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Should we care?

bjmoore17's picture

:? BioMom gets $1,000 each month in child support (3 kids), works as a clerk at a drug store chain, got $66,000 from my bf's 401k (she bought an Escalade with it), and he pays the house payment. The utilities are always being terminated at the house. The kids eat fast food EVERY DAY, several times a day. They are always smelly when we pick them up, like they haven't had a bath in a while. BioMom has been in and out of rehab for pain pill addiction and she never had anything wrong with her. It was her choice to do the drugs. She has custody because my bf works a lot and she doesn't. The judge said it was better for them to be in a home where the parent is home most of the time. But the kicker on that is that she leaves them home by themselves all the time so she can go do whatever it is she does. The oldest is 14 and "watches" the 8 and 6 year old. More or less, they stay home and fight with each other until she gets back because they call their dad and tell him, she did this, he did that and he has to try to settle fights over the phone. He wants to go get them, but its not his scheduled time and he knows she would say he "kidnapped" them. When really, he wouldn't mind keeping them at all if she has to work, but she runs around and he doesn't even know what the heck is going on.
The kids play every sport imaginable. Being involved in sports can be quite costly. Wouldn't you think that putting food on the table and providing water and electricity be more important than playing baseball? Not to her. The kids don't even want to play! They told us that they hate going to practice and spending their whole weekend playing sports. We never are able to keep them for the whole weekend because they always have something going on that she has to take them to. We never know if my bf will get called out to work. He is on call 24/7. I wouldn't mind taking them to something, but we both agreed to just let her do it so she won't throw another fit like she did before.
Anyway, my question is, should we really care that the utilities get cut off and the kids eat McDonald's every day and don't take showers? My bf wants to let her dig her own grave so the kids will see how she really is. He thinks that in three years, when he stops paying the house payment (per divorce agreement), she won't be able to afford a place to live and will hand the kids over to him. He also thinks that the 14 yr old will wise up to her mother's antics and want to come live with us and the two younger ones will follow suit.
Oh yeh, forgot to mention that my bf lives with his parents because the ex got the house and he pays out so much for it and the child support that he can't afford to have a home of his own. We rarely go out to dinner. I always cook at my house or his mother makes dinner. We never go anywhere or do anything. Mostly sit by the river at his parents and watch boats go by. He does have a used Harley that he bought as a divorce present to himself and we ride that a lot, but we don't do anything. We just take little rides and then go back home. Its quite boring. She took the kids to Gatlinberg, TN for 10 days. For those of you that don't know Gatlinberg, it is quite expensive. Everything you do costs money. You have to pay to get in everywhere you go. My family went one time and stayed for 2 days and we spend about $3,000 for 4 people. CRAZY!! She is also taking them to Disney World this summer for 10 days. Must be nice to be able to take vacations but can't pay the electric bill. Suggestions???

steptwins's picture

Sounds so familar, BM always has issues with money & my DH pays her extra behind my back (for the boys sake & its their mother he says. She doesn't work but goes on Bike Week trips a few times a year. Doesn't take the boys much but actually now we have sole custody w/supervised visits so I guess that what we want since she a drug addict. Her child support just ceased & she's P-i-s-s-e-d. Tonight twins have formal dance & I thought it would be great to go out while their gone. Not. BF prefers super quiet time at home. I never get any 1 on 1 w/him, excuse was always boys are here 24/7/365 & they are playing/busy so we can't go out. Just told me, playing golf all day Sunday. Every weekend the same thing: playing golf all day Sunday. I complain a bit & suggest Satur. we should all do something but never happens. I feel very neglected too. Last thing I want to do is stay home and have sex with him.

jojo68's picture

I do payroll/HR where I work and I see so many of these poor guys who barely get by because thy pay sooooo much child support. Their baby momma's don't work...get assistance from the state and live high on the hog. Crazy stuff...I feel for you. I guess I have never figured it out...I'm a BM and I never got any CS (over $25,000 in arrears)and he just does his thing...gets paid under the table and no worries. Actually as long as he doesn't bother me, I don't care. I took on the responsibility to raise my son and I do it by myself. Would be nice to have extra money though Smile