Finally DH has had enough
Back story: SS12 is/was the middle child. BM still cuddles OSS18 on her lap and baby talks him. She is alllllllllllll about OSS. YSS 10 is and total attention hog. Always dancing, singing, asking questions, and NEVER shuts up. So BM gives YSS lots of praise and such. She recently spent $400 on a gift for YSS(which we sent back) and then sent MSS a box of Axe stuff from walmart.com grand total of $9.44. BM blows MSS off a lot. YSS will be on the phone with BM for 2 hours, MSS maybe 10 minutes. So for sure MSS is screwed up.
Problem is, in an effort to be more like BM so she will love/like/want him he has decided that her victimhood is the choice for getting love/attention/friends/etc. BM makes a HUGE deal about how everyone is out to get her, no one will ever help her, she is about to die, etc etc. She (supposedly) can't ever get any help from any agency/church/etc because the moment she walks in someone hates her and refuses to help her.
So. MSS for about the last year has sulked and moped and cried his way through life. He can't eat dinner because he had a HORRIBLE day at school, he must be picked up early because his eye/leg/hand hurts SO much. He can't ride his bike out and about because 2 years ago he had a bad crash, he can't make his lunch because no one wants him around.
DH has tried to give him more attention when he isn't doing those things. Then he moved on to just giving in to victimhood. Then he started addressing it directly. I am sorry you had a bad day but that does not mean no one wants you around. Make your lunch. I'm sorry but you have to stay at the table and have dinner. If you want to talk about it after dinner I will come to your room. And DH started telling him directly that no one likes this kind of behavior. Not teachers, not his peers, not people at church, and not he and I.
Yesterday SS12 comes to our door and starts going on and on about how he needs alone time and we have to honor his request because he honors out alone time. Now this is right after hubby gets home from work. He always takes time to change gears before any family stuff. So I am making dinner and DH was not going to go seek him out. Which of course means SS12 is looking for someone to ask why he needs alone time. DH was DONE. Said no one is trying to do anything with you, you are having alone time!
SS12 now starts sobbing and runs off. Comes to dinner but mopes and carries on with his head on the table and can barely eat anything because he had such a rough day at school. (probably bullying other kids and crying in class). DH gives him a hug and sends him to his room. Then SS12 keeps coming out. Thanks for understanding dad, uh, can I have another hug I really need it, will you come rub my back so I can relax? DH gets upset. Says you know what life is hard and we all have bad days! You are old enough to learn to soothe yourself. I cannot just keep fixing stuff for you. I gave you a hug and told you I love you. Now you have to suck it up!
SS runs off crying. Later he refuses to come make his lunch or come out from under his blanket. So DH told him is done with this shit. SS is MAKING his own life miserable and if he wants to wallow in it he can do it alone.
I am so pleased DH has put his foot down about this crap. I hope he keeps it down.