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SS18 - You lying trouble making turd!!!

Sadie-TheCleaningLady's picture

I am at a total loss on where to go from here with this particular situation and I’m hoping you wise ladies and gents may be able to give me some insight on what to do now.
Very quick background: I have no bio’s and 3 skids all by the same BM (SS11, SS15, SS18). The 2 younger boys live with BM and we see them EOWE and for 2 weeks during summer holidays, no issues there. SS18 lives with us as his mother kicked him out of her house to live with us when he was 13 or 14 (cause she couldn’t handle him but still saw him EOWE) and then again told him to get out of her house last New Years Eve after a blow up between SS and BM’s boyfriend, so for the first 6mths of 2013 BM cut SS off until 1mth prior to his 18 b’day when we (BF & I) contacted and told BM to pull her finger out of her ass and call her son before he wipes her out of his life forever (Just so you are all aware my relationship with BM is not terrible and we have communicated quite well with each other in the past, although out of my 9 year relationship with BF, things have only been good between BM and myself for about the last 4 of those years). BM contacted SS18 about 6mths ago and they started talking and seeing each other again since, now SS18 thinks she is MOTY :sick:
Back to the situation at hand, lately BF and I have been receiving SMS’s from MOTY saying how we are too hard on SS18, to go easier on him or send him back home to her, etc, etc..... We have confronted SS18 about this many times, his answer is always mum is overreacting and being stupid to which BF has told SS18 that if he is not happy here with us that he can always go back to MOTY’s house.
Last night after another ridicules and untrue message from MOTY, BF and I told SS18 that the next time he talks shit about us to MOTY and we receive a text from her that there will be consequences. After a few back and forward text’s, SS18 basically admits that he has been lying and bending the truth about us to MOTY, 1 of his SMS’s to me said and I quote “I’m sure you guys don’t care if one person thinks you are bad parents”. After reading this line it was like a light bulb turned on in my head. For the last 6mths since SS18 and BM have started talking again, SS18 has been trying to make BM feel bad for kicking him out by telling her how awful it is at our house, which is totally untrue. In turn MOTY has gone back to hating my guts again because of his lies and manipulation and is making life extremely difficult. I told BF last night that SS18 can pack his shit and fuck off back to his mothers seeing as we are so terrible to him, cause I’m and sick and tired of his lies.
All BF had to say is ‘I’m always the meat in the sandwhich, I can’t choose between my son and you’
ME: ‘I’m not asking you to choose, but are you seriously telling me that you don’t care that SS18 is using and lying about us just to get sympathy and make his mother feel bad, which in turn is causing MOTY to make our lives hell again’
BF: *Silence*
The sad and hurtful thing about all of this is that SS18 is a smart kid and knows exactly what he is doing and the game he is playing.
Any advice on how to tackle this would be much appreciated.


Sadie-TheCleaningLady's picture

Thanks for your reply Spacekadet. About 3 or 4 years ago we did exactly what you said. BM, BF, all 3 skids, my inlaws and myself sat down and told the skids that playing us all against each other is no longer going to work and that all the adults will be communicating with eachother to get to the truth. This was a major turning point for us and things where great until about 6mths ago.
Now that SS is 18 BM doesn't want to meet up to talk about his lies, she loves that he sucks up to her and runs to her with how terrible we are all the time. It makes them both feel important to eachother even though it's fake. The ones that actually put in the hard work with this kid all these years are being shit on Sad

Sadie-TheCleaningLady's picture

Thank Beaccountable you are totally right when it comes to BF. To be completley honest with you though I don't think BF knows what to do anymore. I know that he would like SS to move back in with MOTY but also doesn't what to look like a bad parent by kicking his son out like MOTY did.
Most of the time BF takes the advice I give him on how I think he should handle certain situations but because I'm am angry at SS18 at the moment and over this whole bullshit situation with him my only advice has been to pack his shit and get out. I'm frustrated and don't know what else to tell him or how we can both make this better.
BTW in answer to your question I'm 32 Smile

hismineandours's picture

I'd say send him over there. I am not comfortable doing things for people of a daily basis when I know they are talking shit about me behind my back. I'm just not. And when you live in a household with someone-as an adult you are always doing something for them-whether its washing towels, vaccuming the floors from their traffic, doing dishes, paying a higher water bill from their long showers-my guess you are engaged in doing things for this manchild every day. While I don't necessarily expect any of my family members to bow down to me because I do tasks for them, I do sure as heck expect for them to not talk shit about me.

He doesn't HAVE to live there. If he doesn't like it, then he needs to go. Man up, quit talking shit, and just go.

whatwasithinkin's picture

You DH needs to turn the coke can alittle on this and look at the other side.
You have a SS11 and a SS15.

7 Years (til the youngest to hit 18)is a long time to deal with a BM who is on the evil stepmother gammit. Esp since you have seemed to have had that quilled for some time now.

If he wants to start shit then he can live there and start it. And your DH needs to understand that on the BM from you have taken steps forward and that you dont wish to go back at the hands of an 18 year old who is acting like a manipulating child.

SD17 is famous for the SM is evil to every relative she can find. She now lives with my MIL. MIL made a comment on a picture the other night that is is so nice to finally see SD17 smile.

I bet it is, it does help that SD17 living situation is much better for her. It is amazing how good your home life is when you dont steal from people. You dont walk around passive/aggressively slamming every single door in the house. When your not addressing an adult in the house like she has no right to be there (yet she owns it and brought you into HER home) and when your asked to do something you rise up in the adults face and defiantly argue like you are a full grown women. When your not failing every class you have because your lazy. The list goes on. But yes MIL you take the credit.

These kids manipulation whomever will listen. The bad part is we are helpless to stop the manipulation, lies and stories. But we do not have to take part in the back lash.

When we were kids we didnt get the option that if we didnt like what Mom said we couldnt up and move in with someone else.

After she leaves and years down the road we can talk about how mean her BM was, and then how mean her SM was, and how Daddy is great. Why is Daddy great? Because he doesnt parent her...

Your DH needs to understand. Going backwards is not healthy for you, him, your marriage or your other two SS's that are still under age.