. She will post pictures of herself to her friends on instagram of a new hair style, funny faces, attempts to look sexy/sultry and literally spend the next several hours telling me how many likes she got.

I recall being a teenager and always feeling concerned about my looks, (as in do I look ok, does my hair look alright, oh god I have a zit). My daughter and SD18 (almost 19!) are both exceptionally good looking girls, who had the same normal self confidence issues. Worried about their hair, acne, was their nose too big, do my ears stick out too far etc etc. My daughter had modeling agencies chasing after her from age 8 up… SD18 can literally stop traffic, I have seen it happen. I am literally talking two young women that if we are all going out… and they dress up… I don’t bother, there is no competing and I am not exactly ugly/plain.

Skid3? Nope. This kid is utterly conceited.
She will take 100 pictures of herself a day, post a few to her instagram account and spend the day telling her father and I how many likes she got. And she will get upset if a picture she likes does not get as many likes as another picture she took that was not as good.

She has advised any and all who will listen “I look hot”. (Yes, I have started calling her Paris due to the over use of the word hot. I’m hot, that’s hot, he’s hot, she’s hot. The only thing she doesn’t call hot is the one thing that deserves it: the weather!) “Daaaamn I look good today” is a saying I heard last night. After confiscating her phone for cursing (zero tolerance policy and as a bonus it is her only link to instagram so no selfies for 48 hours!)

Please do not misunderstand, skid3 is a cute kid. Cute. Short, chubby, acne prone but learning to hide it, pin up girl figure (DD chest, smaller waist, full hips), she has a pot belly due to her sugary snack habit and couch surfing tv habit. She has braces (she calls them her ‘grill’). She is overly loud and is an attention seeker that will act the ass just to get any form of attention she can. Despite being short she has a tendency to slouch which causes her stomach to bulge out and her boobs to damn near pop out of her shirt. It is not a matter of the shirts being low cut or too tight, the kid just—somehow she inherited my boobs via osmosis or something—and trust me, full coverage is near impossible unless one wears turtle necks. DH made her wear one of my turtle necks last night. Told her he was tired of seeing her tits they were gross.

Well that started an emotional melt down because per skid3, her boobs are ‘one of my best features’. And dad said her boobs were gross.

Hold the bus.

One: boobs aren’t a ‘feature’.
Two: any father better consider getting an eyeful of his daughters boobs gross. If not then HE is gross and needs a shrink! Stat!

I advised her last night she was conceited. That one did not go around telling everyone they were hot/good looking/pretty etc.
Reply: Why not? It’s the truth!
(I really wish I was kidding)

Me: Because conceited people are irritating as hell kiddo. No one wants to be around them.
Reply: Pfft I have lots of friends.

Me: Really? Where are they? You have a lot of people you talk to on facebook, instagram etc. But it’s pretty rare one of these ‘friends’ spends the night, or you spend the night at their house.
Reply: Dead silence

Me: Just trust me kid, stop telling the world how gorgeous you are and let them tell you.
Reply: Everyone tells me that all the time

Me: Grandparents, aunts, uncles and parents don’t count
Reply: I can show you hundreds of pictures on instagram where tons of people have told me how pretty I am.

Me: If your posting a picture and seeking compliments by asking “How do I look/do I look hot today” the replies your getting, aren’t sincere. You are getting told what you want to hear so your ‘friends’ don’t hurt your feelings by not validating you and replying. Because lord knows, if they don’t like and comment your pics… you won’t like and comment theirs. Then they won’t get to walk around town telling everyone how ‘hot’ they are.
Reply: So your saying they don’t mean it.

Me: I am saying it is not sincere. A sincere compliment if one you don’t have to fish for. If you are so insecure about your looks that you have to tell everyone how pretty you are and ask them if you are pretty to get the compliment it does not count. Every pic you post on instagram has a tag on it that goes along the idea of: do you like my hair style, isn’t it amazing? omg my eyes are so pretty aren’t they? Check this skirt out, it makes my legs look amazing doesn’t it?? Woah new jeans… check out the cakes! Loving how they look!
Reply: Well its all true and everyone says so. I think your just jealous because I don’t have any flaws.

Me: DH, go grab a box of Kleenex, it’s about to be needed. Kid, you have flaws and most are self inflicted.

Your eyebrows look like they have mange due to over plucking.
Your hair is fried due to over styling.
You wear those ridiculous huge earrings and your earlobes are getting stretched and starting to sag.
You walk around without a bra (wearing tanks tops under her shirt instead of an actual supportive bra) despite being warned that at your size you need all the support you can get. Due to not wearing a bra, your tits are turning into drain cloggers.
Due to wearing tank tops instead of bras, your boobs are getting stretch marks from sagging down.
You slouch and it makes your belly poke out, giving the appearance you are heavier than you actually are.
You eat junk food, which makes you chubby… something you admit… but still continue to do. Your dietary habits have given you stretch marks on your hips, stomach and thighs.
That same junk food is not helping your acne issue.
That acne could be helped if you washed your face… and didn’t immediately apply MORE makeup to the newly washed skin. Skin needs a chance to breath.
Makeup, especially when put on with a spatula, clogs pores causing acne.
You bite your nails, until they bleed. Then you bite your cuticles until they bleed. Both habits make your hands look horrible.

