Why does it make me phyiscally ill?
I blew up at DH over skids this weekend. He is a great listener so he let me vent then a few hours later gently told me that he thinks that perhaps I should make an effort with the skids. Just small things like asking them about their day, taking them for an ice cream cone, etc. He says skids want to have a relationship with me.
Why am I SO against this? I can barely stand to have family dinner each night or shuttle them around for scouts and play dates and such. I feel like DH has a valid point and it is the right/moral thing to do. But I am so depressed by this. And I think it will always be a thorn in our marriage. Like sure DH loves me but if I was able to love the skids it would all be much more/better. I just feel completely depressed by the whole thing. Like I am the sole problem here and if I was just a little more loving there would be Disney songs all around.
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So why did you blow up about
So why did you blow up about skids? Are they disrespectful, lazy, incontinent what?
I feel no connection to skids whatsoever. If I never saw them again, it would not bother me in the least. If you don't like someone, you just don't like them. I have coworkers who seem to be liked by a lot of people yet I just don't feel the love. I wish people would realize that not EVERYONE is going to like their kids, not everyone is chomping at the bit to take time out of their day to spend with someone else's kid. And that doesn't make you a bad person! It makes you quite normal in my opinion
I blew up because DH took my
I blew up because DH took my kids out for breakfast and errands leaving me with the skids screaming at each other slamming doors and trashing the kitchen. You know, the every fucking day stuff. No boundaries, no disciple for years(DH is MUCH better about it now), the disrespectful mouths that never shut up, the inability to ever just DO whatever it is they were just told to do, constant messes, calling/texting BM every time they are 'upset' resulting in a siege from BM. She calls DH, our pastor, the cops, the school ranting and raving because her precious baby has been 'hurt'. boogers and shit on the walls, the top layer of paint and drywall has all been peeled off by their beds. No one uses toilet paper or brushes their teeth. Showering is iffy and rarely is there soap involved. Neither one can pass any class at school. None have any actual friends. Sometimes someone from church will try to include them in a play date or bday party. There are never any follow up invites and no one who has ever been to such a function accepts an invite from them. They just talk like assholes to everyone.
Oh my land woman! Why in the
Oh my land woman! Why in the world do you feel bad for NOT liking these monsters?? And you're DH thinks the magical elixir for all this is for you to take them out for ice cream with sprinkles??? Sounds to me like he needs to pull his head out of his ass and parent instead of blaming you. are you guys CP or BM?
Yep, not going to try
Yep, not going to try harder.
I'd tell him HELL NO!
Ok, I don't know your
Ok, I don't know your backstory but is there more. Or is it a convience issue? Do they rub you the wrong way?
I tried everything I could think of sweetie. I even taught his daughters how to shower. They hate my guts. They swear up and down they like me but do exactly what they know makes me upset.
So maybe you would be a little more giving if you weren't shuttling them around for scouts and playdates. Why isn't dh doing that?
I think you need to know what you want and how to reach a happy medium. It takes time and I'm not there yet. I am a mess, so I understand your desperation to find the answer.
It really depends on your situation but I doubt seriously you will hear disney songs.
I don't think you vented
I don't think you vented nearly enough. Look him dead in the eyes tell him:
"Why the fuck would I ever WANT to be around them? Hell even YOU avoid having to spend time with them! WTF makes you think I would want to make up for YOUR neglecting them? Next time, leave my well behaved kids at home with ME, and TAKE YOUR assholes with you. Until YOU learn to PARENT YOUR KIDS, and manage to turn them into people someone would WANT to spend time with, there will be no icecream, etc. Your kids are an STD buddy.. your stuck with them for life. I am not nursing your angry, weeping,puss filled, noxious lesions. You need to find a pill, potion, AND a therapist to fix what you have fucked up, because then and ONLY then will polite society EVER want to deal with those kids.
Your other half needs a nut punch for expecting you to deal with his kids when he won't. He takes your out in public and leaves his at home..why? Because yours behave and make HIM look good. Taking his own out is an embarrassment, easier to leave the assholes at home for you to have to deal with.
I would ask him why he took
I would ask him why he took your kids out and left his kids at home with you. And then tell him when his children behave like people instead of little Lord of the Flies extras THEN you can possibly relate to them. Until then you have nothing in common with them. And he may NOT take your lkids in future leaving his behind. BEcause quite frankly you suspect his kids were 'hurt' by the 'rejection'.
Although the time has come to come down hard on the brats. Tell them they are NOT to slam doors EVER again. The next time it happens you will re-slam the door with their fingers in it. Now dear little children go text THAT to your mother!
I must be old and grouchy because I would have tossed the kids outside and locked them out then called DH to tell him what I had done.