What can I do about this situation? - Long
I'm not sure if anyone knows how I am feeling here, but as divorced parents, somebody may be able to relate...
My ex and I have been divorced since 2000, and yet he is still bitter and mean! For the last 8 years, he's been a pretty big deadbeat. His child support payments are very sporadic because he's hopping from job to job. He hasn't filed his taxes in a few years either, because he doesn't want the money to go to me. That in itself has been greatly frustrating, but what I don't get is why he has to be so mean to me?!? I have no idea where he is coming from, as everything he says is a lie - and I mean everything! It's like I'm talking to a maniac! (the guy doesn't even have a substance abuse problem). I've always allowed my children to see him, and yet he never even tries. He saw his kids (3 kids - 15, 13, and 10) once so far this year - this past Easter. He picked them up for a couple hours. The time before that was Christmas. In between this, there have been no phone calls, no contact. Not even a birthday call or card or anything! When he quits his job, that is when I usually try to make contact with him (honestly, I'm to the point where all I want from him is the CS), and I'm not going to let him get away with not taking care of his responsibilities! It's hard to raise my kids without his support! On top of the huge lack of communication, when I do ever get a hold of him, he is mean as a snake!
My two older kids are pretty much over him, but my 10-year-old is still holding out hope for a relationship with his father. I have never tried to stop that. So, he asked me if he could call him to see if he could go out to lunch. I was almost certain he would not answer the call, because we had been trying to make contact with him for weeks, and he would never answer. Low and behold, he answered the phone, and his son asked him to take him to lunch. He said he couldn't do that, but he could pick him up and take him over to his place (his place being his new wife's parents' house - what a story! This family will actually support their adult daughter, her deadbeat husband, and their new baby! Neither one of them will work!) So, they set a time - 10:00 a.m.
Here's where the story goes from here:
10:00 Saturday rolls around, and my son is anxiously waiting at the window for his father to show up. There is no phone call, no contact, and he rolls on in at 11:00 a.m. This time, I was determined to speak to him (usually I just hide in the house when he picks up his kids) Here's how the conversation went:
Me: Thanks for being late.
Him: I said 10-11 a.m.
Me: No, you said 10
Him: I don't want to argue with you.
Me: Fine. Do you have a job yet? How about your taxes?
Him: Ya, I got a job and contacted friend of the court, and you ain't getting my taxes.
And you have a police report on you for harassment and trying to accuse me of doing drugs.
Me: What are you talking about?!?
Him: You'll find out.
I said a few nasty things as he walked away from me, I just couldn't help it. He speaks to me this way every time, and I only speak to him about twice a year! How is this harassment? And why won't he pick up the phone for his very own kids?!
Well, two of my kids went, and he kept them for a few hours. My youngest excitedly told me that his dad promised to pick him up next weekend so he could help clean the in-law's pond. He was that anxious to see his father again!
So, he called practically every day for assurance from his father that he would be picked up. His dad told him he would be there at noon.
Noon rolls around, nothing. About a half hour later, my son called him, and he said he was in a work meeting and would be another hour. Now I know this man is just trying to mess with me, and my 2 older children were anxious to go shopping with me as soon as their little brother was picked up. So, we wait another hour. Another hour and a half goes by, and I told my kids we would leave in 15 minutes - I have had it! Sure enough, 15 minutes later he calls to tell his son he was on his way and would be there in 35 minutes. It must have been about 10-15 minutes later when he called again, but this time I was on the phone, and he beeped through, so I was forced to answer. Here's how the conversation went:
Me: You can speak to me.
Him: Let me talk to son!
Me: You can speak to me.
this went on for a few then:
Him: I'm already halfway there so I'll be there earlier than I told son.
Me: Fine. Will you be here in 10 minutes?
Him: Do the math! What's half of 30? Can't you do simple math?
Me: Why do you have to be so mean? If you're not here in 10 minutes, I am leaving and taking son with me!
Him: Fine - you'll just ruin his weekend!
Me: I've have enough of your sh*t! You are a useless f**k!
I hung up.
I finally made the call, I told my kids we would wait exactly 10 minutes, then leave. My son, of course, was upset - but what else was I supposed to do? I am so tired of that man treating me this way! It's really hard to explain in words just how vicious he is and has been. He doesn't even try to be nice!
Anyway, after 10 minutes, I left. My son was in hysterics, he was very very upset! I remained calm and comforting towards him, and I tried to explain to him what I cannot explain to myself.
So then, as we are heading down the road, who pops up but DAD! I continued to drive and decided to go to a police station to - even now - let him have his son! He hung up on his own kids, then he tried to say he wasn't in the area and so it was too late "tell your psycho mother to stop harassing me!" What the heck is his problem?
Anyway, no contact since then, and my son calmed down, but he is still consumed with negative feelings for his dad. I was proud of him, however, when he decided he would rather go to church on Sunday morning instead of calling his dad to beg him to pick him up.
So, if you've gotten this far, you may be able to relate. Please explain your thoughts on this.