I know it sounds horrible. And yes, she did start to tear up. Please note every flaw I mentioned, she is doing to herself and CAN fix or at least reduce the effects of by stopping the bad habits. These are all habits DH, myself, grandparents and even her BM have tried and failed to stop her from doing. I would not ever be cruel enough to list out a flaw to her that the kid cannot do anything about (trust me, the kid has some WEIRD toes. Think E.T.)

DH was sitting there the whole time and when I was finished he spoke up. His comment was the biggest flaw he saw in her, was her undying need for attention. That she craved attention worse than a junkie craved their next fix.

DH went over a lot of the things with her last night but here are a few of her behaviors that he is talking about.

Anytime she walks into a room, she has to announce herself.
If there are people gathered, she has to be the center of attention and will use outrageous behavior to get it.
She cannot ever be quiet, if she isn’t talking, she is making noises.
She gets annoyed if others are talking and not allowing her to talk so she can be the center of attention.
If talking about herself does not get her attention, or whomever is talking is not giving UP the floor so she can talk about herself… she will start over reacting to what they are saying.
Over the top laughter, to include leg slapping or literally rolling on the floor.
It’s also the obvious fake laughter that is literally HAHAHAHAHAHA.
She has literally stood on her head to draw attention away from others.
She will start singing.
Suddenly bust out with: OMG I am Soooo bored!
Or even better: I farted! (yes believe it or not she is 16)

DH advised her that she was ‘high maintenance’. And keeping up with, satisfying her need for attention and compliments was exhausting and she was going to have a hard time finding a partner that had the energy or desire to satisfy it. His exact words were “If your dad gets tired of hearing you fish for compliments, and gets tired of having to tell you how cute, pretty etc etc you are… and those compliments become a chore: How is a husband going to feel? Let’s back that up a step, how is a boyfriend going to have enough stamina or energy to become a husband if he is worn out telling you how gorgeous you are. And those are the only words allowed out of his mouth on a regular basis because you won’t shut up long enough for him to say anything else.”

I was hoping that perhaps something we said to her last night got through to her.
Then it hit me this morning: She was seeking attention last night with her comment… and DH and I fed right into it. Granted it was negative attention, but she still got our undivided attention for awhile.



HungryEyes's picture

Good. For. You.

I like what you did. Normally, I would not be a fan of pointing out all of a child's physical flaws, but in this case - it was just the medicine she needed. Hopefully something sticks with her.

just.his.wife's picture

I truly do not believe this child has ever had a moment of insecurity regarding her looks in her life.

Shes been in counseling twice. Once to deal with her parents divorce and recently due to anxiety at school due to what seemed like 412 standardized tests she had to take to pass the year and be promoted. Never has a couselor mentioned her having insecurity issues. We are told instead that she is an 'extrovert who has a strong sense of self.'

The only thing I have ever heard this kid say she is not good at/did not excel at is Math.

She will however tell a friend with a new hair cut that its ugly.
She will diss another persons wardrobe faster than I can blink.
She has no hesitation to tell her brother he looks retarded to go change his clothes.

She is simply stuck on herself and thinks she is better than her friends/siblings and the kid really does believe she has no flaws.

fakemommy's picture

The actions you are describing are acts of insecurity, whether a counselor has pointed it out or not. Not everyone who is insecure talks down about themselves, a lot of times they NEED to tell everyone that they are great/pretty/smart/whatever. Talking bad about others and pointing out the flaws of others makes them feel that their flaws won't be found out if the negative attention is on someone else. Pointing out other peoples' flaws also make them feel better about their own flaws.

just.his.wife's picture

I would love to take a pole fitness class. Have yet to find a gym in my area that offers them though, trust me that I have looked for!

I do walk two miles a day. Sometimes skid3 will come along, other times she's on the couch watching reruns of cake boss and texting on her phone.

I would not mind finding a hobby/work out routine to do with the kid so she has a chance to work off a little weight/firm up a little. (while I take off the 20 pounds I want to get rid of and firm up ALOT) Understand she is not FAT, she is a little chubby. I don't think she is going to lose much weight off hips/thighs because with as large chested as she is, that weight is needed to balance her out otherwise she'd tip over and fall on her face.

She is short, as in a half an inch shy of five foot, with big boobs. That alone would make her look a little chubby but her donut stix habit and soda addiction are not helping.

The primary reason I don't think its insecurity, is she never asks.

There is no: does this outfit look ok? Does my hair look ok? Do these jeans make my butt look big?

She never asks if she looks alright or if something she is wearing looks ok. Her way of fishing for compliments comes in the way of commands.

"OMG look at my hair! It looks ah-maze-ing!! Admit it! Your Jealous! HA!"

"Oh yeah... red is sooo my color. Look, it makes my eyes even greener! Your not looking! You have to look so you can see it!"

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

It is the internet "look at me, look at me" mantra. You take a "selfie" and your 500 fake internet friends tell you how hot you are. The internet has really corrupted our youth.

PeanutandSons's picture

No, I think she means the people who update their profile picture constantly to get the selfies in and re-highlight the pictures of themselves.

whatwasithinkin's picture

SD14 got here Saturday from Saturday when she got here at 4pm til Saturday night at 11pm I heard 5 times how "fat" she was. SD17 doesnt have an ounce of fat on her. I and my girls both told her that is the last time we will respond to that statement if she makes that statement going forward at all in the next 5 weeks she will be ignored that we are not into pumping ego's for the insecure.

It is annoying...Im glad you spoke up a real women would do that at this point to "try" to give direction.

Hoping it did not fall on deaf ears