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Drama, Drama, Drama

bjmoore17's picture

So okay...my bf's 14 yr old daughter is allowed to do anything she wants, go anywhere she wants with whomever she wants. He hates this. We both feel, as I'm sure most normal parents feel, that children need restrictions.
Her mother allows her to make her own decisions all the time. She is let go and has no rules to live by and it is going to come back and bite her in the a$$.
Yesterday, my bf gets a phone call while at work from his daughter telling him that she got her belly button pierced and sent him a text showing him the picture. He was so upset that he hung up on her. He feels that he should be consulted on things like this because, after all, he is her father and should be a part of making decisions concerning his children. He is NEVER consulted for anything. He got on the phone with her mother and told her that she should not be letting this child run wild like she does or she will be uncontrollable....soon. He is only allowed visitation every other weekend, so there's not much he can do when they do things with their mother. Last weekend was his weekend to get the kids (there are 2 younger, ages 8 & 6), but she took them on a weekend trip at the last minute, about an hour before he was supposed to pick them up. She actually sent him a text as they were crossing the state border letting him know that he wouldn't be able to get the kids this weekend.
Another thing...my bf's nephew saw the kids at the county fair with some strange man that he didn't know (he knows the maternal side of the kids family, so he would have known if it were someone related to them----we are white and the man she was walking with was black). Their mother was nowhere in sight. The two younger kids were by themselves and the oldest was with the strange man. When my bf's nephew told him this, he was so upset I thought he was going to punch a hole through the wall. We keep thinking that something is going to happen to the kids and its only a matter of time. We have seen the two younger kids alone at football games, just walking around, so we call out to them and have them sit with us and keep an eye on them. Their mother doesn't even know where they are and didn't bother to come find them the entire game.
The 8 yr old girl wears little shorts, similar to running shorts with no panties. She is always doing cartwheels and flips and stuff, normal for her age, but when she does these you can see up her shorts and it concerns me that some pedophile could be watching her when we are not around and she is alone in a crowd. I mentioned it to my bf and he didn't notice that she wasn't wearing panties, but I did and it shocked me. But, she's a kid and is always rushed from one sporting event to the other and probably didn't have time to dress properly, but still, it concerns me and it only takes like 5 seconds to put a pair of panties on.
Which leads me to my next thing...she probably didn't have any clean panties because the mother doesn't pay the utility bills. They are always telling us that the electricity has been turned off or they don't have any water. It's ridiculous.
This weekend is his weekend to get them since she took them out of town last weekend on his regularly scheduled visitation time. He told her to have all the kids at their meeting spot at 4:00 this Friday. The oldest never wants to come with her Dad because the mother makes her believe that dad is an awful person and she won't have any fun. She tells the younger ones that she will go home and cry if they go with their dad and might kill herself if they go. We know this because the youngest has told us what she says. He couldn't make that up...
Since she tries to keep the kids from him and is obviously not paying the utility bills and providing for them, what is his next step as far as court goes? He needs to do something or the kids are going to get hurt or be manipulated into hating him for the rest of their life. Read my other posts to get more insight as to what goes on in this household. It's ridiculous and I'm sure many of you have seen worse.

stepkate's picture

1. I'm going to play devil's advocate about the strange man at the county fair (maybe its the comment about his race, but whatever)...would it have been somehow better if he were white? The fact that he is described as a 'man' leads me to believe that the nephew thinks he is at least over 18-is this what he told you? From the tone of your post, I'm guessing you or the nephew suspected romantic involvement (even if only flirting) If so, yes, that can be disturbing considering the girl is 14...if you consider all the possibilities first. Though your nephew may know the relatives, there are endless possibilities of who this man could have been.

2. The 8 year-old should be wearing panties. Your concerns are valid there, whether BM has electricity or water or not. I'll read your other posts, but possible lack of clean water sounds very serious to me.

bjmoore17's picture

The only reason I mentioned he was black was to point out that we knew he was obviously not a relative. I didn't mean to sound racial because I am the least prejudice person you will probably ever meet. And no...it wouldn't have been better if he were white. It's just the fact that he was not someone we knew and he is an adult.
Now, the reason we are concerned about this strange man is because my bf's nephew said he looked like he was in his mid 20's and they were walking with each other like they were "together" and it really concerns us because she is so young and impressionable.
We read her Facebook page daily and she doesn't know this. She posted something on there about "can't wait to see you again, the other night was great, love the way you lay next to me and look into my eyes..." Needless to say, after hearing that she was with a man at the fair and now this post on her Facebook page, we are VERY worried.

Jsmom's picture

FYI - I just learned something about Facebook. If you look at her site, it keeps track. If she goes to some page and click on it, it can send her weekly updates of who is looking at her pages and gives the statistics. Be careful.

Jsmom's picture

Again

bjmoore17's picture

She doesn't mind if I look on it. We send messages back and forth, but I don't do it every day. Maybe once or twice a month. I'll take a look at that feature you talked about.

Jsmom's picture

Again

HaveHadIt's picture

That tracking stuff on Facebook is spam. There is no such application that keeps track of who looks at your page UNLESS they are your "friend". It will track your "friend's" activity on your FB page but not anyone elses. I made sure of that and even set up a fake FB account to be sure. Smile

Jsmom's picture

I know forgot to mention that, but if you are a friend and they have it on their page, it tells them. My SD14 uses it. I use my sons login to check on her and print the bad stuff she posts for the Custody case.

