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Partner visited-leaving for good

Shazloo1234's picture

I got home from work and my partner was waiting for me.

He wanted to talk.

He apologised for leaving so abruptly, I apologised for being insensitive about his family's dislike for me?

He none of the family like me.

Especially his 18 year old daughter. She's given him an ultimatum. Choose her or me. He chose her.


He wants the house sold. He wants his money.




Winterglow's picture

And he's ignorant to boot seeing as doesn't understand the difference between a life partner and a child. He's going to be a very lonely ball-less old man. Whereas you,dear lady, are going to live a great life without this millstone around your neck. You may not know it yet but he has just done you an enormous favour. 

BethAnne's picture

Oh wow, I'm so sorry. This guy shouldn't really be making these decisions now but it doesn't seem like he is going to change his mind. I bet he is so traumatized by loosing his son that rejecting his daughter is unimaginable to him right now. 

I hope you have some good people around to support you through this. Friends, family and a good legal representative too. 

Look after yourself. 

ESMOD's picture

I heard once that you shouldn't make any huge decisions within a year of losing a loved one.  That often the things you do are out of desperation and without full consideration.

What he is doing.. is one of those things.  He is in despair and desperate over losing his son.. so when his daughter holds it out that he could lose her too? he caved.. because he already has lost one child.. and can't bear the thought of losing the other. 

In the end.. he likely will regret acting in haste. But, to be honest.. if he has been unable to see you as his own family.. even after 10 years (not married mind you.. that speaks volumes now I guess).. it is likely that the true depth of the relationship wasn't as strong as you were led to believe.

I'm sorry he turned to this option so quickly.  Surely losing his son has had to be about one of the worst case scenarios for you.. because it set up a situation that you just had nothing to fight with.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with a breakup in the aftermath of your SS's death.

Google pegs the rate of couples splitting up after losing a child at 80%. My own DH and I came close a few times in the months after his son died. But what disgusts me is the way your SO's daughter chose to exploit this dark time in order to oust you. This is NOT normal. You need to find your anger and  say "Screw this screwed up man and his entire screwed up family!"

I agree with ESMOD that he will likely come to regret his actions. However, by then you'll have rediscovered how sweet life is back in the normal world. 

BanksiaRose's picture

Try and find some good, motivating anger in you. The kind of anger that breaks down walls and rips off shackles. If you need permission to get angry - here it is. 
I am angry for you. You should not be treated this way. The SD is the worst, manipulative piece of work. Her father is spineless and cruel at the same time. Fumigate that whole wasp nest out of your life. 

Think about having a peaceful life by yourself for now - being able to do all those things you've always wanted, without guilt. And once you're healed, there will be a kind person out there for you. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

This guy made his decision years ago. Leaving OP at home, visiting the skids at BM's house despite OP's hurt. Listening to his own mom and his BM over his own supposed "partner." If he does regret it and come crawling back, i hope OP stands strong. I feel for him for losing his son, but OP has taken enough abuse. 

Kaylee's picture

I'm very sorry to hear this Shazloo.

It's devastating for you. Although this is so tough, it's definitely the end of your relationship.

I hope you can find strength to sort out the property sale, move on and live a calm and happy life.

Take care of yourself xx

AgedOut's picture

I'm going to ask a question that may seem silly or insensitive right now but think forward, it won't fix this but it will give you back your hope:


what do you want your next chapter to be for YOU?  



Rags's picture

Congratulations on purging this shit puddle of a gene pool from your life.

Woo hoo!

Dance 4



Now, put on your warrior maiden helmet and gutt him.  Defend every Cent, keep it all if possible.  This kind of betrayal earns pain and earns destitution for the one perpetrating it. To be clear, that is on him. Not you.

Take care of  yourself and enjoy getting on with living well.  Living your best life is also the best revenge.

Have fun!!!



Give rose

CajunMom's picture

you've gotten great support in the prior comments. What I will STRONGLY suggest is getting yourself to an attorney asap. Just because you are not legally married means you loose all rights. Do NOT leave the home. If need be, call the police. But get yourself a tough divorce attorney who can guide you through this where you are NOT severely damaged financially by this useless man. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Thank him for releasing you from the hell you have been living in, but were unable to walk away from due to various reasons. Keep as much money as you can from that house. No mercy!!! Move on and live your best life! 

simifan's picture

 I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. This is a wonderful group to help you work through this painful time. 

Merrigan's picture

Get a lawyer. I've been there with a long term cohabiting relationship and a purchased property. He wants his money, fine. You need to make sure you get yours. 

Harry's picture

I understand your relationship is over,  that doesn't mean he's getting everything he wants now.  Yes you will sell the house but he not getting 1/2.the money.  He owns you for using you. Make him pay for his underhanded way he was treating you,  all expenses comes out of his portion of profits from the house sale.  Including your moving expenses, [ he want you to move] your expenses to fine a new place.  Your lawer fees, ? You get the car paid off.  Ect.  Cost in selling the home is on him not dividen.   How much is he going to pay you, $x per month for Y years.   Maybe it's better that he packs his bags and leaves . Leaving you with the house it will be cheaper.
This moving is on him. He will pay for all of it

Stepdrama2020's picture

Sometimes the most painful situations has an end result of  a blessing.

Lets look at this in two ways.

1. He broke up with you. Your SD made him choose. He chose her. Very painful, but ultimately a blessing.

2. You were living a painful situation on a daily basis with this chump and SD. Ultimately a blessing its over.

See how both scenarios end up in a blessing.

Take glee in knowing this dunce of a DH will always be single cause of SD. So the end result for him, a painful lonely situation with his shitastic daughter. NO BLESSING FOR HIM!

Wipe your tears, post on here, then get a dang good lawyer that knows how to clean house. One day you will wake up and realize just how peaceful life becomes without the toxic shit in your life.

Im rooting for you hun. Your next chapter will be a BLESSING. 

Rags's picture

As an eternal optimistic pragmatist, I appreciate the perspective of this being a blessing for Stepdrama2020.

Breakups suck, and they hurt.  But, they are also the first step to a new life adventure with every opportunity for a wonderful future.

If I had not been divorced from my serially adulterous XW I would have already had my 36th anniversary, probably have raised a number of cheat spawn that were not mine, and would have had to pay back a shit ton of embezzled funds that my XMIL and the rest of my XIL clan ripped off her employer for.

Instead, I have had a fantastic adventure with my stunnin bride of nearly 30 years, we have lived and worked all over the world, raised a man of true quality together, and in a relatively few short years I will be chasing  her sexy self whereever she decides she wants to go.

So, while it sucks and it hurts to end a relationship, embrace the suck and get on with the adventure.  The end is the gateway to the adventurous blessing.

Rags's picture

He can want in one and and shit in the other and figure out which one fills up first. 

He left, re-key the locks, get a cease and decist order in place blocking any move he makes regarding the house. Get an RO/PO against him and his family using the countless message you likely have.  Then, plan your exit strategy. No need to move quickly on the sale of the house unless it is in your best interests. He/they are shit and they do not matter.  Do not waste a single spoon of grief icecream on them.

Engage the best attorney in your area and map your strategy. Work the strategy to the fullest advantage to yourself.

My condolences on the verification that your X is a waste of skin POS.  Been there myself. It is a far better place when you move on to living your best life.  Living well is also the best revenge.


Enjoy every second of living your best life and ... your revenge.

Take care of you.

Give rose