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8 Years and Still Counting

Sadie-TheCleaningLady's picture

Hello everyone, what an awesome site this is!!! I have been with BF for just over 8 years and we have been engaged for 2 of those years. I have 3 SS’s (18, 15 & 11) with the same BM and no bio children myself  but one day hopefully I will. BM kicked SS18 out of her house and sent him to live with BF and myself when he was about 14 years old, so he has been with us ever since. BM still has primary custody of the younger 2 boys and we see them EOWE.
The first 4 years of our relationship was hell. I experienced BM verbal abused on many occasions and her TRYING to bitch slap me once which she didn’t succeed in doing, all in front of the 3 boys. She had me barred from school performances, she told BF that I was not to be in the car during drop offs and pickups and outright told BF to drop me off on a street corner to wait for him like a prostitute or she will ring the police for trespassing or he will not be allowed to have the kids for that weekend. She use to threaten BF that if he didn’t give her a cheque for a certain amount then not to bother bring the boys back to her. This was always on a Sunday evening when the kids were due back to BM within a couple of hours, she knew we both worked early Monday morning, she knew we lived 1 hour away from their schools and couldn’t drop them off in the morning (I still can’t believe to this day all the extra money she got out of BF and myself). All of this was just the tip of the iceberg.
Fast-forward 4 years and wow, to my amazement BM does a total 360 on me mainly because her son (14 at the time) was now in my care full time with her having only EOWE access. She became decent to deal with, she preferred to deal with me over BF and all in all besides a few hiccups with SS18 things were going okay she didn’t step on my toes and I didn’t step on hers.
Recently though, the wheels in motion started to turn the wrong way and yes I will admit mostly because of my doing and refusing to be BM’s doormat. About 2 weeks ago I sent BM an email finally spewing 8 years of held in frustration, in a respectful yet forceful manner I basically told her that she is SS18 mother not me and to step up and act like one, cause as of now I refused to do ANYTHING for that ungrateful douche bag of a person. I also explained that seeing that she herself has been a step mother for a couple of years that I’m sure she can understand where I am coming from. BM has stated in the past that she hates her skids BM and the way she acts, open your eyes and grow up woman you are acting exactly like the woman you despise.
Anyhow, I hope by joining this site I can offer some wisdom from my past experiences and gather a little more from all you wise step mummies out there as I’m sure the next 8 years is going to be one hell of a ride that’ll I’m sure at one stage or another I’ll want to get off.
Thanks for reading.


Sadie-TheCleaningLady's picture

Thanks Dtzyblnd, no BM.... well I'm not sure if that's a good thing for a bad thing. As much as I wish BM wasn't in the picture I still like the fact that she has skids EOWE so I have a break. You poor thing a skids full time with no break, do you mind if I ask if you have any bio children?

Sadie-TheCleaningLady's picture

Wow your poor SS, although I do understand the whole building the BM up in their heads, no matter what BM does to SS18 he still thinks the sun shines out of her ass. I ask him to wash HIS dirty cup he just placed in the sink and I'm the worst person in the world to him lol.

I asked if you had any bio's as I find it extremly hard to deal with SS18 full time seeing as I have no bio children.

I hope your SS now has a clear picture of his BM, it may not be the one that he wanted but at least now he can know what to expect if anything from her.

Sadie-TheCleaningLady's picture

Holy Shit Dtzy, even though your SS is younger than mine, unfortunatly I do see mine heading down that exact same path.
I feel for you.

thinkthrice's picture

I second that! All three of Guilty Daddy's kids are Damiens and headed for orange jumpsuit city. I've been with Guilty Daddy ten very looooooooooonnnnnnngggg years. Seems like 100. Went through the mega uber disney dad stage (YSS at the time stb 7, was rewarded with toys the next day after he crapped all over my house on purpose) Then all three slowly PASed out. Now Guilty Daddy is in constant "hidden" grief, a miserable, angry man that blames me for the PAS out.

Welcome to StepHELL!

SteelRose's picture

Dh and I have had ss16 for almost 5 years now, zero BM, 100% ss16. There are days when I would LOVE for him to be gone eowe, but not having bm involved is nice. When ss19 was 17 and lived with us BM was a bit more involved and I hated it but she has never talked to me or treated me wrong.