Help on how to deal with persistent ex-wife
Dear all - I'm new to this site so apologies if I'm asking the question everyone has probably asked and discussed previously :O
I would love to read any opinions/thoughts on this one: I have been with my husband for 7 years. I met him when he was separating, he was miserable with his ex, he used to cry because his life with her was so bad (she didn't allow him to take the kids to his parents etc). Since we got together she's made our life hell. Suddenly she made best friends with my mum-in-law when she used to hate her, it's taken me years to win her trust. She's turned all my husband's friends against him (even though they're childhood friends, she wasn't around when they met), she's poisoned the children's minds with lies about their Dad (they think he curses their mum, doesn't give them money, cheated on her, he's the bad cop when making rules etc) and of course says I'm a witch that took him away and because of me he wouldn't forgive her. I've only seen them once and I don't think we'll ever be close. Even my sister-in-law talks to her more than she talks to me (in fact I don't see her anymore for this reason) as this woman keeps caling everyone (friends, family), trying to see them and become close to them so they tell her things about us and making them all feel guilty playing the victim. My mum-in-law is scared to say no to anything in case she brainwashes the children against her (for example she now comes to visit and stays at my in-laws with her new boyfriend - is this normal???!!). I'm helping my family-in-law in many ways, economically and spiritually and all I get is them going to her and gossiping, I can understand my mum-in-law as it's for the kids but my sister-in-law?
My husband has had countless confrontations with her, sent her a trillion emails and said really rude things to her (after trying to be nice) but nothing works, with him she acts nice and plays victim, denies all but she just wants him to be miserable. Some people are starting to tell her to let go as she has a man now (and had another one before) but she won't, I worry specially about the kids (2) as IT TEARS ME APART to think they'll grow up to think the worst of their Dad when he's such a great person and does so much for them. Also I feel she's laughing at us when coming to stay with her man, gossiping with my sister in law and stealing our friends. My husband says ignore her 100 %, but I can't seem to let go either. It's driving me mad 
Please help :sick:
Thank you }:)
Thanks so much for replying.
Thanks so much for replying. I don't have an order or plan, my husband does see the children when he wants (they are in another country so he has to travel a lot) but they didn't want to see me until not long ago. They didn't come to our wedding. I suffer because he suffers.
I know she hates me because we have a better life than her in every sense so success is for sure the best revenge but I can't help feeling frustrated that her children are brainwashed every day and my husband is constantly having to deny her lies and explain to them (don't think they believe him) - we do everything to help them, for example with money, but then she spends it on something for her and tells them she has no money and their Dad gives her the minimum etc and it's really stupid to be sitting there trying to explain them their Mum is lying etc.
Also many things she tells them we don't even find out. Like my husband says it's the seeds she planted, like bad weeds it just keeps coming out and we can't take them all off as much as we try.
She says she needs advice from my husband for the childrens' upbringing but then ignores it and shows the kids emails they've exchanged (an email where my husbands suggests for example, taking the computer from the kid) so he looks like bad-cop. So even when he tries to help she uses it against him or for her own selfish needs.
I don't have kids with him yet but when I do, I won't like to go to my Mum-in-laws and find her there having dinner (they didn't even talk to each other before!! she's doing it on purpose so I don't have my space in the family!) with her boyfriend... but like I said everyone is scared of her.
Even this summer she foung out through facebook that I made friends with someone from where we live and as soon as they went there on holiday where she lives she contacted them to make friends with them, I feel like she wants to steal my life and isolate me.
I feel it's my ego and I should be the bigger person but it gets to me sometimes. I feel like she will always be there and it's a nightmare.
I will try to ignore the
I will try to ignore the negative, ignore her bullsxxxx and of course not give her a reaction - I think she always looked for a reaction from my husband more than me, we never talk, but mu husband always asks my opinion so really what he says/writes we think together... but even he says now that it's stupid to have this confrontations and conversations as she always does what she wants in the end and will always put the kids against him and tell lies, so it's not worth it, trying to explain things to her it's a waste of time, she pretends like she agrees and then does whatever and if you say something rude she goes mad and says all kinds of horrible things to family, friends and SDs so yes, maybe if we pretend like she doesn't exist she'll tire of this...
About the discipline indeed they live with her but she used to ask about what to do in certain situations, he told her etc but then she won't do as told (re. rules and measures etc) but tells SDs their Dad says this and that and she's good cop and he's bad cop.... irresponsible and childish.
Thanks for your replies and advice!!