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Gravely ill stepson passed

Shazloo1234's picture

It is with a broken heart to advise that my stepson passed. He was 15.

This has been the most devastating month.

My partner did not waiver from his son's side, he is my hero.

He is grieving heroically and has not waivered. I admire him for his stoic approach. However, he came back from the hospital after spending one month with the ex, his daughter and visiting mother.

His mother could not resist stirring up the shit whilst next to her dying grandson's bed. My partner was made to apologise for my nasty behaviour towards her when we all lived together(another thread)

it is total lies and a witch hunt, but he is vulnerable and sucked it in.

So now I am seen as really bad to all the family and his daughter and all the family don't like me and I am not allowed to the funeral.

I too am grieving for my stepson, my partner and dealing with additional hurt that I could not hide.

My partner hit the roof because Ivwas upset about all of it and has left home.

He won't respond to my calls or text.

I am so very sad for him that he's been put in this position and wished I could not have reacted to the lies but I did.

I don't know if he'll pull through this grief and if he'll reach out to me?

It's shit, total shit.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Damn. I'm sorry. It's horrible what happened to SS, but it's also horrible how you have been completely cut out of everything by your DH, his BM, and even his own mother. Your DH would not allow you to be there but he came back and told you his mother used the time to sh!t on you? Then left your home and won't take your calls when you got upset about him telling you something upsetting? I am sorry for what your DH is going through, but i also don't see how you can stay in this situation. It doesn't sound like this relationship is worth a damn for you to hang around in.

CajunMom's picture

What a horrific situation. PAS is horrible and now your partner is dealing with the death of his 15 year old son, whom he's been very much estranged from for many years (per your prior posts). I cannot imagine the depth of his grief, the questions he has of himself, his concern about his daughter whom he's estranged from, and the entire situation. 

For the sake of your partnership, I strongly suggest counseling for you and your SO. I would also defer any "step" issue talk until down the road and hopefully, that can be done in the counselor's office. Again, I am so sorry. Big hugs to you.

EDIT: Adding to address you attending the funeral. The ONLY way I'd attend that funeral was if your SO wants you there and will stand strong with you. If he can't do that, I would NOT attend. It's clear you aren't welcome and it would only cause trouble and chaos at a very difficult time. With the level of PAS, I would tread carefully in this area. Again, ONLY if your SO wants you there and will protect you. Other than that, stay home. 

Rags's picture

As for not being welcome at the funeral. My ass.  Be there, be with your DH. He needs you to be at his side and to help defend him from his noxious X and his POS mother.

Go, be confident, be classy, and be present.  Make sure you radiate "don't fuck with me or my husband" vibes.

I am sorry to hear that your DH is wallowing in his shallow and polluted gene pool with his idiot mother, etc....

BanksiaRose's picture

And for the young man's  who passed prematurely sake. Whether your relationship with DH survives or not, that's a separate issue. But funerals aren't invitation-only good time parties. This is our chance to say goodbye for the last time, to have our closure, the last kind thing we can do for the person who passed. There were a couple of funerals I missed in my life, and that cost me a lot of guilt over the years. Go. You'll sort out other issues later.

Harry's picture

No 15 yo should died.  Hate to do this but are here..  Your SO is showing his true colors.  Putting his first family first over you.  Yes, this is what this is.  He's putting his ex and first family over you.  He should go back to his ex.  He no good with anybody else.  This relationship is not for you or anybody.  You were more understanding then most SO. 

'When he started a relationship with you . He has to end his relationship with his ex.  No one said divorce is easy. And the end of his ex controlling his relationship with his kids.  This didn't happen. He throw you under the bus. Made like you didn't exist   Is this the way you want to live.  Always being put out on important things.  
You set the present, Now you either live with it and stop complaining. Or leave.  There's nothing else you can do.  The ex won the war. 

Lillywy00's picture


Sorry to hear about your stepson

Not including you during this time is not what most partners would do. In my opinion. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Your DH's feelings are raw and his toxic family took advantage of this sad situation. You are the scapegoat in this toxic nightmare and because DH is so consumed with grief he is siding with the toxics. The toxics played this well.  Shame on these awful people, but thats who they are. Also shame on DH.

You know where you stand.

I cannot see a good outcome, I also would not want to be with a man that doesnt stand up for his wife regardless of the devastating circumstances.

I would stay away from the funeral out of respect for your SS who passed away. This funeral should not have added drama. You  will be accused of causing this for simply showing up. Its not fair to SS or you. You can grieve him in your own private way.

I am sorry hun but your life will improve when you surround yourself with people who truly love you and have your back. DH doesnt. Hard pill to swallow. 

Blessings to a better life.