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BF's 14 yr old daughter is a little brat

bjmoore17's picture

My bf's 14 yr old daughter is such a brat but it's not entirely her fault. Her mother puts things in her head about me and she repeats it to her father. She has said that I am a bad mother and I don't have anything to do with my son. I don't know why they say horrible things about me because I have never spoken to her mother and I have been nothing but good to his children. I took pictures of this girls middle school prom and put them together as a digital album and sent them to her. I also picked up an Ed Hardy Tshirt for her just because I thought she would like it and she did. She was so excited to get that shirt and thanked me several times. We used to pal around at ball games and laugh and joke about everything.
My bf has decided to take their mother back to court again. He has had her in court several times trying to get custody of the children. Their mother is addicted to pain medication through her own fault. She was never prescribed them by a physician. She also leaves the children at home alone while she does whatever it is she does. She also doesn't pay the utility bills and they are constantly without electricity and water. She is currently driving on a suspended license. She has allowed their 14 yr old daughter to drive her vehicle with friends late at night. She is not old enough to have a driver's license. The ex also embezzled money from the kids little league and was arrested. This is only the tip of the iceberg. She is really a piece of work and my bf thinks his children will be better off with him, as do I.
The rude and nasty comments started after the ex was served her papers to appear in court. I plan on going to court with my bf this Thursday for support. I helped my bf discover evidence against his ex. I have a legal degree and I love him, so I will help him anyway that I can.
I have talked with my bf about how his daughter acts towards me and he has spoken with her and told her that she doesn't know what she is talking about and she should get her facts straight before she mouths off about stuff. He takes up for me every time she bad mouths me because it makes him angry and he knows me. I have raised my son as a single mother since the day he was born. My parents help me when I have to work, but he's with me all the time and we have a wonderful life.
Even though my bf has told his daughter not to speak ill of me, she continues to say whatever she wants and none of it is true. I finally posted some information about myself on her Facebook wall. I feel like she is misinformed about me, so she needed me to clear things up. I told her a little bit about myself and my situation raising my son and how hard it is to raise children alone and help is needed. I also told her that if she felt like she needed to know something about me to just ask and I will tell her because I have nothing to hide. I wasn't mean or nasty like she and her mother are. I was just informative. I told my bf that I posted it and he was fine with it. He said she needs to hear it.
My question is, why did she suddenly turn on me and what am I supposed to do? I know she probably feels threatened and is loyal to her mother, no matter how much of a piece of crap her mother is. I also realize that she is confused and is very impressionable. I have let this go for a long time and finally broke today when I posted on her wall.

HadItUpToHere's picture

I completely feel your pain/sadness....I have been a stepmother to a 14yr old SD for over 8 years now, and all I can say is I had to search out this forum today before I did anything crazy like leave my husband of 8 years because trust me, no matter how hard you try, you'll never be good enough for them or their biomother....she is going to drive me to drink.
No matter how hard I have tried over the last 8 years, changing the dirty diapers, wiping snotty noses, cleaning up puke when they are sick, feeding them, clothing them, driving them around like a taxi cab, the thing is the bio mom has been feeding them nasty lies for the last 5 years, and I'll never in their eyes be an equal to their mother....just when we though things were all calm and back to normal and we were happy, "SURPRISE!!" SD starts wedging that wedge even deeper between biomom and I, and here we go again....

I am sorry for all you are feeling, believe me, all I can say is keep working on it, and NEVER say a bad thing about their mom...I never have, but it still am the wicked witch of faery tale lore..
No matter how many issues their mom has, she is the good one, and I the bad....
Thank goodness for forums like this, where I can vent, but especially so I can see that I am not alone....

bjmoore17's picture

I have decided not to say anything at all. I'm just going to leave everything alone and not care about it. My bf knows how they are and he thinks I'm better off just pretending they don't exist. I let him deal with the mother and his daughter and live my life. Is there some rule that says I have to be all buddied up with his daughter? I've never heard of one.
I do things with his two younger kids and they're okay, not the best behavior, but its not their fault. I'm sure their mother will turn them against me just like she has their sister. I don't know how it will end up, but I love this man and I don't know how I can continue to be with him if his kids hate me (for no reason). My aunt told me to continue to be myself and when they get older, they will realize that I've never done anything to them and they were the one's that acted awful.

new2thisteenthing's picture

It isn't personal. She is 14 and dealing with neglect. I had a tough time for about 3-4 weeks with sd and last week it was pretty good and tomorrow she is coming over for the weekend and it is her BD. We will see...

Someone told me that as I treat her well it makes her aware of her mom's lack of attention. One reaction, even subconsciously,is to find things wrong with me so she can feel better about her mom.

When it is too much, I take myself away from the situation. You can also let her know that you want respect. Kids like rules and structure even when they protest and it sounds like she doesn't have that with BM.

Hope your situation improves.