HaveHadIt's picture

Oh, okay. I just use my own account. BM doesn't have her privacy settings secured so I can read her wall (she has the brains of a piece of lint). I read an article last week that said attorney's love Facebook and almost 80% of their cases involve Facebook one way or another nowadays. Whether it be for divorce or custody, people post some really incriminating stuff on their pages that can be quite useful in court.

bjmoore17's picture

That's one of the reasons we check her page. We want to know what's going on with her and her siblings. Too bad the mom doesn't have one...

bjmoore17's picture

We're not really stalking her. That sounds creepy. We are merely trying to keep up with her. There was a girl at her middle school that killed herself last year and my bf's daughter has said some things in recent months that has alarmed us to believe she is having a hard time at school. We need to know if she is having trouble and talking to her friends about it. We are just concerned.
You are right, we considered that the man at the fair could be anyone she knows and we don't. But, she is 14 and impressionable and my bf is once again, concerned because he is out of the loop on just about everything.
Read some of my other posts. BM is not really raising the kids in my opinion, but I keep my 2 cents out of it and let my bf be the judge of that since they are his kids. She lets them do whatever they want. The kids pretty much run the house over there. They eat fast food every day. The 6 year old is 100 lbs. Its not healthy, but she won't listen.

bjmoore17's picture

It drives him crazy when they do things and he's not part of the decision. Really, since they are both their parents, I think the decisions should be shared, but they can't get along, hence the reason they are divorced and don't speak to each other. They communicate through the 14 year old.
I think something is going to eventually happen to the kids or their mother that will involve the police and then my bf will have to go get them in the middle of the night to save the day. We've discussed this and he says he is prepared for that and it won't shock him when it happens.

HaveHadIt's picture

Sounds like our situation. Nobody is speaking to each other. We know the lifestyle BM and her BF live and we, too, are just waiting for that call in the middle of the night.

spinknottle's picture

The next step is documenting any communication (e-mails, telephone calls [find out if you live in a state where a recorded telephone calls are admissable in court], pick-ups nad drop-offs)

Then file for more visitation or custody. Does your BF have joint legal, or is she in control of all legal decisions?

bjmoore17's picture

He has documented everything since the day he was forced out of the home by her. He was told to go to see a therapist about a week later and the therapist recommended writing things down to "let it all out". He documents when he calls them, when they don't answer, when they don't call back, when he sees them, when he is supposed to see them and they don't show up at the meeting spot.
I'm not sure about your joint legal question. But, I don't think he would let her have decision making all to herself. The woman is an idiot.
He actually has a text message conversation printed out that the ex was sending to him. It was awful and I'm glad he has it printed. He prints out conversations from his oldest, the 14 yr old. She also sends nasty texts telling him that she hates him and he never does anything for them. They wouldn't have a home to live in if he weren't still making the house payment. When the utilities get shut off, their mother blames it on my bf. She tells the kids that he is supposed to be paying the bills, but he's not ordered to pay the utility bills, just the house payment. Then they think he is an A-hole because they don't have running water.

spinknottle's picture

What I mean by joint legal is that there is legal custody and physical custody. The BM obviously has physical cause your BF only has them EOW (I think??).

You should go through his agreement with him with a fine tooth comb. Find out everything that she is doing that is against the agreement, you can file for an emergency hearing for contempt.

bjmoore17's picture

So, if we go through the divorce agreement and figure out everything that she is doing to be in contempt, would he be able to ask for a drug test to be administered to his ex? Just wondering because we know that she is abusing pain medications and has been since 1997. She used to work for a dentist and stole his rx pads and was writing her own scripts and signing the dentists name. For the dentist not to press charges, she had to go to rehab and complete the program. She continued to abuse drugs over the years and hid it from my bf when they were married. He worked a lot and she stayed home. Their 8 yr old daughter can barely see and has hearing problems too. Their 6 year old son cried all the time when he was a baby, vomited frquently and was hard to console (withdrawal symptoms). So far we haven't noticed any real developmental problems with them. She was put back into rehab in 2007 as part of a parenting plan with the divorce, but she continues to do drugs. We know this because we know the people she hangs with and they're pretty open about what they do. We don't want the kids subjected to this kind of living situation any longer. Why is this so hard to prove to the courts?

spinknottle's picture

You have to be careful, anything you can ask for she can also ask for -- ie drug teasting. Also, you don't want it to look like you're bad mouthing. If you have good proof, then go for it. But honestly , if you can't *prove* drug use, can you prove neglect??

bjmoore17's picture

It's fine if she orders a drug test on my bf. He has nothing to worry about and I don't either. I'll take a drug test any day, any time.
I'm not sure what would constitute "neglect". She's a horrible mother, but I seriously doubt it would be neglect in the courts eyes. She takes care of them, just not like I would. She neglects to let them see their father when it is his time, which could hold her in contempt. She doesn't keep the utility bills paid, therefore, the kids don't have running water or electricity half of the time. I'm sure there's soooo much more we don't know about, but it will all surface sooner than later.

gazzabicks's picture

Can a 14 year old just go off and have their belly button pierced or does it need parents consent ? If it does then you BF should have been consulted and not undermined.

We had the same situation and my wife went mad at her ex hubby and her daughter for not discussing it with her first

bjmoore17's picture

Her mother took her to have it done. Funny that the water is turned off in their home right now, but she has the money to get her daughters belly button pierced (priorities....) The younger kids are staying with their maternal grandmother (2 hours away) until the water is turned back on. Next week, she probably won't have electricity. It's an ongoing thing.

bjmoore17's picture

I think that's what its leaning to. We're going to have to do something. She is ruining the children and they need a better role model.

bjmoore17's picture

You guys have GOT to read my newest post. Its called BioMom and Little League Embezzlement.